*They were used to blending in, years of being dead to all who knew them ensured that much.*
*Dead to the world, who knew them as an archangel, the giver of Godâs messages to the living in the form of visions, an offshoot of communication as a whole. Dead to all of the people who asked for one more message, one vision, one sign that God still cared about them, because they couldnât take the weight of it all anymore.*
*Dead to their family â their siblings, Father, and those theyâd chosen. Who knew them as Remi, the foundation, the glue that held everyone together, every one of them clinging to them in different ways, each one begging for them to stay, each one of them relying on them too. The kids, the little three, a painful echo of the eldest three, all needed them all the time, and they couldnât stand it any more. They felt bad for admitting it to themself, never mind the fact that they would never in a million years be able to admit it to any of them. It wasnât their fault.*
*Dead to Heaven⌠that one stung, the fact that the orchestra theyâd first put together all those years ago still ran through the same warmup theyâd designed at three in the morning one sleepless night of many, a not-so-subtle tribute to them. The fact that the theatre they had started a lifetime ago was still running off of the investments theyâd insisted on setting up, and their baby brother was a regular performer there stung too. *
*The fact that they had no reason to be here, this close to ruining everything theyâd stayed hidden for, this close to turning back and begging to be let into their own family after running away so⌠selfishly. That was the problem, wasnât it? They always were selfish.*
*It was selfish to want to go back. After everyone had mourned them. *
*And yet⌠Here they were, walking the streets they knew as well as the scars covering their skin, heading to the theatre theyâd built from scrap bricks, the theatre they knew that one of their siblings would be inside. *
*At least one of their siblings.*
*This was a bad idea.*
*This was a very bad idea.*
*They stepped over the threshold, and the wards, old and worn and cracked like old paint, rushed over them. âWelcome homeâ it said, the magic theirs and oh-so-familiar, and cold⌠like life itself was injected into their veins and waking them up from a sleep they hadnât even realised theyâd fallen into.*
*Yeah, this was still a bad idea, but theyâd heard the rumble of chatter through the cherubim, those few that still existed at least. They needed to see for themself, just in and out.*
*Just⌠one minute. Itâd be easy enough to prove, look at the box or the front row and itâs done, and they can leave, go back to their⌠death. Being dead. There was no way anyone would be able to recognise them. They were more grey and brown than ginger now, and they had to wear glasses, and they didnât have the energy to smile, not like they used to.*
*They werenât like they used to be, in many ways, Remiel the Perfect Archangel was dead. He- they- it- the mask died. Years ago. When their siblings were still young.*
*They didnât mean to cause all of their siblings to resent one another, but they certainly hadnât done anything to stop it.*
*The door thrums with magic, their own, and countless othersâ, and swings open easily, silently. Just enough for a quick look. Thatâs all. They knew they were lying to themself.*
*Still, they walked down an aisle enough to glimpse the front row, scanning for empty seats. There are none. That should be enough. They should leave⌠but their eyes flit to the stage anyway â the stage they built with their friends, which had undoubtedly been replaced plank by plank as the old ones wore out, the curtains theyâd first repurposed ship sails to make now a dark velvet, pulled back to the sound of the orchestra theyâd put together. They feel tears prick their eyes as they turn on their heel and walk back out.*
*They walk hurriedly to an alley and dry-heave as their breaths come too fast and their vision blurs with the tears trailing down their face, down on all fours as their surroundings shift and shake around themself, and bile burns their throat.*
*Against their better judgment, they wait in that alleyway for hours that pass like minutes, leaned against the wall of a building that was once a clothes shop but now stands empty. It had likely stood empty for some time, they knew the owner of the shop all those years ago⌠theyâd seen her yesterday, in fact, and this morning before theyâd left the house.*
*They wouldnât trade the life theyâd build in the shadow cast by their death for anything. And yet here they were. This was stupid, so very stupid, Netzach would surely have issue with this if either of them were in their right minds. But they werenât. She wasnât. They both had a burning desire to come back to what theyâd created so long ago, to spend time around the echoes, the children and grandchildren of their friends, their families.*
*It was cowardly to run like they had⌠but it was more selfish to come back like this.*
*Remiel was⌠is dead.*
*But they were never all that creative when it came to names, so Remi now stands in the exact spot Remiel used to sneak to see their partner in. Remi waited, though the old part of their soul that still was a brother, a son, a friend screamed at him to leave before it was too late. They werenât any of that and yet they were, and Remi could only shy away from who they were for so long before it was time to step out of the shadow they themself had casted in their death.*
*And, like a coward, they waited to be seen.*
( @angels-maybe )












