#evennumbersquad

Yay feels!!

Hmmm... which one to choose, which one... how about all of them mashed together? Yes, that works!

Crowley isn’t supposed to heal demons. It’s not the habit of demons to heal each other, if one of them is hurt--well--tough shit. But Crowley was a Healer and he still is. So he heals them. The demons in question are pleased, obviously, but also really fucking wary because What If He Expects Us To Do Something Now We Owe Him. It turns out to be an effective method of collecting favours and Crowley uses them as and when required.

Crowley once saved an entire bus of children in the 1970s from being exploded by a really shitty engine repair and very flammable paint on said bus. The council wasn’t pleased but when they called him in to explain his actions--something no other demon would have received the chance of before getting punished--his defence of “well, they’re kids, some of them might grow up to be the next dictator of wherever” was hilariously vague and lame and Everyone Knew It but they accepted it and he was let off. He wasn’t exactly wrong either, one of the kids became a quasi-dictator; ruining pharmaceutical companies exploiting poor regions of the world and not taking no for an answer.

Crowley comes across an angel that isn’t Aziraphale one day in the 14th century. It is one of the reasons he hates the 14th century in fact. Anyway, he comes across this angel who is performing a High Key miracle that Aziraphale can’t because he’s Busy Right Now, Sorry. The angel in question isn’t one Crowley recognises but they recognise him and are all ready to send him to hell or extinct him when a cart with a heavy load of grain and stuff overturns and traps a child. Before the angel can even blink, Crowley is off. He snaps and freezes time around the space long enough for him to pull the kid out from under the cart just before it’s fully trapped the kid and heals the injuries splintered wood has given her. It’s put down to a miraculous escape by the kid and the angel is too shocked and all What The Fuck to stop Crowley from high-tailing it out of there.

In general, because Crowley is a Fallen Archangel he technically outranks the Dark Council. So, even though he lets himself get dragged in front of them all the time, he legit could show his wings and be all “right, fuck off” and leave them all cowering and in shock. He doesn’t. Because he honestly doesn’t want the Hassle of them thinking him a Second In Command to Luci.

Aziraphale, upon reporting directly to heaven one time in the 17th century, overheard a group of angels clustered around a holy water cooler discussing demons and how Demons Are Meant To Behave. One of the angels recounts their own encounter with a demon in the 14th century and Aziraphale considers it quite novel. It doesn’t sound very demonic and, although he knows Crowley, it’s not quite Crowley behaviour either so he dismisses it and doesn’t even think to ask the demon when next he sees him. The irony is, of course, it actually was about Crowley and it actually is entirely typical of Crowley to do That Sort Of Thing.

Do you know anyone who has the comic in stock to buy online? I looked on Barnes and Noble and Amazon and both are backorder with no date and those are the two places I buy most my books so I'm kinda at a loss where to look next. Thank you!

first of all: fucking exquisite username, even number bros for LIFE. or unlife. y’know.

second of all! you are super right, Apocalypse Suite, the first collected arc, is totally out of stock online at barnes and noble AND on amazon. HOLY SHIT!!! That’s incredible for everyone else but deeply unfortunate for you and anon.

My only recourse then is to hit up your brick and mortor barnes & noble and ask if they have any of the collections in stock. I would also recommend checking your local comic book store! They’re usually less popular than chain bookstores, so they might be more likely to have some left. If they don’t, you can ask to see if they’ll order the collections for you, or they might hold onto them for you once they get them back in stock.

dfgohgououg!!

Crowley remembers the Fall. He remembers it the way you remember a Traumatic Event; all the bad stuff and hardly of the good stuff that preceded it. This means he doesn’t Talk about it because it really is Traumatic for him.

Even though he’s Fallen and a demon, Crowley can’t help but heal and help. Yes okay, he’ll do “evil” *insert air quotes around ‘evil’* things in order to appease hell and Luci in particular, but he doesn’t enjoy them. The only ones he does enjoy are the ones where he gets to ruin the career of a politician or someone who is just a bit Too Mean and does things Crowley Thinks Are Bad. Those he enjoys. But generally, Crowley has the overwhelming, wired-in-to-his-being need to fix things. He may be bad at it--in fact, he does an awful job half the time because, well, he doesn’t really Get The Specifics Of The Problem You Have Karen Why Not Just Apologise To Your Friend??--but he tries and tries and tries because he’s literally designed to Do That.

Raphael!Crowley is Lucifer’s twin. He got tricked into falling by asking a question of God at just the wrong moment--you know, like when you go to your parent to ask a Thing and they’ve just stubbed their toe or your sibling has annoyed them about something and they, wrongly, take it out on you? Like that--because Luci is a dickish dick who wanted his brother With Him. As a result, there are two Archangels in hell and one of them is legit Pissed At His Situation.

Crowley ends up in Eden because he volunteered to get away from Luci. In fact, he actually told Luci “I’m going up to earth so fuck off and leave me alone,” and Luci, recognising his brother was in a Bad Mood, wisely agreed but saved-face by turning the Escape Of Crowley into a Mission For Evil with the Tempting Of Eve. Crowley still has the better deal tbh.

Crowley has six wings. He has four on his back and two that are... uhm... spiritual loinclothes... kinda. Anyway. The four on his back aren’t really black but lapis lulzli blue because that’s an awesome colour and he Chose that colour when God asked him what colour he wanted his wings to be. After the Fall, he changed the colour of the two primary wings but left the other two--since he was playing at being a regular demon/fallen angel and all--which means, when Aziraphale sees him with all four wings out, two are black-by-choice and two are Bright Fucking Blue Oh My Lord You’re An Archangel Why Didn’t You Tell Me Crowley? and it’s fucking fantastic.

I am!! This is brilliant omg

One of the first things Raphael does when he discovers Gabriel has plucked feathers from Michael’s wing is plan. He doesn’t storm up to the Youngest Archangel and give him what-for (even though he really wants to) because he knows Michael threw Gabriel through a few (hundred) clouds and left him a bedraggled-looking fledgling as a result. But the offense demands a response from Raphael as well. So he waits and he plans and he times it perfectly. The day Gabriel comes in with a minor injury from sparring with Lucifer (they’re not always so minor when it’s Lucifer who is the sparring partner but this one is), Raphael has it all Ready. The intense itching all along his feathers for days and days after leaves Gabriel a near-wreck that twitches at everything until he concedes that he Fucked Up Before and he apologises to Michael and then begs Raphael to Make It Stop. Raphael only does so after Michael tells him that Gabriel as “suffered enough I suppose”. Gabriel never plucks feathers from anyone’s wings ever again after all that.

Lucifer tricks Raphael into falling and then plays it cool. Raphael-now-Crowley is bitter and angry but he also wants to be Left Alone so he has to tread carefully. He still wants to get his own back however. So when Lucifer sends him up top to just Tempt Eve, Crowley decides to also cause some Good to happen that will, as a result, land squarely at Lucifer’s feet. Good For Humanity will piss Lucifer off more than anything. It transpires that he doesn’t actually have to do anything, however, when the Principality of the Eastern Gate does it for him, but Crowley still takes credit in hell and leaves Lucifer fuming about it. After all, that was Luci’s blade once upon a time and now it’s in the hands of humanity? That’s just insult added to injury and Raphael loves it.

In the 12th century, Gabriel ended up on earth for a specific miracle he had no choice but to perform. He couldn’t fob it off on Aziraphale because it required actual Gabriel-involvement. Raphael knew about this miracle centuries in advance (he’s still plugged in to Angel Radio and he knows a lot of shit since he’s up on earth 24/7 and thus never misses out on Updates) so he prepared. The day Gabriel shows up, Raphael takes great, great pleasure in ensuring that everything Gabriel encounters goes Stupidly Wrong, from a horse cart full of dung overturning and splattering him to a mob of suspicious peasants running the Archangel out of the village with pitchfork and torch. It’s the most amusing thing Raphael has witnesses in centuries and he itches to tell Aziraphale about it but, well, the Principality doesn’t know who he is so he can’t. But he wishes.

Uriel is not an Archangel, not really. Neither is Sandalphon. Raphael considers them too Aggressive for the role and Too Narrowminded. Of course, Gabriel chose them to replace him and Luci so it’s no surprise. Both of them are Very Dedicated to Gabriel and Gabriel’s Vision. Naturally then, Raphael has to cause them problems if only to irritate Gabriel. So he sends incorrect reports, messages, rumours and the like through Angel Radio until Gabriel is all but frothing at the metaphorical-mouth over Uriel and Sandalphon Disobeying Direct Orders And Mingling With Humans. It’s not a lot but it’s funny as all hell to listen to the Drama(TM) Gabriel causes as a result.

Michael is Raphael’s favourite sibling. She has to be. She’s his twin and thus she gets an automatic pass for a lot of things. But sometimes, sometimes she irritates him and he has to Have Revenge. One of those times is when she pranks him by turning his wings to obnoxious colours. Raphael likes his blue wings, he loves them, but Michael has red ones and Michael things red is best. So she turns his wings to this horrific mix between the two colours that isn’t purple (it’s too ugly to be purple it really is) and Raphael ends up hiding until he can get the colour to go back to his preferred blue. Michael is smug as all when he next shows up and his wings are sparkling and clean and Very Blue and that’s when Raphael realises it was Michael who pranked him and then it’s War. So he sets it all up, using some of the younger angels to Assist and gets it so he’s sparring with Michael one day and she’s suddenly swarmed by a few hundred fledgling cherubims and the like and they just smother her beneath their not inconsiderable number of wings. Michael is an Outraged Mess by the time she digs herself out from under the pile and Raphael has literally shared the news of Michael looking like a Mess with the whole of the host who have shown up to witness it. The revenge is sweet even though Raphael has to flee through heaven with a Very Angry Sister Who Is An Archangel on his behind for a month straight. It’s still worth it.

Crowley who's too lazy/playing the loooong game so let's the Dark Council drag him is amazing.

It’s totally Crowley’s style tho, isn’t it xD

evennumbersquad replied to your post: “You could always have a weird custody dispute over who Crowley...”:

That was me! Tumblr is fucking weird about signing me out when I ask things sometimes. But also Crowley turning into a snake because he's done with them.