#evening deviations

Evening and a few cautious steps on, still, earlier than usual, seemingly late as always and wondering to which extent that perception of time depends on individual states of being. Clouds and a veiled world below: Half asleep already, feeling the echoes of the afternoon and the hours before that. A perception of rain, again and again, and a scent of moist air waving through quiet backyards. Pub's opened but there's no music. Few lights in other windows, but people seem to prefer retreats today. Sometimes discovering a melody in things is a task not for the faint of the heart. Sleep safe everyone wherever you are.

Once again, a lot later in a day that felt just like has been afternoon for the most of its parts. Tension unrelieved. New neighbours across the street still busy moving in, and it's amazing to see how different a mood this small cold room can gain from more tasteful interoir design. A lantern on the balcony. A glowing cigarette, a glowing screen. Dim lights at different temperatures. And no conversations to catch up on: Stories of night and the words it conceals unsaid, unhead. Sleep tight everyone wherever you are.

Hours later, near an open living room window. Gazing at the evening sky the somewhat dark facades the few lit windows. Breathing the early night air, the scent of concrete and trees and soil and meadows and a hint of the river nearby. Letting all senses sink into that moment, as the morning and day seem already and once more far from here. Wrapping up. Shelving. Yawning. Not asking the model for rest as some answers would be confusing to anyone including oneself. Sleep safe everyone wherever you are.

(Man ertappt sich dabei, an alten Dingen festzuhalten. Weil man nicht konsumieren will, aus viel zu vielen Gründen. Weil Umgewöhnungen und Wechsel immer Kraft kosten, die man dafür nicht geben mag. Weil sie funktionieren, mit etwas gutem Zuspruch und gelegentlich Klebeband und Draht. Und irgendwie weil sie, auch als Dinge, nah sind, weil die Summe aus Gebrauchswert und Nostalgiewert dann doch konstant hoch, nie zu ersetzen ist.)

Once again later. Trying to habitualize resting on hard floor for a few breaths every day, to not just see but also feel the world around, to feel parts of the physical self that went unfelt and ended up stuck in uncomfortable postures during the wake hours. Not sure this makes sense but at least it's worth an attempt. Also, trying to loosen parts of the mental self stuck in similar loops. Even more challenging for sure. Average-case estimations, some notes some ideas and a rough draft and then flushing ones own caches and letting tonight pass. Sleep safe everyone wherever you are.

Evening and slowly reconnecting the self to the neighbourhood. Skies still grey, no rain, and the music hints at people remaining in weekend mode for a few more hours. Washing off the past days, emptying the glass, straightening the rooms to not stumble across leftovers tomorrow. There's always sleep to hope for, even on the border of weeks. Have a soft night wherever you are. 

A lot later again, a breath of relief in cool evening air. Watching the late daylights, the soft glow behind opposite windows, the random spots of cigarettes dancing on open balconies, feeling the scent of burning tabacco and other vegetation all rolled up, browsing through inner music libraries and feeling more indecisive than ever before. Eventually giving up, flowing with some stream for a while and then putting the day to rest, hoping for the thoughts to follow. Sleep safe everyone wherever you are. 

Immer noch, wieder kleine Schneeflocken aus Pollen, die durch die Leere zwischen den Fassaden geistern. Vorabend, warme Farben, Dokumentenroutinen, grobes Papier. Kleine unangenehme Schnitte. Tatsächlich und metaphorisch. Noch etwas Konzentration aufbringen für gewisse Dinge, und Willen, unsicher, was davon schwerer ist.