#ethari masterlist

Everyday felt like it was getting a little harder to walk, you could usually push the feeling off to the side and ignore the growing ache that weighed you down, but you should have learnt by now that that weight would inevitably become unbearable.

You really did try your best to delay what was bound to happen, though. You didn't want to bare witness to the fall that would be your mood, and you didn't want to wonder when the next time you were going to feel okay was going to be. Hell, you might even end up feeling 'okay', you might just end up being less than worse, you might up just being less than 'decent' and that was going to have to be the best you could be just so you could function.

You did try, you really did your hardest to delay it, you wanted that to be known, even if it was just to yourself.

You knew you were going to find yourself laying in bed all day, eyes blurry with unshed tears, and bones too heavy to move. It was like you were stuck in your own little prison, a body that was too broken to move but nobody could see that that body was broken.

You found yourself staring at your ceiling for an hour to long, but it was enough to make you wonder how much time had really passed from when you first started staring at the blank nature of it.

You should get up, get something to eat or drink, but you couldn't find it in yourself to do even that. What was the point? You weren't going to get anything out of it, and you couldn't find the energy to get out of bed, let alone make yourself a meal. So, of course, you opted to stay where you were, comfortably wrapped up in your covers as you laid on your side, eyes deciding to stare at the blank wall instead of the blank ceiling. Riveting.

You didn’t know how much time passed, really only basing how long it felt from the last time you moved, which wasn’t very often. You didn’t care though because, really, what was the point? Why would you care? You weren’t doing anything, you weren’t bothering anyone with your sour mood, you weren’t getting in anyone’s way, you weren’t being a problem.

You were tucked away in your home, in your own corner of your home, comfortable.

“<<Reader>>?” You heard eventually, and you almost felt the way your heart sunk in your chest.

Ethari.

You sighed quietly, finding no energy to talk to him, and pulled your covers up higher, wishing you could just sink into them completely.

You heard his footsteps grow closer and closer, until you heard the slow creak of your door as he opened it. You practically felt the way he moved cautiously through your dark room, but you didn’t move. Perhaps if you didn’t move, he would think you were asleep and leave you be.

“<<Reader>>?” Nevermind.

When you moved the covers away you saw Ethari crouched down in front of your bed, just about level with where you head was laying. His expression softened when he saw your face, eyes clouded with concern and you wondered how bad you really looked.

“Are you unwell?” He asked carefully, a hand reaching out to rest on your forehead, trying to feel for a fever.

“No.” You muttered quietly, you knew better to lie to Ethari, even if it was a little white lie such as not feeling well (you used to think it was the best way to get people to stop questioning you, but Ethari had shown you wrong).

His hand found your hair, brushing away your locks and he exhaled slowly. He didn't say anything at first, attempting to keep a comforting presence for you while he sussed out what version of comfort you needed in this moment.

This was not the first time Ethari had seen you like this, and every time he was there for your darker moments he always had to alter the way he would come about whatever issue you were facing. Sometimes you needed a physical presence to ground you, sometimes you needed advice and someone to lean on so you could get out of slump, and sometimes you just needed someone to tell you it was going to be okay.

In truth, you didn't know what you needed this time, so you wondered how Ethari was going to end up being able to help you.

"Have you eaten?" He asked gently, his golden brown eyes unmoving from yours.

You didn't verbally respond, but you shook your head slowly.

He exhaled again, lips forming a tight line as his eyebrows knitted together. "I will make you something."

You shook your head, muttering something about 'not wanting anything' that Ethari could barely make out.

"Oh, <<Reader>>," He tutted faintly, but his tone was far from annoyed, "I know that you haven't eaten all day, let me make you something. You don't have to eat it all, but I do want you to take, at least, one bite."

“I won’t be able to argue, will I?” You asked, there was a hint of humour in your voice, but Ethari didn’t even spare you a smile.

“No.”

You let out a little groan and that, and Ethari didn’t waste anytime to go and get you something. He disappeared from your view, and you didn't try and crane your head to see through the doorway, you just stayed staring in front of you as if he was still crouched down in front of you.

You didn't count the minutes he was gone, but it felt like he took a while to come back to you. He returned with a little plate and buttered toast, it wasn't a lot but he knew you well enough to know that you weren't going to finish this, let alone start a bigger meal.

"Eat." He commanded, but there was very little sternness in his tone, as he held the plate out towards you.

You glanced down at the plate, then up at him, narrowed eyes meeting his before you slowly sat up in bed, hands braced behind you as your crossed your legs. You took the plate with a hand once you were settled again, plating it in your lap before you picked it up and took a single bite. When you looked up at Ethari, he looked happy enough, but motioned with his hand for you to keep going.

"You said one bite." You complained.

He chuckled faintly, nodding along. "I suppose I did, but now I am saying have two bites."

You shot him a glare and brought the toast to your mouth again, biting into it, but taking a smaller bite than before. He didn't argue for another one, and took the plate when you looked to be done with it, placing it on your bedside table just in case you would go back to it (even though he knew it was unlikely).

When he looked at you again, his gaze held that softness that made you want to cover yourself in your sheets again, you couldn't deal with the sympathetic looks the other Elves gave you.

"What?" You asked with a sigh.

"Have you...?" He trailed off, not wanting to say it aloud knowing that it was a touchy subject, so he just vaguely motioned with his hand towards your arms. "Recently?"

You huffed out, you weren't sure what would be worse: him asking outright if you had hurt yourself, or him just dancing around the topic. Maybe just both of them annoyed you.

"No, I haven't." You hissed out, but the look he gave you told you that he was far from convinced, you didn't help it with how rude your tone was, so you softened it. "I... thought about it, but I didn't. Promise."

Ethari sighed faintly, and his four fingered hand rested on your knee. "There is no need to promise, I can take your word for it."

There was a beat of silence, his eyes moved away from yours and he found somewhere else in your room to look t while you simply stared down at your lap. You felt like you should have said something, fill the silence with some sort of nonsense like you would any other day, but you fell short with conversation topics.

Ethari didn't mind, of course, he had seen you in all sorts of different moods and state and this was not the worse he had seen you, silence had nothing on him. He did not leave your side, however, even when the two of you were sat in silence for however long, he did not leave and made no indications of wanting to leave.

You didn't mind the company for once.

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Ethari Masterlist