#estril

....here we go, thoughts on this scene from TRoP S2.3! As last time, I've lightened images to see what I'm describing a bit more easily.

Would love to hear your thoughts if you have them, and thank you for reading if you can/want!

Estrid is lighting a knife, intending to use it to cover up her Adar’s mark. Isildur surprises her and she jumps, asking about her “intended” – “if he’s half as strong as you, he’ll make it”, he says with a little smile while warming his hands.

The connection between them is growing, both something flirtatious and also deeper, a mutual respect and trust, as we will see with this scene developing.

She reveals her survival guilt: “it’s hard…not to blame myself…for survivin’,”. Her body language speaks of shrinking into herself, of fear of what’s external – perhaps also, with that survival guilt, feeling unworthy to take up space. Isildur also reinforces his curiosity, asking her “what for?”.

He almost immediately begins sharing his grief, how his mother died trying to save him from drowning. He seems almost numb saying it, like he has relived it so many times in his mind, it has been years – but the sadness in his bearing as he says it is also evident. No matter how many times, no matter how many years it’s been, these things can still hurt.

Estrid looks at him quizzically, as if a bit surprised that he’s so openly sharing, but also like she is very much listening and in some way understanding. She notes wondering “what’s it’s like” for her mom: pointing to Tolkien’s formulation that the Secondborn do not know what happens after they die and they leave the Circles of the World (whereas the Firstborn do). Isildur talks of seeing his mother in dreams, perhaps another part of his perception beyond everyday existence.

Perhaps seeing the flat part of his affect as he described that, she says “you seem to have found peace with it,” but he corrects her, looking down, his sadness now a bit heavier – “no…the truth is, what I just told you…back home nobody knows, I just told them she drowned….nobody knows it was my fault.” It’s quite striking that he didn’t tell anyone in Numenor, but here he is telling Estrid. Perhaps he needed to feel like that person he was telling could understand, having lived something similar, and would not judge. Perhaps he saw that for the first time – in her.

We see Theo overhearing them, beginning to cry – a heartwrenching moment which Tyroe portrayed with powerful honesty. The implication seems to be that he blames himself for his mother’s death because of his choices with the hilt. If so, that could be part of why he seems to be struggling so much. Just as with Isildur, it is not only grief but also guilt.

“Ever since I’ve felt bound to try and do something singular, something special” – and he will!! “..to try and find a way to earn what she did” – underscoring his sense of duty and honor that will be part of him doing that singular, special thing (hi Nimloth). That weight of sadness is also still there, eyes welling. Yes, he’s held this for years, but it is still quite heavy on him.

Estrid, first thinking a moment, her face pensive, then responds with true wisdom: “I don’t think you can earn a thing like that…I think you just have to accept it. As a gift. One she gave freely because you were precious to her.” Estrid’s theme rises in the score: a key moment for her. She keeps looking at him, seeming firm in believing what she just said and wanting him to truly hear it.

He looks back at her, them holding eye contact. His expression speaks to that being a bit hard to hear, he may not be ready for it, but that perhaps he is beginning to understand…the first inklings of that…and of appreciation for the sentiment.

Theo calls him, and Isildur looks over to where the call came from – then gestures to Estrid with a kind shake of her hand. The Faithful theme rises in the score, reflecting that moment of his care and generosity.

She smiles, appreciating his presence and genuineness – then back to what she was doing before he walked up, burning Adar’s mark. He is walking away with Theo.