#espiurgos

Despite everything, having the Devil as one of your best friends has its perks. Lucifer feels so guilty about him ending up in Hell that he makes sure Dan is granted every kind of comfort during his, hopefully brief, stay there. This means he doesn’t have to follow all the rules that bind the other souls: he’s spared the horrors of a Hell loop of course, he has his own room and can decide which demons can enter and when, he can ask them to bring him anything he might need and he can exit his room whenever he wants to walk down the corridors of Hell. Lucifer only forbids him from entering the other rooms, but only for his safety, so that he doesn’t end up trapped in one of the other souls’ Hell loops.

He rarely meets anyone during his walks, just the occasional demon on their way to work, so imagine his surprise when one day he turns a corner and sees Michael.

His first instinct is to hide – the last time he talked to Michael didn't exactly go well, with the angel terrifying him out of his mind and Dan ending up shooting Lucifer and additionally, according to Lucifer, Michael was the one behind his murder – but then he really sees Michael, how the angel doesn’t even notice him, the way he's frantically scraping the dirty floor, like he's going to be punished if he stops even for a second, with what looks like a toothbrush, and the way his posture looks painfully twisted.

Every kind of emotion flashes through him. He goes from shock to fear to anger – and he has to physically restrain himself from going up to the angel, taking advantage of his weakened state and beating him to a pulp – to a state of confusion because what he feels when he manages to calm down is only the desire to help him. Frustrated with himself, Dan leaves and stays away from that corridor for a long time.

But no matter how hard he tries, he can't get the image of the battered angel out of his mind. What is Michael even doing there? He isn’t in a Hell loop, so that means he isn’t dead, right? On the other hand, he is very much dead and free to roam around the corridors. But Michael looked like he was the furthest thing from free. He looked like he was going through nonstop physical and psychological torture. Was Lucifer aware of this? Was Lucifer the one who put him there? It didn’t seem like something he would do, especially not after everything his Dad had put him through.

Dan has so many questions and he tries questioning some of the demons at one point, but they're all very secretive and all he manages to find out is that “no one is allowed to talk to the prisoner”. Those are the orders. They don't say why, nor where the orders come from. After that, he really tries to stay out of the whole thing, but in the end he's still a detective and the need to find out the truth is stronger than anything else. Well, almost anything else: he also feels the strong need to help the angel. His brain tells him to leave Michael to his destiny, which one could argue was well deserved, but he had also looked in so much pain and, despite everything, Dan’s heart can’t just ignore that.

So, he goes back and this time he steps closer to the angel, who is still on all fours on the ground, still with his head bent low, still scrubbing. Dan immediately notices something he was too far away to see the first time. Michael is trembling all over and there are two gashes on his back that look raw and infected.

The first time Dan calls his name, Michael doesn't even flinch. But Dan was still relatively far from him and his voice might have come out a little weak in the vastity of Hell. So, the detective decides to tentatively step even closer.

“Michael?” He tries again.

Again, the angel gives no sign of having heard him.

Dan kneels beside him and he notices Michael freeze for a second before he resumes his scrubbing.

“Michael.” He whispers one more time and this time, he simultaneously puts his hand over the angel's right one, delicately but firmly forcing him to stop his desperate scraping.

Michael's breath hitches and he looks up to see who stopped him. Dan is taken aback when he sees the sadness, the anguish, the despair that plague the angel’s dark brown eyes.

Michael immediately diverts his gaze when he recognises Dan. The detective can sense his shame and guilt and wonders if maybe he should’ve stayed away from him.

“W-What are you...I-I need to...I need to keep scrubbing...I...” Michael murmurs, his voice hoarse from disuse.

“Nothing is going to happen if you stop for a second, I promise you.” Well, Dan didn’t exactly know that, but he just wants – and he doesn’t entirely understand why – Michael to rest, even if for a little while.

Michael doesn’t reply but he also drops the toothbrush he was still holding. He does so slowly, cautiously, one finger at a time. When it’s finally effectively laying on the ground, Michael goes completely still for a few minutes, as if expecting this to be a big prank at his expense and that he’s now going to be punished further for disobeying the orders he was given. When he realises nothing is going to happen (yet, his mind whispers to him), he doesn’t get up, his legs are probably too weak for that, but he crawls away from Dan using his left arm and leg while keeping his right arm close to his body. Now that he’s stopped scrubbing, the tired muscles in his bad side are protesting by spasming regularly. He stops when he reaches one of the strong obsidian walls surrounding the place and he lets his weary body lean against it, letting out an exhausted sigh. He never stopped eyeing Dan warily, still distrustful, but for now, he will take what he can get after who knows how many years without a real break.

Dan tries not to look at Michael while he moves away from him, granting him a little bit of privacy, but he raises his gaze back on him as soon as he hears him exhale. He can see the angel doesn’t trust him in the slightest, the way he winces and ducks his head every time Dan moves a little too harshly. He sees nothing of the all-powerful archangel he had met on Earth all that time ago. If anything, Michael looks like an injured cornered animal.

That’s when Dan also realises Michael is barefoot and shirtless, only wearing a pair of tattered and dirty trousers.

“Aren’t you cold?” He suddenly blurts out, breaking the silence. “I-I mean…can you even get cold? You know, being an angel and all...but you look cold so-…I’m sorry, I’m rambling. Do you want me to get you something to wear? Lucifer gave me free access to, well, everything.”

Michael frowns. He was not expecting these to be Dan’s first words to him. Not even his second or third, to be honest.

“I can’t. Wings stumps.” He mutters, eyes still fixed on the floor.

“O-Oh, right.”

They stay silent for a while, Michael still waiting for this whole bizarre situation to turn into another torture, Dan trying to figure out the best way to ask the questions that have been plaguing him for weeks.

But after a while Dan realises there’s no way he can tiptoe around what he wants to ask, so he just does. “Lucifer told me you’re the reason I’m dead. Is that true?”

Michael’s face darkens and Dan hopes his guts are right about the angel being changed, even if it pains him to see how that change happened.

Then, after a long while, Michael replies. “I never gave the order.” He pauses and the next words are almost inaudible. “I…I’m sorry.”

“So what? Lucifer lied to me?” Dan huffs. Just when he thought he could trust Michael, here he was, lying and trying to make Lucifer the bad guy all over again.

But Michael surprises him once more. “No. I told him I did.”

“Why?”

Michael shrugs with his left shoulder but doesn’t reply.

“Did Lucifer put you here? W-What happened to your wings?”

The angel shifts uncomfortably and hitches his right shoulder higher.

“I-If you’re not here to torture me, I should…I should probably get back to…” Michael eyes the discarded toothbrush lying a few feet away from him.

Dan doesn’t want to risk Michael shutting off completely because he’s asked too many questions at once, so he takes the hint, fully intending on coming back soon to try again. Now that he’s caught a glimpse of what the angel is going through, he can’t leave him.

“Can I…can I visit you again sometimes?” He asks hesitantly.

“Why?” In that simple word Dan can feel all of Michael’s fear and doubt.

“Because I don’t think you deserve this and I want to help.”

And at that point Michael can’t help but jerk his head up, his red rimmed dark eyes betraying how vulnerable he’s feeling. But Dan just smiles softly and then he’s gone before Michael can argue with him. The angel is left there wondering what the human’s true motives are because there’s no way Daniel Espinoza of all people would care about someone like him.

Yet Dan decides to prove him wrong, day after day, as he systematically comes back to visit him, even after the times when Michael’s mind gets the best of him and he barely acknowledges the detective’s presence.

Dan makes sure the demons never see him so they won't report whatever this thing between the two of them is to Lucifer and Michael finds himself looking forward to those almost daily chats, just when he thought he would never have something to look forward to again. Dan is happy to provide solace for Michael's broken soul, feeling like he has a purpose again, and Michael knows he doesn’t deserve him, but he also finds himself unable to push him away with mean snarky comments like he would've done in the past. They both don’t admit it to themselves, but they also find out they have a lot in common and they fit very well with each other.

Sometimes they chat, sometimes they sit there in silence, just content not to be alone, and sometimes – either because of phantom pain from where his wings used to be, his self-actualised twisted right side or the wounds on his back that just won't heal – Michael is in so much pain that Dan takes a while to find him, curled in on himself in the darkest corners of Hell, shaking but trying not to let out any sound. The first few times he finds him like this, Dan doesn't know what to do and anything he tries results in Michael scrambling away from him and curling in on himself even tighter. Michael simply doesn’t want Dan to see him like that, he doesn’t want Dan to pity him even more. The next time they see each other he never addresses any of it.

Then, one time, Dan has enough of just sitting there, unable to help, and he decides to just start talking to the quivering angel. It’s nothing special, just stories about his life on Earth to distract him, and Michael still doesn’t let him go anywhere near him, but he at least accepts his presence. The next time, Dan starts with his stories again, but he also gradually steps closer to Michael, making him feel his presence, his warmth but giving him enough space so that he doesn’t feel in danger. Finally, when the angel seems to be calming down, he decides to try something new. He's been wanting to do it for a while now, especially after times like this, when Michael is left panting hard and so ashamed of himself, he can't even look Dan in the eye. All Dan's heart wants is to bring him some comfort, something he knows now Michael probably forgot what it feels like. And he touches him.

Nothing major, he just softly lays his hand on the angel's sloped shoulder and whispers the simplest sentences that come to his mind.

“I'm here for you. You are safe.”

Michael flinches violently, but surprisingly he doesn't make any move to back away. He's so tense as he slowly raises his gaze on Dan, eyes wide in disbelief.

“No one has...n-no one has touched me there i-in...in so long.” He mumbles.

“I just want you to know you can trust me. And that you don't have to hide from me.”

And Michael could snap at him, emotionally hurt him so that he never comes back to him again, so that he leaves him alone in his self-hatred and shame and stops trying to offer him the kind of care he doesn't feel he deserves…but he's so very tired. So, he pushes down all that and attempts a small, almost imperceptible, smile – and oh, it’s been so long since he last genuinely smiled at someone – and he murmurs a quiet but heartfelt “Thank you.”

From that, they go very slow, Dan always making sure not to overstep, Michael trying his best to accept and return his kindness and affection – things that feel so foreign, almost unreal when directed at him.

But Dan's warmth spreads through him despite how hard Michael tries to deny it to himself and it really helps him. It helps him calm down the constant shivering in his right hand, it helps him when fear gets the best of him and it even helps him with his wing stumps, which still haven’t healed but don't look infected anymore. This warmth comes from Dan's kind words, from his bright smile, but especially from his touch.

Michael finds himself constantly needing, constantly looking for that warmth after that first time. Of course, he never initiates any kind of contact, but Dan can feel the way he leans into his touch every time he brushes his hand against the angel's constantly cold skin. Those moments, the way Michael always hitches his breath almost imperceptibly, like he can't believe someone would touch him so caringly without meaning any harm, are so precious to Dan. Once the angel gets over the initial surprise and yeah, also alarm sometimes, the detective gets rewarded with shy smiles that never last long but are enough to get him through the rest of many long days.

Until one day – and they don't know how long it's been since they met, since they started being each other's light in the oppressing darkness of Hell – Dan's hand lingers a little bit longer on Michael's and their eyes lock. The detective sees the angel blush slightly and for the first time he doesn't look too tired or too thin or too pale. He just looks warm.

And at that point, at that sight Dan, despite his initial hesitance, simply can't hold himself back and kisses him so gently, like Michael has never been kissed before despite his very long existence. Dan kisses him with love, with care and Michael is so taken aback that it takes him a bit to respond properly. However, for once, he doesn’t allow his worries to get the best of him and he relaxes into the Dan’s strong embrace, kissing him back with the same love, the same care.

(I wanna specify that I am in the aroace spectrum and gay, so this might be a little overindulgent)

I thought a bit on a DanMic scenario, maybe one where they cross paths while Dan is pingponging in purgatory. I like the idea that a lot of ‘ascending’ from Hell involves self-healing/forgiving, and that sometimes people have to externalize concepts before they internalize them. Dan might think that forgiving Michael for all he’s done would lead to his own salvation, and it’s true but not in the way he believes; it’s because once Dan accepts that even someone like Michael could earn redemption, he can believe it true for himself, and that’s what helps him ‘ascend’ from his guilt/ties to Earth.