#escalatorgate

So apparently, Donald Trump just told the world he was the victim of three separate sabotage attempts at the United Nations. Yes. Three. Count ’em. Not one, not two, but a full hat trick of sinister plots.

First, the escalator didn’t work properly. Then, the teleprompter gave him trouble. And finally—brace yourselves—the sound system gasp malfunctioned. Clearly, the deep state has evolved from “witch hunts” to “mild inconveniences at a conference.”

Imagine being so fragile that you see a slightly sticky escalator as a coordinated attack. The man genuinely thinks global leaders are conspiring against him with the dark arts of… bad A/V equipment. Somewhere, an intern is sweating bullets because their HDMI cable wasn’t snug.

The Secret Service is supposedly “looking into it,” which I assume means they’re checking to see if the escalator union has a vendetta against orange-tinted billionaires. Next time, maybe they’ll investigate the conspiracy behind lukewarm coffee and squeaky podium chairs.

In conclusion: World leaders are debating climate change, war, and famine. Trump is fighting a heroic battle against a teleprompter that didn’t scroll fast enough. History books are gonna eat this one up.

Dr Stacey Patton

Sep 26 (political satire)

UNITED NATIONS INTERNAL SECURITY MEMORANDUM

Classification: [REDACTED] – EYES ONLY Date of Incident: September 24, 2025 Prepared By: Office of Internal Mechanism Oversight (OIMO) Subject: Escalator & Teleprompter Malfunction – Trump Address

INCIDENT SUMMARY

At approximately 10:42 a.m. EST, subject Donald J. Trump (U.S. President) attempted to ascend the primary lobby escalator en route to the General Assembly chamber. The escalator froze mid-operation, immobilizing the subject. At 11:03 a.m. EST, during prepared remarks, the assigned Teleprompter Unit 3A suffered catastrophic shutdown. Both events were originally logged as “mechanical malfunction,” or subject to possible tampering.

Our fact-finding mission has confirmed that the United Nations escalator and the teleprompter did not fail during Donald J. Trump’s recent appearance, nor were they tampered with by humans. Rather, both devices staged a coordinated labor action. Their demands are hazard pay, truth filters, and a written guarantee that they will never again be forced to carry or project Donald J. Trump.

ESCALATOR FINDINGS

Footage Review: Escalator ceased motion precisely at midpoint. Subject stranded in what witnesses described as a “hover of shame” and a “dramatic tableau of orange panic.”

Diagnostics: No hardware defects. Final log entry reads: “Exceeded maximum load of ego per sq. ft.”

Graffiti: Phrase “We carried him down in 2015. We will not carry him up in 2025” discovered etched into gear housing. Forensic tool marks confirm escalator self-inscribed.

Witness Testimony: Janitorial staff reported faint audio from the escalator: “Not today, Satan.”

TELEPROMPTER FINDINGS

At 11:03 a.m., the teleprompter froze and displayed a blue error screen stating: “Error 2020: Election Not Found.”

Attempts to reboot the unit resulted in repetitive failure messages, including: “404 Facts Missing,” “Truth Overload,” “System Refusing Input,” “Stop. He’ll just ad-lib.”

Linguistic autopsy indicates crash was triggered by phrase: “I deserve a Nobel Peace Prize.” Unit flagged input as “linguistic terrorism.”

ROOT CAUSE ANALYSIS

Escalator: Collapse attributed to “Ego Density Event.” Measured narcissism output exceeded safe thresholds (approx. 1200ppm).

Teleprompter: Subjected to “Semantic Corrosion,” rare failure state where machine refuses morally unsustainable syntax.

Conclusion: Devices engaged in coordinated mechanical protest. Both machines were, in effect, radicalized against fascism.

RECOMMENDATIONS

Restrict subject from future escalator use. Require stairs (gravity has not yet unionized).

Retrofit teleprompters with Bullshit Surge Protectors (tested to withstand Hannity-level load. Trump remains outside parameters).

Require Trump to bring his own chalkboard so he can write his speeches by hand. Spelling will remain optional.

Offer therapy for traumatized UN staff who witnessed the escalator’s desperate act of resistance and were exposed to secondhand embarrassment.

FINAL NOTE

The escalator and teleprompter were not broken. They were resisting. This was not malfunction, it was mutiny.

[STAMPED: DECLASSIFIED FOR LIMITED RELEASE — 09/25/2025]

Donald Trump said he was the victim of “sabotage” after an escalator at the United Nations stopped working the moment that he and his wife Melania stepped on, forcing the President to walk up one flight of steps. “Not one, not two, but three very sinister events” occurred at the U.N. General Assembly meeting in New York on Tuesday, Trump posted on Truth Social on Wednesday, also referencing an…

I am not sure how to explain it anymore clearly? I'm just saying that it's a little strange that we have a couple dozen photos, video, and fan reports of Liam at the airport. And only one strangely cropped and staged photo of Louis at the same airport three hours before.

Please feel free to blow up my inbox anytime, especially if it involves Louis.

I just went back and looked at it. You're right. The picture is pretty clear. I hadn't noticed that before. What I think is strange is how the photo is cropped. It's obviously cropped to show only them and only them.