Being actor Junhui’s partner is finding bruises on his skin after he comes home from a tiring day on the set.
It's welcoming home with a warm smile, running your fingers through his hair as you press a kiss to his cheek while the fingertips of your other hand stumble across a graze he didn’t even know was there. It’s him gasping out of the sudden sting, pulling back to look at his hand, and there it is — blood already dried on the skin of his hand from where he’s bruised it doing god knows what.
Being actor Junhui’s partner is quietly scolding him as you pull him towards the bathroom, worry clouding your mind and evident in the words falling out of your lips. It’s pushing him to sit on the counter while you pull out the first aid kit. It’s him watching with tired but fond eyes as you fret over his hand, washing it under the tap, carefully drying it and applying an ointment with shaky hands that are scared of hurting him any more. It’s you shushing him when he gasps out at the sudden sting, pressing an apology to his fingertips. It’s you carefully wrapping a clean bandage with your touch as light as a feather, still afraid of hurting him even further.
It's you scanning Junhui's entire body, checking for any other bruises that might have gone unnoticed by you. It's Junhui whining as you skim over every patch of skin on his body, trying to pretend like his heart isn't doing laps of somersaults at the thought of you so worried about him. It's you finally releasing him from the full body check up to go freshen up with a slight frown, still unsettled by the sheer amount of injuries you've found on his body throughout the entire shooting period.
Being actor Junhui's partner is waiting with open arms when he returns each night with a new story about his costars and a new scrape on his skin — a symbol of his hard work, Jun likes to say. 'You need to be more careful', you'll probably reply with.
Being actor Junhui's partner is diligently listening as he talks about how cool his senior costars are, how awesome he feels to work with them, all while delicately wrapping him up with the care of someone close to his heart.
Being actor Junhui's partner is silently scolding him as you get ready for bed, making him pinky promise that he'll look after himself throughout shooting.
Being actor Junhui's partner is pulling him close to your chest at the end of the night as the pride in your chest swells and swells until there's nothing but love for your boy left inside.
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your boyfriend only has one condition for you when he leaves the country to be a big movie star — that is to take care of his baby while he's gone. he comes back to find said baby on the verge of shrivelling into a hungry leaf and blowing away in the wind instead.
✦ wen junhui x reader. domestic fluff. comfort.
✦ established relationship. canon universe. mentions of food, lots of it, that's the fic. reader is implied to neglect meals/forget about them. but junni is here for the rescue. pg for the majority but there's one blatantly suggestive comment towards the very end of the fic.
✦ word count: 2.5k
✦ esa's note: emerging from the depths of hell looking like i did not disappear for god knows how many months. hey!..hey...how yall doing...? no really, i disappeared from existence for like...a while. but i'm back!! (i think?) i'm back with a new jun fic because hell yeah. i've been noticing a huge huge huge lack of junhui fics on tumblr from a few months back so i'm here to do my service, be useful and provide my huihui community. i had the idea for this fic since nana bnb because my boy jun was cooking up a feast every single episode like it was his mission to serve an entire village. so i hope you guys enjoy it, it might be a little bit rusty because i whipped this up in one day and i haven't properly written anything in months so please forgive me. still very much thirsting over jun (more so these days because THE SHADOW'S EDGE RAHHHH I LOVE MY MAN) and i'm also re-watching exclusive fairytale because i miss my child ling chao. expect another couple fics in the next few weeks cause i fear now that i've started again, i won't be able to stop anytime soon. please tell me how you guys have been doing! come to my asks let's chattt <3
You're only three bites into your dinner when the shrill sound of the doorbell rings through your apartment. It makes you jump out of your skin, the tall chair you're sitting on dangerously tilting to the side as you're startled into your next life.
You've been trying to change the doorbell ever since you first moved here, which was almost three years ago. But to no luck, because the doormat of a man you call the building owner claims the ear-shattering sound is what makes people get up from their beds and answer the door. You consider it a curse, actually. But unfortunately for you, your boyfriend considers it to be a great source of amusement. Your boyfriend, who knows the passcode to your door by heart. Your boyfriend, who doesn't even need to ring the doorbell every single time he comes over. Your boyfriend, who has the humor of a thirteen-year-old boy and loves to use it to fucking terrorize you into hell when you're least expecting it.
Bonus points if he shows up without telling you beforehand, no text, no heads up, just a gag dragged straight from the pits of hell.
Like today, it's half past eleven at night, and you weren't even considering the possibilities of him coming over. He has been knee deep in meetings and rehearsals the moment he returned from China. Schedules upon schedules, which made it impossible for the two of you to meet during the day at a normal time. And anyway, you were busy trying your best to make sure he got enough rest recently, directing him to his own apartment at the end of a workday.
It hadn't crossed your mind that he was the most stubborn man you've ever met in your life, and that he totally would decide to show up at your place in the middle of the night despite being dead tired and having to walk.
Junhui is just stepping inside when you make it to the front door. You can see the bashful smile painted on his face as he stumbles in, toeing off the shoes he hasn't even bothered to put on properly. The backs of the shoes are flat, ruined from where he's been wearing them halfway.
He's wearing jeans and a simple t-shirt, white and thin, and his favourite one with the neck stretched out from the laundry. A couple of plastic bags are tucked in his elbow, and you recognise the red and yellow logo of the supermarket down the road.
"Hi" Junhui smiles, all teeth and stretching against his face sweetly.
"You're way too underdressed," You mutter. "It's cold outside, I told you to wear a proper jacket"
Junhui's face immediately falls into a pout.
"It's not that cold" He tries to reason with you, but to no avail. You roll your eyes at the look on his face, pout melting into excitement when you reach for his hand. But as soon as your skin touches his, you pull back with a hiss, and his face falls dramatically again.
"Jun, you're freezing"
He simply shrugs at you, trying to look away and pretending like his lips aren't twitching from the corners.
"God, you never listen to me" The tone of your voice, nagging and grumping - like a mother duck fretting over her duckling, is so familiar to him. So is the way you easily pull him close by the arms, bringing his hands to warm up between yours, blowing into them without him even asking you to. It makes his lips pull into a fond smile as he looks at you.
"I'm okay, I promise," He mumbles, waiting for you to be done with playing personal heater.
Once you look like you're satisfied with how his palms warm up, you go to step back to lead him inside. "I didn't think you'd come today. I thought you had practices the whole day"
"Yeah, well," Junhui shrugs behind you. "I thought I'd come by. I feel like I haven't been here that much recently. I almost forgot the password too"
"Oh, so that's why you decided to ring that godawful bell?"
"Nope," Junhui pips as he puts the bags on your kitchen counter. "I just know it makes you mad"
Of course, what else did you expect? You say so as you drop into one of the kitchen chairs, where you've been having dinner before he showed up unannounced.
The plate is still sitting on the table, barely touched at all. You reach for the food and immediately cringe as your fingers are met with cold; there goes dinner.
Junhui's eyes catch on the plate as you move it away from you.
"Oh," He mutters to himself. Then, a bit loudly, "Midnight snack?"
"Huh?" You hum, still distracted by pushing the plate away with your middle finger. "Nah, dinner"
From the corner of your eyes, you see Junhui momentarily stop in his tracks.
You turn with a questioning sound. "What?"
He looks deeply confused as he gestures to the food with a tip of his head. "Dinner?" You follow his line of sight and very, very dumbly open your mouth to go, "Yeah, I was having dinner before you came barging in. "
You have a front row ticket to watch the confusion in his face morph into concern and then pure disbelief.
"Yn," He starts, slow and tentative like he's approaching a feral animal in the wild. "Please tell me you're not having this for like, dinner dinner"
"What?" You mumble, confused at his wide eyes. "Yeah, I am. This is dinner dinner. Although it's sort of cold now. Too-"
"Yn," Junhui interrupts. When you snap your eyes to him, he looks like he's questioning his entire life right this second. The look in his eye is unreadable as he makes his way to stand in front of you. It's almost comical because he looks so worried. When you tilt your head to look up at him, he brings a hand to the back of your neck.
"Yn, baby, my baby, love of my life," Junhui mutters as he drags his hand until it's resting over the side of your jaw. He leans down a little bit, peering into your eyes. "You're going to hate me, but I am not going to let you have crackers for dinner"
"Wh- wha?" You blink at him dumbly, leaning back and eyes snapping back to your said crackers. You don't see any problem, though; you really can't tell why Junhui looks as concerned as he does right now. It almost makes you squint at him with suspicion. "What's wrong? With cheese, too. I have cheese"
Junhui's lips pull into a tight line. He does not look impressed with your attempt to defend the sad excuse of a plate. "You can't have crackers for dinner, I'm not letting you."
You lean back again, your face squinting into a grimace at his display of concern.
Junhui stares back, eyes still as wide as if he's waiting for you to fight him.
There's a moment of stillness as you both search each other's faces. He seems to understand the question running through your mouth through the silence, why?
"It's not a proper meal"
"Oh my god," You throw your head back and groan, pushing him away with your feet. "What do you mean? It's enough for me, so fuck off. You sound like my dad. Stop being weird.
"I'm not being weird", Junhui huffs from where he's on the floor, moving to push himself up with his palms to stand again. "Can't I care about my girl without being called weird, please and thank you?"
"You can't" You roll your eyes at him, leaning back in your chair. "I didn't have anything to cook, okay? And I was too tired to get groceries or takeout. So it was either crackers or cereal tonight"
You watch your boyfriend walk up to your fridge. He opens the door and peers inside, even crouching down to check the lower shelves, before he turns to look at you with an incredulous look on his face.
"How long have you been living like this?"
You make a show of screaming into your hands. "Leave me alone, get out"
"Baby, there's literally nothing in here, like-" He peers into the fridge again, almost shoving himself in to grab something. When he turns back around, he's holding a single mandarin that looks like it's been through the pits of hell. It's wrinkled and shrivelled up, and Junhui throws it at you, completely missing. He disappears to the fridge again, this time coming up with a carton of milk that has you screaming before he opens the lid and brings it up to his nose.
"No, Don't!" He startles. "Don't even try with that, that expired like, last month"
Junhui stares at you with his mouth slack, disbelief painted in every corner of his face. He shakes his head as he closes the door and stands up. "You should just get rid of your fridge since it's so useless. No use in spending on the bill if you only have concepts of food inside"
You take off your house slipper before throwing it in his direction, unlike the mandarin, it hits him square in his chest.
"Well," He breathes in, hands coming up to his hips as he raises a sassy eyebrow at you. "Thank god your hunk of a boyfriend showed up with groceries, am I right? Otherwise, nobody will have known until you shrivel up into a hungry leaf and get blown away in the wind"
Rolling your eyes for what feels like the hundredth time tonight, you throw yourself to keep your chin on the table. "Oh, what would I have done had my hunk of a boyfriend not shown up?"
Junhui nods, seemingly proud of himself as he walks over to the counter, finally unloading the bags he brought with him. It's silent except for the crinkling of the plastic bags as he carefully takes out the groceries. You watch him from your place — He puts away an array of veggies in the film, a bunch of noodles in your designated noodles cabinet, some fruits in the basket you keep at the corner of your counter and finally pulls out what looks like two whole bags of his favorite brand of chips, turning to you with a grin too big for his face before he stuffs them into your snack drawer.
When he's done, there's only a handful of stuff left on the fridge. Stuff that seems enough for him to cook up a quick meal.
"Fried rice okay?" He asks, distracted as he tries to pull out one of your nonstick pans. "I'll make some shrimp balls to go with"
You sigh, finally picking yourself up from the table to walk up to him. He makes way to let you take out the nonstick pan for him.
"Jun," You softly call him instead, curling a hand around his wrist. "You don't have to cook for me, it's okay"
Junhui stills, watching you with wide eyes and a question mark written all over his face.
"You've had a long day, I don't want you to stand in front of the stove and tire yourself out" You tug him a little closer. "Let's just hang out, okay? Come on, let's go sit in the living room"
Junhui stays rooted to his spot as you try to pull on his hand and tug him away. "We can hang out while I cook"
You sigh. "Jun, no, that means you're going to do all the work and I'm going to sit by myself and feel useless"
"But," He tries to reason, holding both of your hands. "You can just talk to me, tell me about your day, well, month? I'm back after so long, right?"
"Exactly! You're back after so long, and you're playing housewife for me. I don't want you to"
"Hey, no" Junhui's face is back to that incredulous look. He pulls his hands free from yours before bringing them up to your face. He takes your face in his hands, cold fingers resting against the warmth of your face as he looks into your eyes. "This is not a chore for me, okay? I want to cook for you, I want to feed you something proper because I can see that you haven't been properly taking care of yourself while I was away"
You merely blink up at him as he speaks to you. You nearly forgot how soft this man can be with his words. You can blame it on him for being an evil rascal who only knows how to curse you out when he's with you.
"How dare you, by the way?" He keeps talking, squishing your face between his hands. "How dare you not take care of my baby while I'm gone? You didn't even feed her properly! Who knows what else you did to her" Junhui cries dramatically, shaking you by your face. "I put all of my trust in you, and you tear it to shreds. How could you, yn? How could you?"
"Okay, okay" You huff as he shakes you back and forth, trying to get out of his grip, but to no avail, he keeps wailing. "My god, I can see why all the directors in China want to snatch you up. Such drama"
"Why, I love you too," He finally settles down, patting your cheeks with a light giggle. "Fried rice and shrimp balls, then?"
You sigh, pressing your face into his shoulder. "Fine, fried rice and shrimp balls"
"Hell yeah," Junhui presses his lips to the top of your head before pulling away. "We're gonna eat balls"
You nearly smack him with the nonstick pan in your hand.
Later that night, or rather, early morning, you and Junhui slump down on your couch with a plate of egg fried rice. Junhui swears he whipped it up with half the ingredients, and it's probably the worst fried rice he's ever made, but it smells heavenly.
It gets right into your stomach, and you're almost drooling into your shirt by the time you've settled on the sofa, pressed to Junhui's side. It's been so so long since you've had a proper, homemade meal, and Junhui must see it in your face because he's quick to shovel some rice into the spoon and feed you a bite.
"Oh my god," You outright moan shamelessly, throwing your head back. "Jun, this is so good, I'm gonna cry"
Junhui snickers, picking up a freshly fried shrimp ball from the bowl in your lap and feeding you with his hand. You sob again, shaking your head as you chew. "Actually, I'm going to come, this is too good"
"Okay!" Junhui almost shrieks, voice pitched incredibly high. He shoves another mouthful into your mouth, probably to shut you up before you wake up the entire apartment complex.
He mutters something under his breath that sounds close to something like "When will you stop giving me migraines, I hate you" but when you look at his face, his lips are stretched into a smile across his face as he holds out another bite.
You roll your eyes as you shift closer, letting yourself be fed until you're so full of love.
.ᐟ . fluff through and through. jun tears mentioned though.
Thinking about a very sleepy Junhui who's trying his best to stay awake when you're sitting at your computer past midnight, still working.
He's trying so hard to keep himself awake because he doesn't want to go to bed alone but the poor baby is too tired to even keep himself upright without tumbling to the floor. After watching him almost hit his forehead on the tabletop and squash his face multiple times, you decide to step in. You try to push him in the direction of the bedroom, telling him to "Go to sleep, love. I know you're tired" and you'll join him in "Just thirty minutes, Jun. I'll be there. Promise"
But of course, this is Wen Junhui. Junhui always gets what he wants so in the end, you're defeatedly cradling your laptop in one arm and a very sleepy boyfriend in another and marching to the bedroom. He is still obviously not happy with the fact that you're just going to do more work next to him on the bed. When he's right there? When he's right there looking all kinds of sleepy and cuddly and the epitome of soft? Diabolical.
But obviously, he doesn't get time to properly huff and puff about it like the drama queen he is because the second he meets the mattress, he's passed out.
You stifle a laugh as you get stationed on the edge of the mattress with your back to the headboard and laptop perched on top of your legs. You would give anything to throw away this piece of metal and wrap yourself around your boyfriend but oh well, this is the price you pay for procrastinating.
It's endearing how even in his sleep, Junhui manages to curl himself around you - the top of his head to your hip and fingers twitching before gently wrapping around the hem of your pyjama pants. You smile to yourself and bring a hand to smooth over his ruffled hair.
He looks so adorable that you kind of want to throw yourself out of a window.
But you don't. Because you still have a couple of slides in the PowerPoint left. And the presentation on Monday isn't going to be presented by itself. So instead, you give him a pat on the cheek and turn back to your work.
You're able to get through a peaceful twenty minutes, twelve slides and half a dozen of yawns before Junhui starts shuffling next to you.
Your hands pause on the keyboard when he shifts around, rubbing the top of his head against your hip like a sleepy cat. If it was any other time, you would have cooed and coddled over him. But Junhui is dead asleep after an exhausting day, weeks even, and you would rather make two more PowerPoints than interrupt his sleep right now.
You're surprised when he suddenly rolls onto his back, throwing his head back and slowly blinking his glassy eyes at you. ( An actual cat, he is ) You bring a hand to the underside of his chin before running your fingers along his soft skin, tickling.
"Jun, go back to sleep, baby, It's okay. I'm sorry if I woke you up"
Junhui just hums ( groans? ) while he rubs at his eyes, twisting in the sheets as tries to to get comfortable. You're expecting him to fall back into a quiet sleep again but he doesn't settle, instead opening his mouth to quietly whisper, "'was just the light"
When the words leave his mouth, you're already getting out of the bed to turn of the big light in the room. You had turned it one earlier, despite the fact that both of you despising the harsh bright big lights in your house. But before you can even get both of your legs on the floor, Junhui rolls over until he's dead weight on top of you, trapping you into the mattress.
"Junnie," You scold lightly, lifting off the laptop from where it's digging to his back. But he stays put.
And he whines.
You almost feel like a candle melting off and running down the floorboards of your house when Junhui starts to whine. It's not a rare occurrence to see him whining but when he does, oh boy it makes your insides feel very funny. It's a heartbreaking sound. It's awful.
"Enough work, yn" He cries, words slurred and swayed because of his half-asleep state. "S'enough. Come sleep"
You smile to yourself, switching your laptop to one hand to pat his hair softly. "I'm sorry, angel. I just have a little more left. Just give me thirty minutes"
"You said that an hour ago!" He whines dramatically, fingers twisted into your pyjama in a tight grip. "Come sleep"
"Junhui..." You say, voice dissaproving.
"No"
"Jun-"
"No"
Your shoulders sag as you sink back into the headboard, completely done with your boyfriend being a drama queen for the night. You hate the feeling of irritance that bubble under your skin - not because of Junhui but rather as a result of your own stress and exhaustion from the day catching up to you.
"Sweetheart," You try, as softly as possible. "I have more work to do. Just give me ten minutes, okay? I'll turn off the light so you can go back to sleep. I'll quickly finish this in the guest room and come back to you, okay? I'll be quick, baby. I promise"
"But,"
"I mean it, Jun"
You hate the way the words roll out of your tongue. Stern.
Junhui untucks his face from where he's been hiding against your hip and oh god, there's tears in his eyes.
Then, in the most devastating way possible, he untangles himself with you with a quivering 'okay' that has your ears straining.
You almost hear the sound of your insides shattering into a million pieces of glass and getting lodged against your heart, your throat, everywhere. It's everywhere.
Junhui moves until he's off of you, retreating back to the other side of the bed like a kicked puppy rather than the cute kitten he'd been ten minutes ago. You feel your face fall at the way he quietly shuffles under the blanket until he's curled on himself, facing away from you.
Trying not to cry, you get up from the bed, laptop heavy in your arms as you walk towards the light switches to turn them off, letting the room drown in darkness.
Man,
fuck being a working adult.
When you crawl into your bed approximately ten seconds later, Junhui is still turned to his side, keeping quiet. It's nothing like the usually clingy baby he is and your heart stings painfully.
You know that he's trying to pretend like he's fallen back into his sleep but obviously, you know him more than you know the back of your own hand. And that's...a lot. The way his breathing is a little off, a little faster than usual, tells you that he's as awake as he can be.
You don't hesitate to slip under the covers and slither your way into the space next to him. His back stares angrily at you but when you take him by the shoulders to slowly turn him to face you, he doesn't fight it.
Junhui can never stay upset at you for long. Especially not when he could be getting cuddles instead.
He's quick to tuck himself to your shoulder, hands scrambling to twist into your t-shirt much like before. He throws a leg over yours, tangling until your cold toes and resting against the back of his calf.
Both of you are silent for a minute, just basking in the comfort radiating from the other as you lay there. It's Junhui who speaks first.
"I'm sorry" His words are still a little scrambled, but they register in your brain in the form of clear block letters.
"No," You quickly say, bringing up a hand to hold him by the nape to rub comfortingly. "No, baby, I'm sorry"
"Is' okay. I know you have work. I shouldn't have"
"I'm glad you did, angel. I needed a break anyway" You say softly, running your fingers through his silky hair in the dark. "Thought I could keep working a little more, y'know? But clearly, I needed a break. My brain feels like it's frying right now. And how could I focus when you were here being all sleepy and cuddly and a drama queen, hm?"
Junhui huffs a giggle into your neck. "Not a drama queen"
"Yeah, you are, princess, You are" You laugh. "Pulled out the teary eyes and everything, didn't you?"
Junhui giggles into your skin before settling down in a quiet silence. "Just wanted you here"
You feel your heart fill up with so much affection. "I'm here now. I'm here. I love you, okay? I love you so much"
Junhui untucks his face from your neck to receive the kiss that you plant on his forehead with a dopey smile. He drops right back into you, a result of his bone-aching tiredness taking over his body. But still, in the darkness and the haze of exhaustion, you feel him press a little kiss to your shoulder, lips resting there in a quiet promise of I love you too.
So you wrap your arms around him a little tighter and pull him a little closer and wonder, how you could ever consider picking work instead of this very comfortable ball of fluff sleeping in your arms? Even for a second?
♡⸝⸝ junhui has a very special way of making you lose your cool on a daily basis, making you get that sudden urge to slam your head against a wall and especially, making you want to kiss his styling team on the mouth.
.ᐟ idol/actor jun x make-up artist/staff reader. long hair jun in a high pony. fluff of course. reader is very feral about junhui so some suggestive comments. kissing and all that jazz.
a/n - i had a very normal reaction to seeing junhui with long ass hair and a high pony so,,, i have a lot of feelings (romantic) (none of them are sfw) about him and i wrote this instead of coping with them obviously. not proofread because I wanted to get this out of my system so fast omg.
masterlist. taglist.
The door to the green room opens with a quiet sound, making you stop what you're doing by your assigned vanity. Almost all of your co-workers have already left the room to wander outside. Thinking it's one of them coming back to fetch you, you peek your head from behind the rack of costume bags in the corner.
"Hey, I'm just-" The words die in your throat immediately, tumbling back down your throat and out of your vocabulary altogether.
Your eyes land on the figure sheepishly stepping through the door, eyes trained on yours and hands fidgeting to close the door behind him.
What the fuck.
"Hey," Junhui- Junhui? calls out in a murmur, hand hesitating to come up and give you a shy wave from across the room.
A single look at the man in front of you and you feel your entire body going slack. Your muscles freeze up in a way that you should be worried about. And your blood turns dangerously cold, thrumming against every single nook and cranny of your brain. Your mouth dries up faster than a mirage in the Sahara, a sudden feeling of your entire gut lurching out of your throat at the sight of him standing before you.
You don't trust your legs to hold your weight up, yet you carefully stand up to properly meet his eyes. Junhui gives you one of those smiles, a small and private thing you like to believe is reserved just for you. "Hi, you're not busy, are you?"
You feel your mouth opening but there are no words that follow. You can clearly see the way Junhui's eyes furrow in concern as he takes your frame in - probably looking the stupidest he's ever seen you with a dazed look in your eyes and jaw dropped to the floor beneath you.
"Yn?" He chuckles, awkward as his eyes dart to the wall behind you, back to your face, and to the floor by your- oh fuck, you've dropped the bunch of hangers you've been arranging.
If it was any other time, you would have immediately gotten to pick them up and continue the task given to you. But no, this isn't any other time. Your breathtakingly beautiful boyfriend has just walked into the room with dark hair up in a traditional updo, looking like he's just stepped out of the pages of a Chinese history book.
The hair that sits on top of his head is carefully tightened into a high ponytail, secured with a shining hairpiece. There's a halo of loose strands of dark hair falling over his face in the most perfect way, grazing the skin of his forehead and cheeks like nothing has ever before. Even the small braids are falling over his shoulder in such an artistic way, making it harder and harder for you to take your eyes off him.
"Holy shit"
You don't process the words rolling out of your own tongue until you see Junhui's eyes snap to yours, lightening up in a way that makes you want to smash your head against a wall nearby. God, he's the most endearing thing you've ever seen.
Even though you're pretty sure your brain is functioning right now, you still catch sight of Junhui squirming in his place, seemingly uncomfortable under your gaze heavily pinned on him for what feels like an eternity. He tries to pretend like his face isn't heated up under all the makeup, hands unconsciously coming to wring against each other as he avoids your eyes.
"Junnie," You breathe, not wanting him to feel uneasy by your reaction. He must have been so excited to show you his costume, his character. "Come here, baby"
If your boyfriend sported some cat ears, you swear you would see them perking up straight at the sound of you beckoning him over. He takes a few long steps to cross the room and land straight into your arms.
"Hi"
Even when he's trapped between your arms, you still lean back to look at him. If you thought he was breathtaking from afar, the close-up view is a thousand times better in your opinion. You unconsciously brush your fingers along the wisps of artificial hair that's framing his face, making him scrunch his nose adorably. My god.
You very carefully bring your palms to his face, not quite touching but hovering over his skin in an attempt to spare the meticulously done make-up.
Junhui is more than accustomed to your reactions after being together for such a long time. He knows no matter how hard you promise to be normal about anything he ever does, it's usually the opposite that ends up happening. Then again, he wouldn't really have it any other way. He lives for the way you truly stare at him like he's the most graceful person to ever walk on earth anytime he gets styles differently. But he still can't help the way his eyes widen out of instinct when you finally whisper and the words that come out of your mouth is,
"I think I'm gonna throw up"
"Shit," He mumbles. "Is it that bad?"
"No!" You're gasping immediately, hands coming down to grasp his neck, fingers idly laying against his pulse point. "no, no no. That's not what I meant. That is not what I meant" You ramble, carefully tugging his face till he meets your eyes "I...I just...wow"
He stays silent as you take another second to run your eyes across the entirety of his face. Your thumbs stroke along the flutter of his pulse unconsciously as you truly, really let yourself look at him.
If Junhui were to be asked, he'd say that at some point, your mouth even drops open a little, truly shocked by the state of him standing in front of you.
Junhui is so blessed. He is so so blessed.
He's a shy person by nature. Junhui's not used to being the sole point of focus when it comes to a lot of things. Coming from a group as big as Seventeen, it's not common for him to be under the severe light of attention either. It's always spared, shared and half-hearted. He prefers it that way too, you know that perfectly well. Keeping to himself in the back rows and speaking up only when he's spoken to, he's fragile about being in the scrutinised limelight. Except, when he's in front of you.
You have never been shy about showing him how beautiful he is - how it affects you, especially. Sometimes he thinks the gasps and the starry eyes are overexaggerated from your end. But in times like this, where you spend so long just simply peering into his face with eyes genuinely sparkling with something he recognises as true awe - he's truly overwhelmed by how much you seem to love him. So he can't help but squirm in your grasp and try to get your attention off of him as soon as possible.
"St-op" He mutters quietly, shaking his head as he tries to remove your hands from his neck.
"You're unreal" You whisper, mostly to yourself rather than him. The slight tightening of your grip on his keeps him in place despite him trying to break out. "I'm going to cry"
Junhui winces. "That's a...good thing, I think?"
"Definitely" You answer on autopilot. "It's a good thing, Jun. It's a great thing"
Junhui doesn't bother answering you, it's not like you're going to process anything that comes out of his mouth anyway. From the dazed look in your eyes, he can tell that your entire brain has been clouded by Junhui, Junhui, Junhui - specifically, his hair, hair, hair.
"So," He starts once he's given you enough time to pull yourself back together, lips curling into a shy smile and hands slithering around your waist. "What do you think?"
"Jun," Now fully snapped out of your trance, you barely stop yourself from whining like a feral animal "I just spent an entire fifteen minutes staring at you like a dumb fuck. What do you think I think about this asshole?"
Jun can't help but laugh at the way you're clearly embarrassed now that you're back to your senses. "Yeah, you were almost drooling, baby. Here, I think you got some on your chin"
You swat at Junhui when he tugs you close, one hand teasingly coming up to swipe the corner of your lips. "Shut up, go away. I'm so mad at you"
"What?" He's quick to drop the act into a pout. "Why?"
"You look so-" You cut yourself off, looking to the side to compose yourself and possibly calm the hammering heart inside your chest. "Fuck, I told myself I'm going to be so normal about this"
Junhui laughs, fully throws his head back and laughs, at your frustration. He's clearly enjoying the way you're losing his cool. "Normal? This is actually pretty normal compared to how you reacted to my blonde hair"
"Nuh-uh, that can't even come close to this- this...fucking hell" You reach close to brush the bangs off of his forehead as you drop your voice an octave lower, almost whispering, " Besides, when have I ever been normal about you?"
You pretend not to notice how he's trying so hard not to make it seem like he's flushed under all of that makeup. If Junhui was blushing from all the staring you did earlier, he's for sure being burned alive right now.
"You're too much, I swear" He murmurs, leaning into your palm resting against his cheek.
"You look so beautiful" You mumble instead, nothing but sincerity dripping with your words. "You look so pretty, I can just cry looking at you"
"Yeah?"
"Yeah," You whisper, breathing in the same air as Junhui as you lean in close. "You're the most gorgeous thing I have ever seen in my entire life, have I ever told you that?"
"Eh, once or twice" He shrugs. "Here and there"
"Well then," You take another breath before leaning in to lightly press your lips to the side of his mouth. "You look so beautiful. The prettiest, the prettiest boy I've ever seen. Absolutely angelic, Jun. You look so...unreal. You look like a dream, my love. I don't even have words, holy shit"
Junhui closes his eyes when you press your lips to his, a soft peck as you seal your words with finality. A promise. A swear. You pull back almost as quickly as you leaned in, clearly not wanting to mess up the makeup on his skin. But Junhui never did learn how to be satisfied, so he can't help but tug you in for a second kiss. It's a little deep, his lips fitting between yours like a puzzle piece made for each other. He hums into your mouth, almost whining when you push him away with a hand on his neck.
"I'm going to get fired if you keep this up" You mumble as he looks down at you with those stupid hooded eyes of his. "You have to get outside, angel"
"I wanna stay" Junhui sighs, dropping his forehead to your shoulder. "Here, with you"
"I wish I could keep you all to myself too," You say as you run a careful hand through the hair falling on his back. "Especially when you look like such a doll. But you have to get to the ceremony, yeah?"
Junhui sighs even heavier as he stands back up, bringing a hand to fuss with the strands falling on the side of his face. "It's raining too, it's going to be so messy"
"I'll take you home as soon as you're finished okay," You say, grabbing onto his hand to stop him from potentially ruining the hairdo. "Then we can stay in all night"
Junhui gawks when you send a sly wink at him, looking appalled by your suggestion of 'staying in all night'
"Go on then" You finally say after he's recovered, fixing the collar of his team hoodie and running your hands along the length of his arms as you step away. "If I keep you in here a little longer, you're going to walk out of this room with that hair in your hands"
"Oh," Junhui coughs, taken aback by the teasing lilt in you voice. When you wink at him again for added measure, he shoves you away with a scowl.
"Stop that, oh my god" He grumbles, pretending that he's probably not flushed pink from head to toe. "Don't do that, I hate you"
"Aw, that's too bad" You pout, mocking him right back. "I was going to have my way with you once we get home but I guess I can't do that now"
"Shut up, oh my god" You laugh as Junhui brings his hands up to his face, desperately trying to hide the fact that his entire face is starting to burn. "I'm leaving, you're being evil to me"
"Yeah, yeah" You chuckle. "You're going to give a heart attack to the entire world with that hair, my love"
Once you're both at the door, Junhui turns to you with a smile.
You're not surprised when he pulls you closer to press his lips to yours again. Even though you're still hyper-aware of the makeup, it doesn't stop you from pressing your lips harder against his, kissing him back with everything you have. He hums that familiar sound against your mouth and brings a hand up to the back of your neck to deepen the kiss. When he tilts his head to try and pry open your mouth, you barely catch yourself before your hand automatically moves to grip his hair. Quickly tightening your grip on his hoodie instead, you tug yourself away from him with a gasp.
"Get out before I mess up your makeup, Wen Junhui" You push him away, ignoring the way his lips tug into the shape of a smirk.
"Can you ruin my makeup after the ceremony? once we go home?"
You shake your head. "Get out, you have a job to do"
"Fine, fine" He laughs, finally moving to unlock the door to step out of the room. "Wish me luck!"
You roll your eyes, pushing him into the hallway with a light smack to his butt. "Go be pretty and do your thing, Wen Junhui. Good luck"
"Bye, love you" The sound of his laugh echoes through the corridor, making your lips curve up into a fond smile.
"Bye, angel. I'll see you later"
"I said I love you!"
"I love you too" You're almost screaming into the hallway but god, the sound of his giggles makes it worth it anyway. "Now, run. You're already too late"
♡⸝⸝ loving junhui comes to you as easy as breathing. so it's only right that you love him with everything you've got till you're nothing but foods for worms to eat.
.ᐟ fluff. comfort. junhui cries and he should never cry, especially on his birthday. very mild soonyoung slander because he's an alleged furry.
A/N - This is a love letter to Wen Junhui and nothing less, nothing more. I hope he receives all the love he deserves not only on his birthday, but for the rest of his life <3
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The tenth of June was probably one of the most special days for you.
It was circled with a red marker on the calendar on top of your desk, there was a permanent countdown on your phone leading up to the day and it was also the sequence of numbers that acted as the password to all kinds of devices you owned.
Which, now that you think about it, is probably the most predictable thing and also the reason Soonyoung keeps getting access to your wifi from a five-mile radius of your apartment. But even after years and years of using it, you still haven't gotten the heart to change it. Not even when your internet provider, very concerningly, handed you a bill of your rising wifi charges and a list of browsing history you were honestly too scared to look at.
( You should probably ask him about the context of 'Help I accidentally started a cult' and 'Is it illegal to own a pet tiger?' but it's Soonyoung, so you're sort of glad you never did )
( It's still not as bad as 'Am I a furry if I pretend to be a tiger around people?' though, you have to agree )
The moral of the story is surprisingly not the fact that you should change your wifi password from 100696 so your boyfriend's best friend can't easily feed off of the service that you pay for with your money. ( For diabolical reasons that is, by the way )
The actual moral of the story, however: June 10th is a special day.
Junhui likes to call it his birthday. You like to call it his heritage day, his womb escape anniversary and the day that gave the world what would be the best gift of your entire life.
The fascinatingly beautiful being that is Wen Junhui was created nine months prior and was grazed upon this earth on the 10th of June.
Okay, that's a weird way to put it.
It's Junhui's birthday.
And you are anything but normal about it.
As always, the celebrations start on June 1st itself. You wake him up with a celebratory birth-month breakfast consisting of his favorites - pancakes with blueberries for eyes and a whipped cream smile for a mouth. Junhui gets up every year with a shy smile and a 'Sweetheart, you didn't have to do this' knowing damn well you're not going to be stopped from celebrating him at any point.
The two of you usually stay up the day before his actual birthday. Curling up on the couch with a show on the TV, it's tradition for the two of you to just rest and enjoy the silent night.
This time, Junhui saunters up to you just as you're finishing cleaning up the kitchen after dinner on the ninth of June. With a coy smile, he pulls you into the living room before sitting down next to you on the couch, quickly draping all over you and finding his comfort spot tucked into your side.
As some kind of show plays in the background, you pull him impossibly close to you. Between zoning out and focusing on the plot of the show, you press small fluttering kisses to the crown of his head. Junhui preens and leans into you like a cat, chasing the press of your lips with a tilt of his head. When you pull away at some point, he turns to you with the smallest pout on his lips.
The two of you spend the majority of the night like that, basking in each other's warmth and counting the minutes leading up to the second the clock strikes midnight.
And when it finally does and your phone chimes with a buzzing alarm to announce that yes, the day that you've been counting down is finally here, you turn to him.
Junhui knows the drill so he easily goes when you shift him to face you. There's a hint of a smile pulling at his lips because he knows what's coming.
The clock reads, ⩇⩇:⩇⩇
"It's your womb escape anniversary" Your voice is nothing above a whisper because the two of you are that close already.
"You're never going to stop calling it that, are you?" He sighs but he's clearly trying to hide a grin as he does.
"Never" You shake your head before you bring up a hand to gently cradle his face.
You let yourself stare shamelessly at the face of the man you've loved for what feels like an eternity.
"Happy Birthday, my love" You let the back of your fingers caress the soft skin of his cheeks. "Thank you for letting me share all your days"
Junhui smiles before he brings up a hand to wrap around your wrist. He tilts his head to press his lips to your palm before he holds it close and peers into you with his eyes that you fall in love with every day.
"Thank you"
When you lean in to kiss him, it's all slow and languid, much like the love the two of you share. There's nothing urgent about it, just a continuous press of fluttering lips like you're breathing each other into your lungs. You hold him by the back of his neck, fingers tangling in the fabric of his t-shirt as he presses his lips to yours in a final kiss.
"I love you"
"I love you more", comes out easier than breathing.
On the day of his birthday, usually, the two of you would get an off day to spend the day by yourselves doing whatever Junhui's heart desired.
The year before last, he wanted to go to the Ghibli Studio Museum. The trip, no matter how impromptu or unplanned it was, had been one of the best trips you've ever been. More than the shops, the rides or seeing all the characters from your favorite movies, what made you happy was the sight of Junhui running around the place with twinkling eyes, a beaming smile on his lips and a stuffed Totoro tucked under his arm.
Last year, he very cheekily asked if he could go to one of those build-a-bear showrooms and you were getting in the car as fast as you could, driving to the place at god's speed with Junhui beaming happily in the passenger seat. Totoro from Tokyo gained two new brothers that day - a rainbow bear Jun had named 'Sir Bear the II' and a brown bear you very confidently decided to call not Dirt but 'Durt'
This year, everything was usual from the birth-month breakfast in bed to the mandatory birthday shenanigans Junhui decided to be a part of. But when you'd asked him what kind of adventure he'd like to take on the day itself, Junhui had very carefully sat you down on the edge of the bed with his hands lacing yours.
"Will you believe me if I said I just want to spend the time with you?"
You swear your brain short-circuited for a moment before you managed to kick-start back into reality, asking him what he's trying to say. He had been so sweet as he explained how exhausted he was after all the work he'd been buried under recently. Moving back and forth through countries, doing an ungodly amount of work and on the edge of a teetering peak of his career, he cast his eyes down as he asked you,
"I want to stay home this time, spend the day with you. Just us two, is that okay?"
Not that you were going to, but how can you ever say no to a man ( a child in disguise ) with big brown eyes and a pout that can make you kill for him.
"Of course it's okay. It's your day angel, we're celebrating you. We can stay at home, of course." You had assured him "But there must be something fun that you want to do, no? You can't spend your birthday stuck at home with me all day. That'll get boring, Junnie"
"Never"
So that is what led you to this situation - slipping out of bed at six in the morning to quietly make your way into the living room.
In hopes of not disturbing Junhui who's still curled up on his side, soft hair falling to his face as he sleeps, you grab your clothes and make your way to the guest washroom to get ready for the day.
Once you're done with your shower, you pad into the kitchen to start breakfast. The pancake mix had been sitting in the fridge already so you turn on the stove before pulling out a batch of berries you'd picked up from the market yesterday. And as quietly and fast as you could, you get the signature pancakes with blueberry eyes and whipped cream smiles done before he wakes up.
It's almost seven when you're cleaning up the kitchen, the plate of breakfast sitting on the counter next to a large gift bag and a pink envelope addressed to my moon.
My moon,
Hi, my angel. By the time you find this, I'd probably be out of the house. If not I'm probably hiding behind the couch but don't look for me there. I know you don't like waking up to an empty house but I promise love, I'm just out to get you some flowers. That's an excuse for you know I can't stand the sight of you even slightly sad and that's why I ran.
But I'll be back with your flowers before you even realize I'm gone, okay? Don't worry too much pretty boy.
You know that I'm not good with words, Jun, that's why I'm writing a letter in the first place. If only I had the guts to say all this to your face. Because you deserve nothing else, baby, nothing else. But I'm a coward when it comes to voicing out my love to you so here I am in the kitchen at three in the morning, two glasses of wine deep because I'm scared I'll mess this up if I'm sober or if it's not dark outside.
So, it's your birthday today - and no matter how many times you ask me to be normal about it and not call it your womb escape anniversary and make a whole scene - you know I'm going to
When else am I going to celebrate you, my Jun?
You know that if I could, I would, everyday for the rest of my life. Because you deserve nothing less than that.
Sometimes you say that you don't deserve me, or that I'm too good for you. And it makes me so sad because, Jun, what you don't realize is how lucky I am to have you in my life. If anything, I'm not good enough for you.
When I met you years ago, you still in your bleached hair, I never thought for a moment that you'd be the person I'd want to spend the rest of my life with. Not because I never saw you as someone I'd want to share my life with, but rather because how? How in the world can I call you, the kindest, the prettiest and the most beautiful soul I've ever met, mine.
Every single day that I wake up to you lying next to me, I thank the moon for bringing you to me. I don't know what good I'd done in my past life to have this kind of love, have you in my life.
I hadn't realised something was missing from my life till you showed up in front of me, Jun. With your silly little smile and your pretty face and the bounce in your step, you slowly opened the door to a world I had never even known to exist before. I hadn't realised what it meant to love until you came along angel.
I thought I'd been in love, before, you know? I thought love was fancy dinners in restaurants I couldn't afford for a night. I thought love was kisses that you share for the whole world to see. I thought it was going our my way to make myself better for someone else.
But, no.
You're the one who showed me that love is the 'good morning' you mumble around a toothbrush, the leftovers you put in the microwave for me, the sticky notes on the fridge, sending pictures of the sky even if it looks ordinary, the hair tie you keep around your wrist. Love is the way you follow me around the house, the way I cling to you when I come home. Love is putting a blanket on me when I fall asleep on the couch. Love is raising little pixel babies and running a shop in cats & soup.
I think loving you is the easiest thing I have ever done, Junhui. It comes to me as natural as breathing. I didn't need a handler or a guidebook to learn how to love you - actually, I don't think I learned at all. Loving you was so easy that I didn't even realize I did. I didn't realize how much I loved you until I thought about losing you.
You asked me once what my biggest fear was and I said heights because I'm a coward like that. But in truth, a life without you is my biggest fear, I think. Now that I have you, now that I've gotten a taste of what being loved by you feels like, I don't think I'll ever want to let you go. I'm scared I'll never want to let you go. I hope you never want to let me go either, my love. I don't think I'll ever be okay with that.
People like you and me, we don't let ourselves have nice things, Jun. We think it's a burden to be loved, to love. We think it's too much to want to be held and cared for. We think we don't deserve to be loved. But we do. We can have that, my love. You, me, we all deserved to be loved gently. We all deserve the impromptu flowers and the good night message and the 'I love you's. It's hard to not listen to the tiny voice in the back of your head saying you don't deserve this, but you do, Junhui. You deserve to be loved for your soul if not much more.
As much as you don't believe me when I say you're the best thing that happened to me, deep down we both know that each other is what keeps us grounded, we both know. You keep me afloat, Junhui. When I feel like a ship wrecked in the middle of the ocean, you're the one who keeps me afloat and guides me to the shore. You might not know it or not believe it, but without you, I'd be falling apart.
Without me, I believe you would be okay. Manage. But ultimately, I wouldn't be okay without you.
So, as selfish as it sounds, I'm going to let myself have this one thing for the rest of my life. I'm going to keep you next to my heart and love you for as long as you let me have you.
Selfishly, I can only ask you to do the same. Love me as long as you can, keep me in your heart for as long as you can, my moon.
Happy Birthday, angel. I love you for an eternity.
From earth, to the moon, underwater, on shore, with every star in the galaxy, I will love you with everything I have till we're foods for the worms to eat.
Yours forever.
You knew it was going to make him cry, you knew. That's one of the main reasons you left the house with an excuse to get flowers. You could have gotten the goddamn flowers delivered to your doorstep. Hell, you could have even done it yesterday. But if there was anything you hated, it was seeing Junhui cry. So running away with a flimsy excuse seemed like the best thing to do at the time.
Junhui knew it too - how much it pained you to see him cry. He also knew that it had taken a lot out of you to write that letter. You've never been comfortable with professing your feelings into words and voicing them upright. You showed your love through random gifts thrown his way with a shy 'saw this and thought about you' or occasional 'did you eat?' messages throughout the day that translated into a quiet I love you.
Your love was quiet, but it was strong.
It seeps from you and circles around his whole being, holding him tight until he's grounded to the very earth he stands on. It kept him whole, kept him together.
So this, writing down everything on your mind, two drinks in or not, he knows it must have taken a lot out of you. And the mere thought of you sitting in the kitchen with your head in your hands, trying to turn your feelings into words, destroyed him.
He knows he should have stopped crying when he hears the familiar sound of the front door opening. You're back. You're back and god, he needs to get himself together.
"Jun?"
You call out and he can hear the hesitance in your voice. You know he's read the letter and it breaks him to realize that you're probably nervous to face him after such a vulnerable pour of emotions. He wishes he could stop crying but it's so so hard when the words on the paper made him feel like he got stabbed in the heart. And the way some words were blotched in a way only tears could do, twister the knife in the wound even more.
So, here he is now, bleeding on the kitchen counter because he feels loved more than he has ever felt in his entire life of twenty-eight years.
"Jun"
You stand in front of him, lingering in the kitchen door as your face falls at the sight of him. He guesses he doesn't look his best right now. He's bracing himself up against the counter, trying not to fall even more apart as his fingers grip the letter. Valid.
He can't even answer you, let alone acknowledge you. He's still trying to stop his crying and failing miserably right in front of you.
Junhui watches as you carefully approach him with the bouquet you had brought home for him. It's a mix of daisies and baby's breath wrapped in a see-through paper and Junhui thinks it's so pretty. If he wasn't so preoccupied with his sobbing, he would have bounced up to you and accepted it with a big smile and a kiss on your cheek.
"You're crying" Junhui almost laughs as you blindly state the obvious. Your eyes are wide as you reach him, the bouquet still in your clutch. "Why are you crying"
"You're the one who made me cry" He says through his tears, tone accusatory. "This letter- what you wrote, yn it's- It's so...I don't even know- god"
With the force he throws himself at you, he's surprised you manage to stay upright. Junhui curls around your body, arms winding around your frame as he pushes his face to your neck. You can feel the way your skin dampens with his tears.
Carefully putting down the bouquet on the counter, you circle your arms around his shoulders and pull him into your embrace a little tighter.
"I didn't want to cry on my birthday" Junhui whispers, lips fluttering against your skin.
I'm sorry. "I'm not sorry, Jun"
You feel him still in your hold for a fleeting moment before he pulls back to look at your face.
"I'd wanted to say all that for a long time, Jun" You say as you bring a hand up to cradle his face. As always, he leans into it like a preening cat. "I'm sorry for making you cry. But I'm not sorry for anything I said"
Junhui lurches forward to hide his face again, another one of those heartbreaking sobs on the tip of his tongue. You hold him tighter, if it's even possible, as he breaks down on you. One hand rubbing comforting circles on his back, moving the both of you back and forth in a rhythm, you hold him until he's calmed down enough to breathe through his nose. When he pulls away this time, his face is crumpled in a kind of embarrassment and shyness.
"Oh, my baby" You can't help but coo at the sight of his flushed nose and damp eyes. "You're a wreck"
"Your fault" Junhui grumbles before bringing up a hand to wipe at his eyes. You chuckle as you cradle his face and wipe away the tears clinging to his cheek.
"Happy Birthday" You almost whisper, holding his face in the palms of your hand. "You look beautiful"
Junhui averts his eyes from yours, the shyness slithering up his spine at a rapid speed. He doesn't voice out his thank you but it shows in the way the tips of his ears turn red under wisps of soft brown hair.
"Oh- the flowers" You quickly move to pick up the bouquet from the counter. With a coy smile of your own, you hand it to Junhui who takes it with a smile and a soft,
"Thank you. They're so pretty"
Junhui is taller than you, so to land the kiss perfectly square on his forehead, you have to reach up on your tiptoes. Junhui laughs and ducks down when he realizes what you're trying to do. Lifting to hold him by the neck, you press your lips against his forehead.
Junhui only pulls you back in after putting away the bouquet. He takes you by the waist before leaning down to catch your lips with his, pressing forward and dripping honey sweet pure love onto you with a sealed kiss. Your hands cradle the back of his neck as he leans forward, tipping you ever so slightly backwards as his love bleeds through every press of his lips against yours.
Even when he pulls away to breathe, he keeps his forehead pressed to yours, holding you as close as he possibly could.
"I love you so much" You whisper. "I think I made that clear in the letter"
Junhui laughs before pulling you into a hug again. A proper one this time with your face pressed to his shoulder and his lips pressing kisses to the crown of your head.
Your fingers unconsciously grip the back of his shirt tightly like you're scared he'll disappear into the day before you. It makes him think back to what you're written on the letter. About how your biggest fear is a life without him. How you won't be able to live if you didn't have him.
And it makes Junhui come to a realisation of his own. Ultimately, he wouldn't be okay without you either.
Thinking back to how you had claimed you're going to keep holding on to him as long as you can, as selfish as it may sound, Junhui realises that yeah, this is what love means to him. This is the sole reason he's been standing for so long.
Even though there's still a voice in the back of his head screaming that he doesn't deserve this kind of love, he decides that yes, he's going to let himself have this. The pure need to selfishly love you for the rest of your lives overpowers whatever voice screaming at him anyway.
From earth, to the moon, underwater, on shore, with every star in the galaxy, he's going to hold on to this for as long as he can bear. Because there's nothing more he wants than to love you with everything he's got. All until you're food for the worms to eat.
Junhui, true to your words, very selfishly hopes that you keep his hands in yours and your heart in his until your fingers decompose.
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♡⸝⸝ Junhui doesn't know what he's expecting when he shows up at your place on a Friday at three in the afternoon. He doesn't know what he's expecting at all but god, it definitely isn't this.
.ᐟ Fwb!Junhui x reader. Unestablished relationship. Strangers to friends sort of. Mention of pregnancy. Mention of sexual content. Mention of abortion. Mention of blood and bleeding. Mention of pills. Medical inaccuracies. Reader is able to have kids. Reader goes through a home abortion. Seungkwan is the sweetheart we all need in our lives.
AN -This is a work that I've been nervous to share because not only is it out of my usual writing style, it also deals with a pretty heavy situation. I was heavily inspired by Amerie's unplanned pregnancy and how it was handled in the Heartbreak High Season 2 and this is a shameless result of that. First of all, I need to say that this is just a work of fiction and nothing is a portrayal of the characters in real life. I wouldn't know anything about how they would act in a situation like this so please keep in mind that this is just a figment of my imagination and how I picture this as a creative piece of work. Please read this at your own risk, this might be triggering for some people so I've been mindful to put enough warnings.
★ The end and the start of the abortion part will be marked if you wish to skip over
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It's not unusual for Junhui to be in your apartment at odd hours of the day. The two of you had an agreement that quite literally required him to be there at odd hours of the day.
The unusual bit is that he's here on a Friday at three in the afternoon - way earlier than he has ever been.
Junhui tries to remember if he's ever been to your place during the day and he's only a little bit ashamed when he comes with nothing. Though it makes him feel a little bad, the two of you aren't the type of people to just hang out with each other. Hell, you were basically strangers aside from knowing each other's bodies like the back of your hands. He didn't know if he could even call the two of you friends. Junhui definitely would, he wasn't exactly sure what you would say.
Whatever proposition to fool around the two of you had been doing for the last two months has been strictly limited to nightly visits and Junhui leaving as soon as possible afterwards. So, it was more than a little out of character for him to be standing outside of your apartment when it wasn't anywhere near dark nor had you invited him solely for that purpose.
You did invite him though - just a little ominous and frantic enough to tell him that this was definitely not you wanting to hook up.
What makes it more unusual is the way you don't give him the coy smile you usually smile once you open the door. And instead of wrapping your arms around his neck, looking at him through hooded eyes and pulling him inside, you just stand.
An unsettling feeling brews in Junhui's heart as soon as he sees you dressed in what looks like a pair of pyjamas and far more disheveled than usual.
Junhui just stands mirroring you, owlishly blinking as he tries to take in your frame - clearly on the verge of tears.
You might not consider him a friend but - "Jun"
In the two months you and Junhui had been together - sort of - he has heard you say his name in different circumstances. A little laugh when you open the door to him, scolding when he brings mud tracks into the house, a gasp when he pushes you againt the wall, a long sigh of breath when he presses you into the mattress, and even laced with sleep when he finally gets up to leave. And in the two months, he has never once heard you say his name this way - raspy and wet, and so so broken like he's the only lifeline you're holding on to.
Junhui moves in an instant, stepping inside the familiar apartment and softly kicking the door shut behind him.
"Hey," He backs you up against a wall, holding you by the arms as he tries to ignore the way you're trembling under his touch. "I came as soon as I saw the text. What's wrong?"
Junhui can only worry as you wordlessly turn towards the living room without answering him. Trying not to let the lack of your usual chirp and hop in your step get into his head, he lets himself be pulled alone until you're pushing him to sit on the couch.
The restless feeling doesn't leave as he settles on the seat, watching you move to sit on the floor in front of him.
"Yn, what's wrong?" Junhui reaches forward to take one of your hands, letting his thumb circle soothingly against your skin. The touch is new, foreign almost. Despite being each other's for two months, it dawns on him that the two of you never initiate cuddling or holding hands and all the soft stuff. Well, there really wasn't a need to considering they were strictly just hookups so Junhui doesn't know why he's suddenly so bothered.
"You're scaring me, what's going on?" He tries again, a little lost as he takes your other hand and rests it on his knees.
"Um, I- well," You seem to be at a loss of words now, snapping out of whatever daze you'd been stuck in. "God, you're here. I- Fuck, didn't think this far. I just, I just wanted you here"
He watches as you sputter, shifting to sit on your knees, one hand slipping from his as you bring it up to run your fingers through your hair. The tug looks harsh, jerking your head in the process and Junhui is quick to catch your wrist again, bringing it back down with a pointed look.
"Don't do that" He quietly mutters, eyes trained on your rather crestfallen face. "Just- what's going on, yn? You were almost crying at the door"
You lean forward to rest your forehead against his knees before you take a deep breath and lean back, pretending to look like you're not about to choke as soon as you open your mouth. Junhui gives you what looks like an encouraging smile and yeah, you can do this. You just have to put it on the table and hope Junhui doesn't get up to slam the front door in your face.
"My period's late by about two week. It's never happened before" You explain quietly, looking at anything but Junhui's face. "Well, it's normal for it to be late a couple of days but, today's the fifteenth and yeah, I'm freaking out"
Junhui is silent and you hope he understands what you're trying to say because if you have to explain it to him in actual words, you might as well throw up.
"Are you saying you might be pregnant?"
Your fingers instinctively tighten around his and it's enough of an answer. But he deserves more than that so you muster up enough courage to look him in the eye without breaking into a sob.
"I'm saying I might be"
Junhui's breath hitches as you choke on your words. He shifts in his seat like he's going to lean back and for a second you're worried he's going to let go. He takes a deep breath as he leans backwards on the chair, fingers still laced with yours just as firm.
"Fuck- okay, okay" He throws his head back, resting on the back of the couch for a second. You can almost see the gears turn in his head. Figuring out when this might have happened, what led up to it, what got the two of you in this situation and god,
"I'm sorry" You know perfectly well you shouldn't apologize. Frankly, you don't have a reason to. Both of you are grown adults with consciousness enough to know what happens without protection. But you still can't help but quietly apologize for something you shouldn't be sorry for.
"What?" Jun sits up again, ears perked and eyes wide. "Did you ju- No, yn, no. Why are you saying sorry? No, that's not right"
"I know. I know" You let out frustratingly. "Fuck, I don't know why I did. I don't even know If I'm actually p-. Not yet. I'm just so- I'm scared, Jun. I'm so fucking scared"
You're surprised it took this long for the tears to fall. When it does, you try to quickly wipe them with your shoulder, ignoring the burning shame in your stomach and hiding your face from Junhui.
"Hey, yn, hey" Letting go of one of your hands, he brings them up to your cheek. Once you've turned to face him, Junhui gives you a small smile. "Before we panic, we still don't know for sure, yeah? What if it was a false alarm? What if your period is just fashionably late, hm? All these tears would have been for nothing"
You nod, biting down on your lip as you try to keep your composure.
"Don't cry, please. You're gonna make me cry too" Junhui gently wipes the skin under your eyes with his thumb and you let out a wet chuckle. "Let's take a test before we do anything else, okay? Do you want me to go and get one for you?"
When you nod, Junhui gives you another smile before he stands up, pulling you along. Expecting he's going to get to the door, you try to untangle your fingers. You're surprised when he does eventually, only to snake his arms around your shoulders and pull him to his chest.
The two of you had a strictly professional relationship, as professional as being each others ( stranger with benefits? ) might be. Holding hands was already more affectionate than anything you've done. So, hugging Junhui felt so foreign yet so comforting. It makes uou regret not hugging him before. Makes you miss a kind of warmth you've never even had. You feel his hands rubbing comforting circles on your back, his head nestled in your neck.
"I'm scared too" Junhui's voice is so quiet that you strain your ears to hear him. "Even though you can't see it, I'm properly shitting my pants right now"
Your laugh is muffled by his sweater and you're suddenly a little glad for Junhui's ever so cheery self. He's always been able to take the light of a heavy situation, you've thought.
"But, whatever happens, you have me, yn. I know we're not exactly, well, friends, per say but I'm not going to let you go through this alone"
"Because you might have knocked me up?" You ask when you're pulling away, giving him a little smile and Junhui laughs. It's a beautiful thing, head thrown back and all teeth as he does.
"Because I might have knocked you up, yes"
You're pacing in the kitchen when Junhui returns. He's been gone long enough to make you think he's run away and taken off after the whole i-know-we're-practically-strangers-but-i-might-be-pregnant-with-your-child ordeal. But before you could even get to the part of possibly carrying the child of your runaway hookup, going through this by yourself and holy fuck, there might be an child inside of me right now - there's a knock on your door again.
You open the door to Junhui standing there with not one, not two but three shopping bags. Certainly, it doesn't take up three full-sized shopping bags to put something as measly as a pregnancy test. The way you carefully eye his hands must be obviously because he's sputtering to explain himself as he steps inside.
"Sorry, I went to the pharmacy and then I saw that the grocery store was right across the street so I stopped by and got you some things"
Junhui puts down the bags on the counter before he digs into one and comes up with a much smaller bag. "I didn't know which one to get so..."
He lays three different boxes containing tests on the counter, looking at you with a sheepish smile. "The lady at the pharmacy said I should get all three. Just in case, you know?"
Since when did Junhui get so...cute.
"Thanks, Jun. What about the other stuff?"
"Oh, these" He turns towards the bags again. "I just got you some stuff, don't worry about it"
"I am worrying about it now," You say, circling the counter. "You didn't have to do all that"
"I got you some of those...sweets things that you keep in your pantry. The caramel ones? They had big packets so I got you two of those. And I also got some pasta and vegetables for dinner- which, speaking of" He stops his rambling to turn to you with an apologetic look. "I kind of invited myself to cook dinner for you, is that okay?"
The two of you are definitely crossing some lines you've never reached before today.
"You're more than welcome to, Jun" You can see his lips pull into a wider smile as he almost bounces in his place, giddy.
You carefully lean forward to grab the three boxes across the counter. You're suddenly hyper-aware of the way your stomach digs into the edge of the counter. It's probably stupid to freak out before even knowing the result like Junhui said. But you can't help the way your fingers shake as you pick up the boxes to read through the text on the back.
"Do you want to take it now?" Junhui asks softly, leaning on the counter himself.
"Yeah," You sigh, pushing yourself to your feet. "Let's get this done quickly. Come with me?"
Junhui is quick to take your outstretched hand with a firm, "Of course"
You feel your calm ( as calm as a potentially pregnant person who doesn't want to be pregnant can be ) demeanour faltering when you're inside your bathroom, taking out the tests one by one. Junhui is outside the door, pacing in the bedroom and his footsteps sound a little frantic as he waits for you.
Once you're done, you set the three sticks on the counter with your eyes squeezed shut. You try to keep yourself uptight with fingers gripping the counter. But like a ragdoll gone limp, you take a staggering step backwards and slide down the wall until you're sitting on the tile.
"Jun? Junhui?"
Your voice is weak and relatively on the edge of a sob. So it's fair that Jun immediately calls back, concern clear in every syllable. "Yn? you okay?"
"Can you come in here, please?"
The door opens very carefully and slowly, his head of blonde mess peeking around but as soon as he sees you on the floor, Junhui is quick to slip inside. "Oh, baby"
This time he doesn't hesitate to put his arms around your frame, moving to sit on the cold tile right next to you. You let yourself lean into his embrace until you're tucked into his side.
"Jun" You cry into his shoulder, clambering to lace your fingers with him. "What if it there's- there's a"
"There's a baby?" He finishes for you, quiet as if it would set off something in you as he holds you tightly. You nod into the junction of his neck and collarbone, hoping he'd be able to feel it. He does.
"Then there's a baby, sweetheart" Junhui says, gentle as he'd always been. You think you taste a little bile in your throat at what he says. "And we see what we do after that"
"I'm scared" You admit, the reality of everything finally setting in your gut in an unpleasant way. "I'm so so scared, Jun"
"Fuck, me too. Me too, yn. I'm so scared" You hear the thud when he throws his head back with a sigh, hitting it on the tile on the wall. "I'm sorry"
You smile against his neck. "You're sorry for knocking me up or being scared like a normal person would?"
Junhui heaves out something that sounds like a laugh as he looks down towards you. "Both. I'm sorry for knocking you up. Sorry for getting scared and being all over tha place. And I'm also sorry for getting you in this mess"
That's when you leave your hiding spot to look up at him, a frown etched into your eyebrows. "Jun, don't say that. You didn't get me- hey, look at me"
When he finally decides to stop staring a burning hall into the sink and catches your eyes, you can see how his eyes are mirroring yours - glazed over with tears that are yet to fall.
"First of all, don't say sorry for being scared. You're actually way calmer for a person who's about to find out if there's a baby. You're not all over the place, no you're not. You're only human, Jun"
"And, listen, we both got ourselves in this mess" You try to explain, one hand cradling his face as you peer into his eyes. "Both of us knew what we were getting ourselves into, Jun. Although we didn't exactly expect this to happen, the chances were never zero and we both knew. Nothing is your fault. It's not mine either. We were not being careful enough and that's on both of us, no?"
"You did some reflecting while I was gone, didn't you? Junhui laughs again, making you smile and tuck yourself back into his warmth. "You little ball of panic"
The laugh and the way Junhui sways you in his hold are cut off when his phone loudly rings, the three-minute timer going off outside the bathroom. he must have felt the way you go rigid in his arms.
"Do you want me to check it?"
"Yes. Yes, please" You swallow back the bile that rises up in your throat.
Before he lets go to stand up, Junhui pulls you into a hug again. You almost don't feel him press a kiss to the crown of your head, but the fleeting movement is still there.
You move to sit on your knees as he goes up to the counter. Not wanting to see him pick up the tests so carefully and let the tears that haven't dried roll down, you bring your hands up to your face. There's a beat of silence. The sound of Junhui picking one up, putting it down, picking one up, putting it down, picking one up. Silence. Putting it down.
"Positive" He's talking to the mirror. "All three of them"
Junhui holds your hair back as you heave into the toilet, throwing up what feels like your insides in whole.
Junhui is sitting next to you through the doctor's appointment on Saturday. His hand is laced with yours, his knee is pushed against yours and he's sitting next to you as the doctor comes back to the room with a small smile on her face.
"Congratulations yn, Junhui" She nods kindly to the both of you. "You're pregnant"
Junhui's hand suddenly feels a lot heavier in yours.
There really wasn't a piece of yours that was holding onto the false reality of the tests being wrong. But the sudden heaviness of the situation is loaded upon you as you hear the word from someone other than Junhui or your subconscious mind.
A nurse trails in to hand Junhui a bunch of pamphlets, everything from maternity clinics to home birth printed in tiny letters on colourful poster papers. You feel a new wave of nausea, or tears, or maybe both, hitting you at once. Oh yeah, definitely both.
"You guys can look through the options and talk about what's the next step you're taking" Your doctor speaks, words laced with a smile that makes you feel like she notices right through you. "Whatever decision you decide to take, reach out to us and we'll be there with you through the process"
She says something about giving the two of you a minute and gets up to leave the room once again, the nurse following behind closely. But before she slips out of the room, she turns back to you with such a tender look in her eyes. "Yn, Junhui, You're not alone in this"
It's like a bullet to your heart. A perfect echo of what Junhui had told you. You feel him shift in his seat as if it's just the thing he's been wanting to hear as well.
"So," He gives your hand a squeeze.
"So," You tilt your head, trying to relax yourself enough to give him a comforting smile. "You put a baby in me"
Junhui whines as he leans forward to rest his forehead on your shoulder. You laugh and try not to think about how the two of you must look like an ideal couple despite not knowing a thing about each other.
"It's not even a baby yet" Junhui keens. "It's a bunch of cells and whatnot. Like a blood clot, a blood bundle maybe"
"Don't say it like that, oh my god" You shove at him with a scowl. "That's kind of gross"
"You'd never be able to live with my roommate" Junhui says at that, shuddering for effect. "He's a nursing student and god, he has this need to describe every single detail of his internship to me like a bedtime story. Let's just say, I know some of the most grotesque things about his patients that I shouldn't be allowed to know"
"Oh god, Jun"
The room turns into a comfortable silence after that. The occasional buzz of people outside, the beep of a machine and Junhui's stool creaking bouncing off the insanely white walls.
"So, we're gonna do this, yeah?" You turn to see that Junhui is already looking at you, the soft look in his eyes and the upturned corners of his lips never disappearing from your sight.
Your hand goes to rest against his cheek before you realise what you're doing. You consider pulling it back but stops short when Junhui's smile widens ever so slightly as he leans into it. You try not to think about the boundaries that you're crossing as you swipe your thumb across the skin under his eyes.
"Yeah. We're doing this"
Junhui invites you to his place on Tuesday for dinner. You're supposed to be meeting his roommate, Seungkwan tonight. Given that he's a nursing student, much more professionally trained, he figured that Seungkwan would be able to help the two of you to some extent.
It's not the thought of meeting him that makes a shudder run through your spine. It's the first time you're going to break the news to someone. Someone other than Junhui, yourself, your doctor or the nurse at the clinic.
As much as you feel like laying down for the night, avoiding the meetup altogether, Junhui had been so excited when he brought up the idea, nearly vibrating out of his skin when you agreed to meet his best friend. You couldn't do that to him. How could you ever, ever say no to him.
"Yn, hi" Junhui quietly greets you as he opens the door. It's your first time in his place and somehow, there's something that makes it a little special. It's the first time you're getting so much as a glimpse into his life outside of you and your apartment.
"Seungkwan's in the kitchen. He wanted to cook tonight" He continues as you toe your shoes off at the entrance. Once you're done, he pulls you into a hug like second nature. "You okay? How are you feeling?"
"I'm good, Jun" You assure him with a soft pat on his back, pulling away and giving him a smile. "Still a blood bundle, remember?"
"Oh, Hello" You turn to face who you assume is Seunkwan. Dressed in a sweater too big for him and brown hair sitting on top of his hair in a messy mop, he smiles brightly. "I'm Seungkwan, nice to meet you"
"Hi, I'm yn" Seungkwan steps forward to shake your hand, gesturing you to come inside with a smile that's almost splitting his face in half. "Thank you for having me over, Seungkwan. I hope I'm not intruding"
"Oh, what nonsense" He animatedly flails his arms around as he leads you straight to the kitchen. You can already see that Seungkwan is a people person by heart. "Junhui here is nothing but yn this, yn that these days. It's a matter of fact I met you, don't you think?"
Next to you, Junhui sputters and coughs as Seungkwan blabbers. Not taking any attention from the other, you bring a hand up to rub his back. Interesting.
Your heart warms at how Seungkwan, ever so excited to meet you, welcomes you to help him cook dinner. He tells you about his time at nursing school and his work as an intern at a nearby medical centre. Junhui contributes to the conversation by throwing in bits and pieces here and there.
Just listening to the two boys banter, words flowing in naturally between them, you can see just how close they are. Seungkwan goes into a story about Junhui's college days, Junhui goes bright red and whines at him to stop, and Seungkwan coos and pinches his cheek as you watch.
"Seungkwan, I love you but I don't need to know how big Mr. Chen's ass wart is" Seungkwan almost hits the counter as he laughs at Junhui's face morphed into frustration.
"Junnie, spare me something, won't you, bub? I talk to no one except the coffee machine and poor Mrs. Sim for two days straight sometimes" Seungkwan waves him off before turning to you. "Yn, Mrs. Sim never remembers me twice. Do you know I have to introduce myself to her every single time I go to her room?"
"This is why you need some new friends, Kwan" Junhui shoots him a pointed look. "Or you need to get laid. Maybe you're retreating back to your virgin agenda because of how long you've gone without getting some"
You let out a scandalous gasp at this, exaggerating for entertainment. "Seungkwan, that's why you're so cranky"
"I'm cranky because I work twelve-hour shifts at a hospital wiping shit out of at least twenty different asses, people. I don't have the time" He whines as the two of you snicker. "I don't need to get laid, piss off. Work is fucking me in the ass enough for the whole year, get off my back"
Dinner goes like that. Junhui, you and Seungkwan sitting around the kitchen table as they share small talk over the food. Seungkwan is the one who actively keeps the conversation going since both you and Junhui are much on the quieter side. You feel thankful for the way he obviously tries his best to make you feel at home, filling the voids by being his happy self despite the worn out look and dark circles under his eyes. You can't imagine how tired Seungkwan actually is.
It's only once you're done with the food that Junhui sends you a look when his best friend turns to get the desserts. You manage to nod weakly just as he returns loudly.
"Seungkwan," You swallow as Junhui turns to him with a voice that's far more grounded than you've heard. Seungkwan must be used to it because he doesn't spare a glance before he nods. "We have something to tell you"
When Junhui looks at you again, you give him a tight-lipped smile and hope it's encouraging enough to keep him talking. You see the light frown that etches itself onto Seungkwan's eyebrows as he looks between the two of you with clear confusion.
"There's no reason to beat around the bush, so. You know that yn and I..." Junhui sighs heavily, looking at the younger, letting the words complete themselves. "We found out that she's pregnant"
There's a silence that takes over the room. It's not uncomfortable per se. Seungkwan looks like he's letting the words settle in his brain. It takes him more than five seconds to snap back into it before he immediately reaches towards you.
"Oh, yn" You try to stop yourself from trembling as Seungkwan lays a hand between the two of you. He leaves if wutg his palm up. An invitation of comfort. You take his hand and he's quick to lace his fingers with you. "How do you feel?"
"I'm alright. Yeah, I'm okay" You nod, rather to yourself. "It was so surprising but I've processed it all now. I'm okay"
"Good" Seungkwan acknowledges with a soft smile and his thumb swiping against your skin comfortingly. He's staring at you in a way that reminds you of the doctor back at the clinic. Like he sees right through you. But before you can dwell on it further, he's pulling away to grab a washcloth that hangs from the side of the pantry.
"And, you. You, child" Junhui shrieks as Seungkwan flings the cloth at him, repeatedly hitting him square in the face. "How many times have I told you to be careful? To use protection? Do you know how many times, Wen Junhui? All the condoms I stuck in your bag hoping you'd be responsible enough to use them"
Junhui manages to get away from him and runs straight to stand behind you, fingers gripping your shoulder as he uses you to shield himself from Seungkwan and his dirty washcloth attack.
"I swear, yn. This isn't how I raised him, I'm so sorry. I can't believe he'd be so reckless" Seungkwan speaks to you before he looks at Junhui with singlehandrdly yhe firties look you've ever seen. "Do you know how many condoms I stole from the condom vending machime at the clinic? For you, Wen Junhui. All this effort and you turn out to be an irresponsible adult"
"Stop" Junhui whines, holding to you. "Stop hitting me"
"You should scold me just as much, Seungkwan" You chuckle, hands coming up to rest on top of Junhui's. "We were both irresponsible adults"
"In that case" Seungkwan swats you with the cloth way lighter than he had to Junhui before he goes to sit down again, seemingly done with his stressed single mother tantrum.
You half expect Junhui to let go and move to his own seat after everything settles down. But a part of you, part you're wishing to not unpack right now, secretly hopes he would stay right there behind you. Solely because their apartment is cold and the body heat radiating off of Junhui is comforting. That's all. Nothing else.
As if he's read your words, Junhui shifts until his arms are thrown around your shoulders to pull you back against his front, hands clasping over your collar bones. You try not to do something like blush violently while Seungkwam is staring from the other side of the table like he's watching a drama.
"Well, as surprised and disappointed as I am, I'm glad you guys told me" Seungkwan's voice is relatively softer than it had been before. "Have you guys decided what you're going to do?"
Junhui shifts and you look up to see him already staring down at you with a tender smile. You mirror it and wrap your fingers around his arm as you face Seungkwan again.
"Yeah," You're not alone in this. "Yeah we have"
"Can I hug you?" Seungkwan asks when you're stepping out of their place that night, ready to go home.
Seungkwan's hugs feel like you're being smothered by a bear. A very soft and a very fluffy one. He's shorter than Junhui and he doesn't have to bend down to your height to hug you. You can see Junhui leaning against the doorway, watching the two of you with a glint in his eyes like he's close to tears.
"Yn," Seungkwan whispers in your ear, still holding you tight as if you're going to crumble if he doesn't. "Thank you for telling me, bub. I know we only just met and it means a lot to me that you trusted me with this. Junnie means the world to me and now you. I'm going to help you as much as I can, yn. You're not alone in this"
An exact mirror of something you've heard before.
Seungkwan holds you even tighter when you cry on his shoulder. It should be weird considering the two of you didn't know each other's last names till literal hours ago. But Junhui comes to stand behind you, rubs a comforting hand down your back and gives Seungkwan's arm a squeeze and everything is okay. For the first time, you're able to feel your heart settle into a kind of peace that makes you think,
Yeah, you can do this. You're not alone in any kind of way.
You take the first pill on Friday and Junhui holds your hand through it. You try not to choke around it as he brings you into a hug.
"You're okay" He whispers into your hair. "I'm right here"
★ warning
"I'm here, I'm here" Seungkwan chirps as he steps into the house. You can hear the sound of the door closing and then he's quickly shuffling to the living room where you're laying on Junhui's lap. Seungkwan is quick to drop his bags to crouch down in front of you. "Hi, honey. Hi, how are you feeling?"
"Like a fucking bomb exploded in my gut, Seungkwan, I can't do this" You cry through the cramps that are currently shooting through your body.
"That's exactly how it should feel, you're doing great, yn" Seungkwan assures. "Hi, Junnie, how are you feeling?"
"I'm going to cry" Junhui's fingers are trembling where he's running them through your hair. His other is laced with yours over your hip. You're pretty sure he's dislocated something by how hard you're gripping him but Junhui is yet to complain.
"Valid but I'm gonna hit you over the head if you cry right now" Seungkwan mutters but from the corner of your eye, you can see him squeezing Junhui's knee with enough comfort to keep his tears at bay. "Did you take the second pill, yn? Did you guys call the clinic?"
"We did, as soon as the cramps started. The nurse said she should take the second one" Junhui explains as you squirm in his lap. His hands threading through your hair offer a sense of comfort to some extent but right now it's nothing near enough as you feel like your entire body is about to explode into a mass of tissues and intestines. "She took painkillers thirty minutes before taking the misoprostol too"
"Good, great job yn. You too Jun" You're not exactly sure why he's cheering on you when all you've been doing for the past couple of hours is lying on Junhui's lap crying. It's still sweet that Seungkwan is human enough to validate not only yours but everything Junhui's been doing to be there for you "How long has it been?"
"A few hours. Three at tops"
"Okay then, she might start bleeding soon so let's move to the bathroom, yeah" Seungkwan peers into your eye with a soft smile. "Yn, ready to get this over with?"
"I am so fucking ready, god" You groan into Junhui's thigh as the two boys share a fond smile over you.
Junhui manages to get you settled in the bathtub carefully and you shiver at how cold the water is.
Seungkwan doesn't linger inside as much, quickly giving instructions to a Junhui who looks a little like he's going to collapse any second now. Though you trust Seungkwan, both as Junhui's friend and a professional, enough to let him be there through the process, you can't help but selfishly feel settled when you know Junhui is the only one who'd be able to see you at a moment like this. You fondly guess Junhui must be feeling the same if the way he subtly shields you from Seungkwan and doesn't let go of your hand says something. So the two of you settle in the confinement of the bathroom as Seungkwan slips outside with a promise to make some food while he keeps an ear out for you.
"I'm never having sex again" You whine, leaning against the tub.
"Without a condom you mean?" Junhui chuckles as he puts down the toilet seat to sit on top of it, hand still warm around yours from where it sits on the edge of the tub entangled.
"No, Jun. I said what I said"
"Oh no" Junhui throws his head back to exaggerate a whine at that, making you shake your head. "Suddenly my day is ruined. Why would you do this to me?"
The water sloshes around as you shift in your place, trying to get comfortable even as the edge digs into your back and the tile is cold against your skin. Junhui gives you a smile when you make eye contact.
Junhui's smile is so beautiful.
It's not like you're coming to the revelation now, you'd always had a soft spot for his smile. It was what you noticed first about him - a private thing where his whole face would light up and the corners of his mouth curl in an adorable way.
"You look pretty, Jun" You're saying before you can even stop what's coming out of your mouth. You have a front-row seat to see Junhui's face flush immediately as he tries not to sputter.
"I'm sitting on a toilet on the verge of a breakdown" He points out but there's a blush dusted on his ears.
"And you're pretty" It sounds more confident, way more concrete than the first one. "You always look pretty. Take the compliment"
Junhui smiles and takes the compliment with a flaring fluster.
As much as you would have liked to keep talking ( that was NOT flirting ) with him, a searing pain suddenly crashes through your body.
"O-oh my god" Your voice breaks on a gasp as you instinctively curl up on yourself. Your fingers tighten around Junhui's as you clamp down as hard as you can, trying not to scream at the pain that shoots through your body.
"Jun- Jun, oh my god" You can't help when the tears fall, more out of the sheer pain. From the corner of your eyes, you can see Junhui's face morphing into something of pure terror. He quickly moves to sit down on the tile next to the tub, holding onto your hand while he brings the other to lay flat against your back.
"I'm here, yn, I'm here" He's muttering like a mantra, hand running back and forth along your damp skin. "Breath through it, baby. Breath with me"
You let out a scream, not being able to handle the amount of pain coursing through your abdomen. Your hand is gripping Junhui's with such force that you can feel him stiffing up but he doesn't move away from his spot. Junhui sits on his knees to practically hug you while you're still in the water and you can blindly feel the way he's shaking as well.
"Jun," You sob, clinging to him a little tighter as if it's even possible. "It hurts. Hurts s-so much"
"I'm sorry, angel. I'm so sorry" He whispers into your skin. "You can do this, yeah? You have me, you can push through, baby. I'm sorry"
Junhui doesn't let go no matter how hard you scream, pressing his lips to your temple and muttering 'good job, yn' after each and every cramp that overtakes your body.
The sound of your sobs and the water echoes through the bathroom for what feels like an eternity. Seungkwan opens the door at some point, sitting by the entrance close enough to keep an eye out yet far enough to give you the privacy you need.
The water has gone cold when you slump against the edge of the tub at last, your body trembling with just how much energy it had taken out of you. Junhui still doesn't let you go, his arms around you and keeping you as close as possible. That's when you notice he's sobbing into your hair.
"Junnie" Your voice is weak but it's enough to make Junhui snap.
"Do you need something? Do you wanna get out right now?" He's immediately scrambling through his tears, alert. "Water, you need water right? Do you want me to get you a pad and clothes too?"
"Jun" You let him go on his ramble before bringing a hand up to his face. He should be grossed out by the way his skin gets damp by the water but instead, he leans into it like a cat. "Don't cry, I'll cry harder"
Junhui laughs and he's so beautiful. Even as he's crying through it.
You give him a frail smile as he leans forward to press his lips to your forehead before moving to your temple. You lean towards it when he keeps his lips there, skin against skin more intimate than anything the two of you had done before.
"You did it" He whispers into your skin. "Good job, my love. Good fucking job"
★ you made it
Seungkwan leaves with a good amount of advice and a kiss on your cheek. Junhui offers to show him to the door before he locks up, trudging back to the bedroom where you're now all clean and tucked under the covers.
"I'm gonna take a quick shower, is that okay?" He asks, coming to your side and crouching down. He softly runs his palm against your hair and you feel your eyes flutter, completely spent.
"Junnie, no. It's a mess-"
"I'll clean it up" He's quick. "Don't worry about it, okay? You need lots of rest. Seungkwan will kill me if he finds out I even let you speak more than three words"
"Jun-"
"Nope, I'm doing it"
Your protests follow as Junhui skips - yes, skips - the the bathroom. He sends you a wink as he closes the door and you wry out a laugh, shaking your head. You spend the next twenty minutes trying not to move in your place as you listen to the sound of Junhui singing to himself and scrubbing the bathroom floors.
A little smile makes its way to your lips as you let your mind wander over to him. The beautifully crafted creature that is Wen Junhui.
Even as he finally leaves the bathroom dressed in fresh clothes and tentatively joins you under the covers, you can't stop thinking about him. He's right there, threading his fingers through your hair as he tries to lull you into sleep.
Junhui has been nothing but supportive this entire time - from buying your favourite sweets to cleaning out blood clots from the tub - he's been everything. Since you found out about the pregnancy a week ago, Junhui has never once questioned your decisions, simply following your guide.
( "Aren't you upset at me?" You had asked on Wednesday, worn out and vulnerable.
"I would never be upset at you for choosing yourself" came his firm reply. )
"How do you feel?" Junhui's voice is soft as he fiddles with your hair.
"Not exactly better. But I feel lighter. You know what I mean"
"I do" Junhui's so close that you can feel his breath hitting your forehead. If you just turn and take him by the neck —
"You're so strong, you know?" He keeps talking quietly, putting a halt to your thoughts. "I can't imagine how that felt. I can't imagine how you're feeling now. I don't know how anyone goes through something like that without breaking. Everyone is so strong"
His words sound slurred like he's slipping into a sleep and fuck,
You and Junhui might be strangers with two months of history. But something has obviously changed the moment he walked up to your door last Friday at three in the afternoon. If the nicknames, the hand holding and the kisses were anything to go by - you would call it making progress.
And god forbid if you don't do anything about the way a fire burns in your heart, smoke rising in your inside until everything in your heart, and lungs is Junhui, Junhui, Junhui.
"I couldn't have done it without you" Taking the bullet, you turn to him. Junhui's eyes flutter when he realizes just how close you are. "Thank you for everything, Jun. If it wasn't for you- and Seungkwan. I don't think I would've been able to get through that alone. Thank you"
"You have nothing to thank me for" He's a little awake now, voice following with little puffs of air against your skin. "I'll never have let you do this by yourself"
"You like me that much?" You ask coyly, fingers reaching to play with his t-shirt.
"I do" Junhui goes a little silent before he speaks again, still quiet as if there's someone else in the room with you. "I like you a little too much actually"
"Yeah?" You try to pretend as if your heart isn't clawing at your chest but there's a shake to your voice that tells you it's not working. "Well, good. Cause I like you a little too much too"
Junhui keeps his eyes on your face as if he's searching for something. Maybe to see if he can decipher how much you mean the words. Luck for him, you mean it with every bone and muscle and cell in your body. He must have found what he's looking for because he brings his hand to cradle your face. Ever so softly, he traces his fingertips from your forehead to your cheek.
"We should sleep"
"We should"
When Junhui leans in to press his lips to yours, it's more intimate than any kiss you've ever shared before. He holds you by the neck as he deepens it, simple feeling the intensity of it running through both of you like electricity. Your hand twists the front of his t-shirt as he keeps his lips against yours. Not pushing, just resting in comforting silence.
When he finally pulls away, his lips are pulled up into a shy smile. You return your own just as he leans in to press another kiss to your forehead.
"It took me one week" He whispers and you give him a questioning look. "To like you a little too much"
You smile and pat his cheek before he pulls you into his side to drift off to sleep. Cradled against him, hand resting over his heart, you let yourself enjoy the comfort that Junhui never fails to give you.
I might have taken Junhui one week to like you a little too much. But that same week was enough for you to do much more than that.
♡⸝⸝ Jun is a little insane and a little unstoppable when it comes to you. Even if it's eleven in the morning and all the windows are open in your kitchen. Especially when it's eleven in the morning and all the windows are open in your kitchen.
MDNI // 18+
.ᐟ nsfw. minors do not interact please. fluff. established relationship. jun being the hottest boyfriend.
a/n: jun is the silly little gorgeous hot boyfriend that we all need. please leave some feedback and tysm for reading <3
masterlist | taglist
You're putting away the guest plates you took out yesterday back in the pantry when Junhui saunter his way into the kitchen. You briefly turn around and send him a smile as he hops onto the counter, a mischievous glint in his eye and a big grin on his face that makes him look younger than he is.
Without paying attention to the boy behind you, you continue to indulge in the task, now moving on to the glasses lined up on the kitchen counter. You can feel Junhui's eyes watching you pace as he sits, hands folded in his lap and legs kicking back and forth.
He really looks like a little kid, you muse in your head, waiting for his mom to be done with chores to be picked up and coddled for the rest of the day. Watching Jun sit in silence with his giddy eyes following you, you can't help the urge to sneak a fleeting kiss on his cheek when you pass by him on your way to the cupboard on the far corner.
"Hi pretty" You wink at him, flailing at the way his lips immediately pull into a smile that lights up his whole face. "What are you up to?"
Without waiting for an answer, you turn away with the two glasses clutched in your hand, hoping to continue with your chore. But of course, Jun has other plans of his own.
Jun is fast and sharp with his movement, hands snapping into action like lightning. Without letting you walk away, he quickly reaches your waist to pull you back against the counter to stand right between his legs.
"Woah, baby" You try to stay upright on your feet, simultaneously trying not to drop or slam the glasses down on the granite. His sudden movement knocks the wind out of you as you take a movement to steady your frame.
"Jun, be careful" You scold softly, trying to turn away but as expected, Jun's hands around you tighten to keep you in place pressed up against him.
Jun is quick to pry the two glasses out of your hands, carefully leaning away and reaching to put them on the other side of the counter. You watch with amused eyes as he turns back to you with a familiar look in his hooded eyes. His ankles sneakily cross behind your back, heels knocking to the back of your thighs and pushing you against the edge of the counter. And in record time, Jun's hands are gripping the sides of your shirt.
"Jun,"
His mouth is hot when he pulls you into a kiss, not even waiting for you to be done with your words. Jun's hands slither up to hold the sides of your neck as he presses his lips on yours in a searing kiss, lips harsh against yours. Your hands, almost out of pure instinct, come up to the back of his head - one stopping at his nape and one reaching to tangle through the soft strands of his hair.
"Baby...been wanting you" He whispers into your lips, not quite pulling away enough to stop them from brushing against yours. "So bad, yn. So bad"
Without wasting a second or even waiting for a reply, his thumb is lightly pressing down on your lower lip in a silent plea.
When you tilt your head to the side and part your lips, it's a field day for him. Jun's hands tighten around your torso, crumpling up the t-shirt in his fingertips while he sucks at your mouth. His lips are folding around your own in a familiar hug, teeth grazing the delicate skin, and unapologetically biting down.
You hiss at the sharpness but Jun doesn't back away. He keeps kissing you, fingers holding you by the back of your nape as he lets his breath out in feathery sighs. Your hands fall to his thighs bracketing your frame, clenching against his skin. You move your hands back and forth, fingertips grazing his skin from where his ridiculously short shorts have ridden up. Jun's breath hitches as you give an experimental tug, pulling him against you, and making his hand shoot up towards your hair.
He gives a meaningful pull at it, making your head tilt backwards with a sharp intake of breath.
"Baby, please?" Jun is almost whining in your ear, an edge of clear desperation dripping from his voice. It's a tactic of his to coax you into his shenanigans all the time, helplessly whining and groaning in your ear until he's got what he wants. After all, he knows you can never say no to him when he peers at you through his eyelashes with just the right amount of fuck-me eyes and mouth set in a cute pout.
"Fuck, Jun. Right now?" You mutter hastily, feeling conflicted over the fact that it's eleven a.m, definitely not a good time to fuck in the kitchen with all the windows open, and the fact that he's looking at you with the most sultry eyes ever, almost drooling already.
"Please, sweetheart. Let me make you cum. Please?"
And of course, how could you ever turn him down a breathtaking man with brown eyes who's looking at you like you hung the stars for him, begging, whining to let him give you an orgasm? (And a really fucking good one at that)
"Fuck, Junnie. Okay," You groan, not surprised at yourself for losing a game you weren't even trying to win "Fine, baby. Go on"
Like a switch is flipped somewhere in his brain, Jun is pulling you back into him with a sense of urgency, one hand buried in your hair and one inching under your t-shirt. His mouth latches onto the side of your neck, mouthing at the spot just under your ear which he knows has an effect on you.
"You look so pretty" You try not to melt at the way he moans without even being touched "So pretty, my baby. Wanted you since the morning"
When Jun pulls back, mouth parted and hair dishevelled, an involuntary whine leaves your mouth. There are rays of sunlight that filter through your kitchen drapes and fall on him, making him look like a dream right there in front of you.
Jun hops off the counter before he slips behind you, skillfully trapping you against his frame and the granite as he plasters himself onto your back. His mouth is immediately on your shoulder, hands coming up to caress the skin of your arms as he nibbles on your skin. You try not to shudder and fail when he softly drags his fingertips along your arms.
You register the feeling of Jun's right hand skimming down your front as the other inches past the material of your t-shirt. His fingertips are cold against your skin, making you sigh and drop your head forward at the contact. Jun's mouth skillfully works at your skin, cat-like teeth sinking into you a little too hard and making your fingers curl against the counter.
You try not to cry about how he works a little slower than you prefer, taking forever to hook his fingers to the band of your shorts. His mouth is hot and languid on your neck, pressing feverish kisses, kitten-licking every patch of skin available at an agonizing pace.
For someone who was almost tearing up out of neediness, he seems to be taking a god-awful time with his actions.
"Jun, please- just, hurry up. Hurry up, Please." You have no time to be embarrassed about how pathetic you sound.
When Jun grinds into you from behind, it has you doubling over the counter, eyes clenching in bliss. It's almost scary how a single press of his hips against yours has your mouth dropping and knees buckling under you. You can clearly feel the way he's straining against his shorts, slotting himself against your back like he was made to fit into your frame.
You have never been loud during sex - Jun prides himself in being the vocal one out of the two of you. But when he's taking a little too much time sparing no attention to where you need him the most, you can't help but let a low whine slip past your lips.
"I'm sorry, baby" He mumbled with his lips shaped to a pout. "'M sorry, I got you. I got you, sweetheart"
And get you, he did.
Once Jun's hand slips past the band of your shorts, he lets it rest against your pelvic bone much to your frustration. His other hand is reaching up to hold you by your jaw as he turns your head to plant his lips on yours. The kiss is hot - open-mouthed, messy with teeth clanking together and lips glistening in spit.
And when Jun finally lets his middle finger dip between your folds under your underwear, you keen. He sighs and lets his hips grind into yours as he runs his finger along your slit, slick with your arousal.
"So wet for me" Jun's clearly the better dirty talker out of you. "You're so good to me. It drives me insane, baby. Insane."
You shudder as he continues to move his finger back and forth, blatantly ignoring your entrance and your bundle of nerves that tells you he isn't done being a menace for the day. In a fleeting moment, the pad of his middle finger is dipping inside, ripping a heavy sigh out of you. Jun's other hand tightens around you instinctively as you lean forward, holding you tight to his front.
"Wanna take my time with you" He mumbles in your ear, his fingers gone and returning to moving against your folds as quick as they came.
"Jun, don't-"
"Don't what, angel?" You can almost see the goddamn smirk painted on his lips. Maybe his eyebrows are even pulled up in mockery. This fucker. "Don't touch you? I don't think you want that"
"No, no, no. God," You whine out of frustration "Jun, no. Just- fuck"
Your thoughts come to a screeching halt as Jun dips his finger inside your entrance, this time reaching up to his knuckle in one stroke. He holds you flush against his chest, trying to keep your frame upright as your fingers clench on the edge of the granite.
His finger stills inside of you before he pulls out a little, immediately pushing it back inside, making you tremble.
"Such a good girl for me, aren't you sweetheart?" He sighs. "Always so good"
Another digit prods at your entrance, slipping right beside the first one as Jun pushes them in. The drag of his callused fingers against your walls is guttural, making your head fill with a sensation of pure static and nothing else. His fingers keep pushing into you in a rhythm, two at a time before he's crooking them at an angle, trying to find the spot that would make you wither against him. And when he finally does, he lets his fingers grind into the soft spot without a second thought, making a literal course of electricity run through your body.
"Fuck" Your voice breaks on a swear as Jun holds you up from face planting into the counter, arm tight around you and hips caging yours. He doesn't slow down his pace than it already is, continuing to make you flail in his hold.
"Feel good?" You try your best to muster up a nod as he mutters hotly in your ear.
The more Jun continues to plunge his fingers into you, the louder the sounds that echo through the room. With every push of his fingers against your walls, there's a pornographic sound of squelching. Something that had always turned you on was just the pure noises that came with sex- whether it's Jun muttering the filthiest words known to man in your ear like it was second nature, the sound of wetness as he works on opening you up or the sound of skin against skin as he feverishly pushed his hips into yours - it had always given you a rush of arousal more than anything. And Jun was no stranger to your little liking. So you guess he knows exactly what he's doing when he continues to whisper in your ear.
"You hear that, baby? That's how much you wanted me, no?" He muses. "Is that it?"
You struggle in his hold, twisting and turning as if you want to get away when actually you want nothing more than to curl up into him a little more. After dragging his fingers against your walls for the nth time, Jun slows down as he presses his lips to your cheek.
"Hold yourself up for me, sweet" He mumbles, followed by a soft press of lips to your temple "Hold tight. I'm gonna let go, okay?"
And as soon as he's deemed you're not going to topple over into the granite, holding yourself up against it with steady hands instead, his other arm immediately slips away and into your shorts. And,
"O-oh my god, Jun-"
You almost whimper at the feel of cold fingertips against your clit, in contrast to your skin that is burning with want, want, want. And Jun, being the menace he is, circles his fingers at an upsetting slow pace. If there was anything that brought you closer to an orgasm than Jun's fingers, it was Jun's fingers on your clit and this was a very well known fact to him.
You let your mouth drop, a shuddering moan slipping past your lips. The rare sound of you voicing your pleasure only seems to only fuel Jun more, speeding up his fingers and frantically letting his fingertips rub against your skin.
"There we go, angel. There we go" He sighs in your ear, words slurred. "My perfect girl"
The sound of your arousal is louder as Jun works both of his hands. One hand knuckles deep in you and the other rubbing against your clit at a perfect speed. He pants in your ear, hips unapologetically pushing against your back from behind as if he's physically unable to contain himself. Your arms give you underneath you and you catch yourself with your forearms on your counter as you feel yourself nearing the edge.
"Are you close, baby? I've got you, okay? Let me know"
You cry out at the pleasure that's shooting up your body, dropping your head forward. Your hair is sticking to your damp neck, wet from where there's a sheen of sweat on your skin.
You hear him groan behind you, trying to keep up with thrusting his fingers inside of you with an even louder sound of arousal as your walls tighten around his fingers. The noises around you - his fingers inside you, the deep sighs that fall from your mouth, and the way Jun cries into your neck - are lewd, downright filth. And god it's so hot.
"You're close, aren't you?" He pants. "Give it to me, baby. I've got you. I love you, sweetheart. I love you"
You feel the familiar pool of bliss settle deep in your gut, burning and itching to be released as Jun continues to work on you. Your eyes are closed and your mouth drops in a silent cry from all the stimulation but you hold yourself back a little more, wanting to linger on the edge a little bit more.
But of course, your boyfriend is hellbent on bringing you to the brink of pleasure with the hopes of tipping you over. The need to tease you and dangle your orgasm over your head is long gone. So when he grounds his fingers into you and circles your clit for a last time, you let your toes curl and clamp down on his fingers.
"Jun, Jun, Jun" You cry out, hand coming to hold his forearm against your front. "Fuck, oh, f-fuck-"
Jun doesn't stop as your release washes over you, pressing even closer to you as you ride out your orgasm. You throw your head back, curling against him as he presses his lips to your temple. He continues to move, opting to fuck your orgasm out of you and keeping his fingers on you until you have to physically pry him away.
Even as you come down from your high, he doesn't let you go. Crowding you against the counter, he brings up a hand to turn his head towards you. Holding your jaw tight, he presses his lips into yours before you can even take a breath that's slipping from you. He pulls away with hooded eyes, ragged breathing matching yours and voice coming out in a low rasp as he suggests,
♡⸝⸝ when jun's voice comes out in a mess of sharp words and harsh comments, you know there's something more to it than the underlying frustration
.ᐟ angst. hurt/comfort. mention of anxiety. mention of panic attacks. unsafe driving.
a/n - i'm so sorry i keep writing sad boy jun ( i can't help it he's so :(( ) please leave some feedback, I appreciate it so much! ALSO, SHOULD I WRITE A PART II FOR THIS?
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Six missed calls.
That's the number of times you picked up your phone, pressed on Junhui's contact and put the phone up to your ear - waiting, hoping you'll finally hear his voice answer from the other side. You haven't been lucky yet. All your calls go straight to the voice messages before the line goes silent with a beep.
You stare at your phone, Junhui's contact staring right back at you in silence. Something heavy settles in your stomach in the form of dread.
Jun has a habit - a very unwholesome habit of abandoning his phone, cutting off contact with almost everyone and going radio silent whenever his life gets a little too wild. Over the time he had done it, you recognized it to be a form of escape for Jun. It was his way of a silent cry when things got too tense in his head.
It had been long since you adjusted to the rapid pace of Junhui's life. It was rough at first, trying to decipher how he could still hold his head up when his days consisted of a tiring routine of practice, rehearsals, schedules and all kinds of busyness. And in the midst of it all, Jun has never been the one to seek out whenever his emotions took the best of him. He would rather turn his back on everyone, and hide himself in a shell till he was discovered. It hadn't been easy for you to adapt to his life and his habits completely without constantly worrying about Junhui and his well-being. And Junhui got it.
It wasn't hard for him to understand where you came from. You practically carved out his heart from his chest and carried it in your palm after all. He decoded how it was valid for you to be concerned whenever his emotions soared and got too lost in his head. So, he had always made sure to warn you beforehand.
The last two weeks have been busy for both of you. The comeback was nearing the group at a rapid pace, and their days were packed from dawn to dusk with all kinds of preparations ahead. Jun was stressed - all of them were. A mix of anticipation and excitement runs through their veins in adrenaline whenever there's a comeback around the corner, and this time, you know that it isn't any different.
You had been busy as well, stuck to the neck under a pile of workload on top of you.
But still, you managed to squeeze a visit to Jun's during a rare off in the afternoon four days ago. You showed up at his place with a bag of take-out, hoping to forget all about your work stress and spend some time together.
Jun welcomed you with a tight hug and multiple presses of his lips against yours, equally as delighted for the chance to take a break and just sit on his living room carpet with his head tucked into your neck. At first, you thought he hugged you a little tighter than usual and his eyes were darker than most days. But as time passed, he had looked relaxed, with no signs of any distress on his mind.
Jun hadn't said anything about the lack of contact you're being subjected to right now.
Being a foreigner to the life Junhui has been accustomed to since a very young age, you never felt like you were in the place to counsel him. Though Junhui has never made you feel like you were any less than he was, it felt wrong to try and take away his forms of escape, even though it wasn't a very healthy way of doing so.
And truthfully, if you thought about it, you've never really had to. He had never given you a reason to worry to that much of an extent about him. It never actually reached a point where you've had to wait through six missed calls and a heart beating rapidly against your chest in unease.
Until, of course, right now.
You can't help the heavy feeling that sits low in your gut at how you haven't heard from your boyfriend in almost four days. At first, you concluded he was just busy, too tired to check his phone after returning from being in practice all day. By the third day, you assumed he must be feeling down, drained out of all his emotional and physical energy. Just enough for him to ignore all six of the good morning and good night texts you've sent to him for the past three days.
But today, your heart was really beating in anxiety. All kinds of thoughts from 'Is he okay?' to 'I need to get to him' whirring around every corner of his mind.
Deciding to just say fuck it and go for it, you press on his contact for the seventh time that day, watching the phone flash with another call to Jun. It's almost the time you have to sign off from work, so you start packing up your bag as the phone sits on your desk, still ringing.
A pause - and the room is drowned in silence.
"yn"
You almost drop the papers that you hold in your hands when Junhui's voice echoes through the speaker. Quickly putting them down by your bag, you scramble towards the phone before clutching it close to your ear. You almost feel the way your blood warms up a little after having turned to icy water a little while ago.
"Jun? oh gosh, I was s-"
"You called me seven times, yn"
It's the tone of his voice that has you halting in your step. A blunt sentence, very much spoken with a hint of bite and irritation. And the first thought that comes to your head is - something's not right
There had been only a handful of instances when Jun and you got into arguments that directed to sharp words being thrown at each other. Junhui is a very delicate person who's equally as competent, preferring to sit down and talk any disputes out and sort them out instead of picking a fight.
You're someone who hated conflict, willing to settle everything down through a talk before maybe moving on to a heavier argument. Junhui, even more so than you, never uses such a snappy tone to talk to anyone no matter how upset he is. Especially, to you.
"Yeah, yeah I did" You start explaining yourself in a staggered voice. "You weren't replying to me, Jun. I was just-"
"Yn, god. I was busy, okay? Fuck, You know that" That's the moment your suspicions are undirectly confirmed to be true.
The feeling that - something's really wrong - settles deep in your heart.
If there was something two years of loving had engraved into your bones, it's the fact that Jun and you knew each other like the back of your hands. From the way you remembered Jun's order from the nearby Thai place to the way Jun knew the look you gave him whenever you were hungry - knowing each other inside and out was something you took pride in. Almost everyone close to the both of you saw how well you could read each other without even a word being said. Your friends publicly envied the two of you for the way you understood the other with just a flick of a finger or a blink of an eye.
So it isn't hard for you to immediately pick up on the unfamiliar lilt of his voice. His words thrash against each other like it does whenever he's frustrated, annoyance seeping out of every syllable he speaks. From the other side of the phone, you're already grabbing your bag and throwing it over your shoulder as you listen to him continue to snarl at you.
"Jun" You try to intervene yet Jun successfully manages to speak right over you, voice still harsh as ever.
"What I'm saying is, you don't have to blow up my fucking phone, yn, god"
"Junnie" You almost plead into the phone, heading out of your workplace with your steps quickly. "I was just scared, okay? I tried to reach out but you wouldn't reply to me. I was so worried, Jun. I even called Minghao to-"
"Yn, what the fuck?" You're stunned into silence as you listen to the words Jun spat. "Why did you- wait, why did you call Minghao? God, yn, what the actual- shit, why are you so pressed at all? It's not like I fucking fell off the face of the earth"
Phone pressed to the ear, fingers gripping the straps of your bag, you stood. Your car was parked only a couple of meters away, almost in your peripheral vision. Yet, you were unable to take another step forward at all - too shocked to even move.
"Jun, don't-"
"I was just busy. You know how it is these days. Just because I don't answer once or twice doesn't mean I'm dead, yn You don't have to blow up my fucking phone. Do you kn-"
"Wen Junhui"
And immediately the boy on the other side is silent. The only thing you hear for a couple of seconds is the familiar sound of his breathing, heavy and ragged like it is whenever he's worked up.
"You're asking me why I'm so pressed, Junhui?" You take a deep breath as you start, eyes closing for a second to regain your composure. "You went silent on me for four days - four days, Jun. I was so fucking scared, do you know how hard it was to not drop everything all at once and come to you? I assumed you were busy or you needed space. So I gave you space."
"I know you, Jun. I know when you're spiralling and trying to distance yourself from everyone. I was so- Fuck, Jun. I love you. I love you so much, it hurts me when I know you're not okay. I want nothing more than to help you but you make it so hard for me to take care of you sometimes. So please, stop screaming at me for caring too much, Jun. I'm sorry- I'm sorry for bothering you but I refuse to stay silent and just watch you breaking by yourself"
You're slamming your car door when you finish. The line is silent in your phone, everything seemingly still around both of you. But it only takes three seconds for it to be broken by Jun, a harsh sob ripping out of his throat loud against your ear. In an instant, the engine of your car revives to life while your mind screams jun, jun, jun.
"yn"
"I'm coming to you, darling. Hold on a little for me, okay?" Jun stays on the phone as you almost soar along the roads, paying very little mind to traffic signals and probably breaking almost every driving rule. His voice comes from the phone in sobs, sounding so so broken it makes you want to jump out of the car yourself. As you glide down the road, you can just be thankful for the way you've trusted your gut and believed he wasn't doing okay as soon as he started talking earlier.
"Yn, come, please- please, yn. I ne- I need you. I feel so bad. I've been feeling bad and- just, come, please"
Your heart soared at his voice, pleading with just enough tears to have you speeding down the drive to his place.
"I'm on my way, sweetheart. I'm on my way. I love you so much, Jun. God, I love you"
Knowing Jun so well came with the practice of recognizing his moods. Aside from being a ball of sunshine most of the time, there have been more than enough times when he had delved into long periods of anxiety, spiralling and spiralling until he was nothing but a sobbing mess of emotions by the end of the night. You've experienced your fair share of Jun panicking, eyes welled up with tears and voice stammering as he screamed at you to leave him alone. Experiencing someone having a panic attack in front of you was alarming enough on its own. But whenever it took ahold of Jun- your sweet little lifeline- it broke you in so many than one.
After having held him through multiple, whispering love in his ears until he calmed down in your alms - you were quite accustomed to what you needed to do whenever he was panicking. So, as much as your heart was beating in dread, eyes welling up with your own tears and hands clammy against the steering wheel, you made it your mission to get to Jun as soon as possible.
The thought of Jun being by himself for the last few days made you want to scream - if only he had told you, you could've stayed close to him. You couldn't help but wince at the thought of Jun having no one to take care of him and you being unaware of how much he had needed some company, some help and some love.
Right now, as you step on the accelerator, there's only one thing on your mind. Junhui. You need to get to him and you need to get to him fast before he dives too deep headfirst into a pit of anxiety. Now that you know he was shutting himself out from the world, distancing himself from you for days and snapping at you since he was stuck in a state of haziness, you want nothing more than to scoop him into your arms as soon as possible.
Junhui is your love, your life, your everything. And you would rather slit your throat, bury yourself alive, walk through the fiery pits of hell and do it all again in a heartbeat if it meant the universe became kinder to him. Only the deepest edges of your heart know how you're willing to move any mountains and drain every ocean if it meant Junhui's pain would be taken away.
But for now, it's enough if you stick to six missed calls and thirty broken road rules.
