- Em

Well, after all those past evils, I spent a few months rotting in a cell, got talked out of letting myself be overwritten (or at the very least mixed with) an arguably better version of myself, and ended up going to space to actually try to do some good (despite not being good). And then, of course, I got double-kidnapped and got pulled right back into everything that had to do with those past evils. So overall, I'm doing absolutely fine. (That was sarcastic, by the way).

It’s not that simple. I can’t just--

Look at what Mels has already said about me. About how what I. Me. Did to her ended up screwing up her life. Even the things that I wasn’t there for-- they only got so bad because of what I put her through. Between the two of us, she’s the one that deserves to live. She’s ‘Mels’ because she’s the one that deserves love. I don’t, because I’m the one that tried to take that away from her. What's too much or too little of a punishment for something like that?

It was my selfish, impulsive actions that caused Mels that suffering. So I decided to give up con-- give up power over myself. I hold myself back from acting out, and I do what I'm told. I focus on helping other people with the Marvel Corps, spend every waking moment focusing on that goal, because what I want shouldn't matter-- because I'm scared that what I want will eventually lead me back into who I used to be, and everything that happened to me will happen again, and I'll deserve it again. Because I will, probably. And even if it did matter... I don't think I know what I would want for myself anymore. I've sort of just... stopped thinking about myself, most of the time. Or at least... trying to.

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Redline spoke again after a minute, her voice growing quieter: "I deserve this, don't I? This suffering?"

"Yes," Specs said. "It'd be an insult to Crimson if I said anything else after all you've put her through. And the only way for you to stop deserving for terrible things to happen to you is by pulling your head out of your ass and trying to think about people other than yourself."

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...I'm sorry. I know you're trying to help me. I know you probably feel sorry for me (you shouldn't). Maybe there's some truth in what you've said. But I just... I don't know.

Mission is still going… alright? But there’s starting to be a bit of clashing between us in the Cluster and some of the other selves we’ve been trying to work with.

But. That’s not why I think I need to stop.

Everything with Cardinal… it’s bothering me, obviously. And it’s going to keep bothering me until we reach whatever end this mission is headed towards, for better or worse. I think I’ve made that much clear. But at the same time, I’ve spent the past two days venting about my own problems, and… I dunno. I guess I think I’m starting to put too much of my baggage onto people that aren’t here right now, or have bigger things in their own dimension to worry about.

Don’t get me wrong— I’m not trying to cut myself off by doing this. I’ve got a good group from the Cluster with me, and they’ve been helping plenty so far. But I think I’ve said my piece about her, and even that’s only made me get more worked up when I’m trying to stay as level-headed as I can be (and I have… not really been successful in that regard, especially when Cardinal is involved).

After sleeping on it, now I’m wondering... why is she even here? I mean, she obviously hasn’t come after me at any point since then. And I know Specs went to see her once or twice, a while after things went down. But other than that... I don’t know?