#error404life

I've been talking about falling in love like it's gravity

Talking about walking with you like you won't abandon me

I've preached your name like a sermon i know by heart

Gave you away in pieces, let strangers take me apart

I've poured you into hands that were already halfway gone

Called it devotion, called it hope, called it "holding on"

They left with their pockets full, said i was too much to keep

And still somehow i overflow while pretending to be ampty

I cried for you, lied for you, bent till i almost broke

Nearly drowned in the smoke of brigdes i let you choke

I almost died trying to prove i could love enough

Like pain was the price, like survival was optional love

And you....

You were never missing, never far from my skin

You were spilling out of me, asking why i don't pour you in

You said, 'why do you beg when you're already full?'

'Why do you starve one cup just to keep others cool'

I had two hands, two cups, one cracked, one dry

And i kept feeding the one that was never mine

I could've filled myself, let the ache finally rest

But i chose generosity dressed up as self neglect

Because loving others feels nobble, feels clean, feels right

And loving myself feels like picking a fight

So i pretend I'm empty, i play the role well

Even when love keeps whispering, 'you're already full, you can tell'

I've been talking about love like it's something i chase

When it's been breathing through me, wearing my face

And maybe one day I'll listen, maybe I'll finally start

I searched the mirror for signs of me

But all i saw was static and a plea

An echoe whispering where i used to be

Now I'll forever long to be free

I built these cages that now trap me

And facing the past is my only key

The silence speaks louder than any sound

A missing file i never found

Scrolling through memories that only confound

Can't look back without getting stuck

At this point i don't even believe in luck

Every step forward feels like a loop

Hope hangs loose like a dying truth

I type for help but there's no support group

I have a lot to regret

Can't believe i used to say i wanna do it again

Thought it would be best to reset

But the resets button's broken, jammed with fear

My echoes louder than what i hear

Every mistake carved deep, crystal clear

Everything flowing back with every falling tear

Funny how trauma's the only thing you can't share

It lingers in silence, heavy in air

A quiet storm no one thinks is there

Smiling outside, but inside beware

Can't even handle myself with softness and care

Does it make it fair if everyone thinks it's not

I carry my silence like a weightless flare

Burning out slowly, unnoticed and bare

Yet all they see is someone who's always there

Then they call me loving and rare

If only they knew, i felt my death to be near

I kept smiling through the ache and the fear

Still standing in the ruins i built year by year

No one's there for me, they've made that very clear

Now i sit here looking back and grieve

Thinking of a past i never got to live

I held on to hope like a thread that could give

Tied to a version of me that still wanted to believe

This entertainment we call a screen

Is nothing but an addiction we pretend is unseen

It feeds on our silence, our dopamine dreams

Keeps us numb, scrolling through lives we'll never live between

Little fake reality draws you too deep

Now more than fantasy, it follows you to sleep

Your mind stays wired, scrolling just to feel

Chasing borrowed lives to forget what's real

Now you don't know how to act, how to live

You trade your real breath for pixels you believe

Your hands still scroll, but your heart can't receive

You almost lose your mind when the internet is out of reach

LOOK AT YOURSELF, n̷o̷w̷ y̷o̷u̷'r̷e̷ b̷e̷c̷o̷m̷i̷n̷g̷ t̷h̷e̷ g̷l̷i̷t̷c̷h̷

Power off feels like falling through space

Logged out of yourself, buffering in place

You're slowly losing parts of your brain

Darling, pixels shouldn't be able to drive you insane

Your thoughts get laggy, chained to the pane

Touch some grass, feel rain, remember being mundane

Take a breath, maybe step outside

Remind reality it doesn't have to hide

Feel the sun hit skin, feel time slow down

The world's still breathing, don't let it drown

Don't just walk, listen and run

This is nothing but danger, chaos painted as fun

Your eyes are open, but you're not awake

Scrolling through lives you'll never take

Please.....just hear my plea

I'm thankful you always gave me a hand to hold

I'm thankful you showed me there could be beauty in living in a cruel world

I'm thankful that you always choose to stay

I'm thankful you stop me when i try to push you away

I'm thankful you're always here to wipe the tears from my eyes

I'm thankful you notice and listen to my silent cries

I'm thankful you comfort me even when i hurt you

I'm thankful that you actually want to work on me and you

I'm thankful you loved me when i couldn't love myself

I'm thankful you loved me till i learned to love myself

I'm thankful you were there when i cried knowing I'd leave

I'm thankful for that part of you that still wanted to believe

I'm sorry in advance, I've never been loved like this

So I'm thankful you call me friend even though sometimes i hiss

I'm thankful and I'm sorry that you always understand

But atleast with you, i don't have to pretend

You're the only one that knows me well so please just say

Why do i always push love away

Let's sit under the tree, i want us to talk

I hate memory lane, but i think it's time i took a walk

I beg for others but in struggles there's only ever just us two

Forever’s not long enough

Even eternal has an end

A beginning we don’t want

But when it’s time to let go, even sadness can’t pretend

That it didn’t stay too long,

Sleep in our ribs, learn our names

That loss isn’t leaving all at once

It’s leaving in echoes, in habits, in quiet flames

Empty shouldn’t hurt

It should be hollow, numb

Quiet shouldn’t feel like a lot

But it screams anyway

Loud with everything you didn’t say

With doors that never slammed

Just stayed open long enough to rot

Silence isn’t peace

It’s a room that remembers you

Every breath echoes back wrong

Like even the air knows something’s gone

Talking doesn’t fix anything

But the sane don’t get that

Since “open up” is all they sing

While we swallow words like pills

Hoping for relief that never comes

Their voices are windows

We can’t open, only stare through

And the quiet in our chest

Is louder than any sermon

They romanticize bleeding

Till they see your face turn blue

Panic ’cause that’s not in script

Not in their delusional point of view

They preach the storm like poetry

But forget the storm destroys the tree

Watch you cry and call it a glow

“I’ve been there” as if they’ve ever died

Little sadist watching you like a kids show

Tossing clichés like confetti in your pain

Smiling at your chaos, counting it like gain

Give advice but they’ve never had to heal

Never known that you have to cut something off

To finally be able to feel

They hand you maps to lands they’ve never walked

Point at wounds, then vanish when you talk

Wonder why you cry, why you even scream

Why you call it a lucid nightmare

When the saying goes “I hope it’s just a dream”

But dreams don’t warn you, don’t wait their turn

They scorch your chest, let the ashes burn

Introduce you to a man in black who doesn’t even want you

A man that says "death is too much of a reward

For what i want you to go through"

So he leaves you breathing on purpose

Counting seconds like sins

A living sentence, no release