#eris rambling

i really do wish it were easier to turn my brain off. some of my best work has only come when i stopped thinking about it—it's beautiful, looking back at it. the difference between wanting to create Something and wanting to Create something can be so stark, and though i want my writing to have purpose, at the same time, i wish that those restraints of that Something needing to be something Good were easier to escape. if my words are the wind, they've been rushing past me far too quickly to grasp, as of late—or so faint i can hardly hear the softest whistle in the trees, not nearly enough to make out from where i've landed. i want to fly on the breeze again, but the world is so heavy, so intent on keeping me trapped on the ground. it feels like all i can do is jump, flailing around for the scarcest of sentences before i hit the ground even harder. i long for the lightness i once knew how to harness no matter how many weights were dragging along beside me—it seems like all i know now is how to try to sleep away the ache of what once was. it's endlessly tiring, trying to fight against it, but i hope for a strong gust to catch me nevertheless. the sky is too bright to let myself be tethered to the earth forever.

listen all i'm saying is. everyone should have at least one artist that gets them to Respond. it doesn't have to be directly. it doesn't have to be positively or negatively. it doesn't have to be good. but at least One Person whose work makes you want to Create. it is so so so important

skin and tommy lefroy's worst case kid are the same song with different endings. no i will not elaborate

the perpetual ache of taking too long to decide

on the one hand. entangled, unwound could have only ever been exactly what it is, finished when it was. it would not have existed otherwise. on the other hand it is so aggravatingly anticlimactic that after so long That was the first time yeosang appeared in any of my fics and it was with a whole. one line. especially considering what's up next. cursing my inability to write faster more than anything else i swear i can write about other characters it's coming soon

the thing is like. all my works are character studies. everything is about the characters and how they interact and plot is a second thought if that. the plot exists to serve the characters it goes where they please. i know what character studies are like to write. However. This Thing. this fic and its follow-up are the studiest characters to ever study and i fear they will be the death of me. i fucking adore them. far too much. good thing this series is already about unhealthy obsession i suppose