nothing more than a sacrifice for his Father’s love?
ever woke with a start from a dream that felt far too real
of being dragged through the streets by soldiers
left to hang while his mother wept?
the only father he’d ever known
if he had to die to be loved by him
and Joseph held him close as he wept
you will always be my son?
ever ran from his home in a fit of anger at Mary or Joseph or his siblings or the world
thinking on the unfairness of it all
a place that filled him with dread and peace in equal measure
for he knew something in there
wanted him set on fire to keep others warm?
his Father that he had never met
and Mary overheard his pleas for an answer
God’s greatest sacrifice?
an adult but still so young
begged screamed asked his disciples
but as the son of Mary and Joseph
older still but young enough
ever looked at the world with shining eyes
cataloging everything he could see
because he knew deep down he could not see it all
he knew in his bones he was not born for pretty things
he was not raised to cuddle with young children
he was an everlasting lamb
young but feeling old old old
wept when he was dragged through the streets
reminiscent of his dreams as a six year old
realising they were never dreams but prophecy?
do you think he begged his Father for love and mercy one last time as they nailed him to the cross?
do you think he looked at Mary and Joseph
and wished all he could do
was be six years old again
climbing into their bed after a nightmare
heavy in his bones in a way he could never put into words?
dead alive? dead alive dead alive
woke with a start in a cave
praying it was a nightmare
only to look down at his hands
only to press his fingers to his pulse
do you think Jesus knew he was raised
nothing more than a sacrifice for his Father’s love
setting himself on fire to keep the rest of God’s children warm?
do you think he ever forgave Him?
