#erenyeager

Kick,

Because of you, you wanted to say. Your best friend was hurt because of you, and there was no way you could help him.

Kick, kick, kick,

" Stop kicking and listen to me," Mikasa demanded as she stepped in front of you.

You let out a weak chuckle as you stood from your stance. Her eyes were fixed onto you, but you kept your own on the wall behind her.

" You can't even look me in the eye," she spoke solemnly. 

You lazily lifted your gaze to meet hers.

" Why are you avoiding Eren?" She demanded again. " Is it about what we learned? Armin and Eren's time? If so, Y/N we should be spending our time left with them together."

You inhaled a deep breath.

" But it can't be that," Mikasa pressed. " because you're talking to Armin. It's Eren you've been ignoring. Why is that?"

You looked to Mikasa again. Your eyes showing just how vulnerable and emotional you felt about everything. About the time, about the losses, the betrayal, and the truth—entirely.

This entire time you've been living a lie. You and Armin started a dream, exclusive to the two of you, of seeing the outside world together. Exploring the oceans and the fiery land, seeing the green lights in the sky that his books spoke of. You wanted to get outside the walls, become a scout, and when you introduced Armin to a boy you met named Eren, you knew that the your dream to see everything will come true. Because this boy you met at your mothers bakery was exactly like you.

He wanted to be a scout. He wanted to see outside. He wanted to escape the cage that trapped you all in. He wanted freedom.

Eren Jaeger was the other half of yourself that you never knew was missing.

When he was angry, you were angry. When you smiled, he smiled. When you decided to fight to find Mikasa in that cabin amongst the haunting trees in the dark of night, he fought with you.

You and Eren Jaeger were twin flames.

Twin flames aren't supposed to fall in love.

And everyone knows that you and Eren are in a constant battle of who can burn brighter, hotter, never thinking to be extinguished. So how could it possibly work? Your flames weren't meant to merge. But you should've thought of that before you decided to sleep with him.

" I haven't been avoiding him," you denied. " I've been keeping to myself. We all have."

" Don't lie to me."

You sighed. Feeling the weight of anchored emotions bare onto you in that very moment.

You hated liars. You hated being lied to, ignored, yet here you were doing it so quickly to other people. People you love.

This is why it would never work, you thought.

" I was confused," you started softly. " I felt betrayed, lost, insecure, and I needed to take my mind off of all of it."

In that moment, you felt more like what you were—a teenage girl. And Mikasa looked at you with the eyes of a friend willing to talk about boys with you all night. You both, in this moment, were teenage girls.

" — And Eren was there," you laughed pathetically. " as always. He was right there, and he was looking at me. Like he could see through me. And I saw him. And it felt like we could see through each other. And then everything happened, and now I've realized that I don't want us to be like that. I'm not good, Mikasa. Not in that way. I'm not meant for romance."

Mikasa was silent for a moment. Her gaze also falling, which only prompted your eyes to water.

" I can't love people like that Mikasa," you continued. " you know that. Everyone knows that. I like my own company too much, and I'm a puzzle that even I can't figure out. I can't punish Eren, no matter how much I love him, to loving me. To spending the next few years of his life, loving me. Not in that way—I can't."

You wiped your eyes with your forearm hastily. Feeling your heart clench at the bitter truth that  your Eren, if you can even call him yours, will be dead by 22.

" But you love him," Mikasa whispered.

You shook your head pathetically. Not denying what was clearly the truth, but more so pitying yourself for it.

" everyone deserves love." She finished, lifting her head to look at you.

" If you know you're a shit person in that department, than why punish someone like that?" You questioned immediately. " I'm hard to love."

Mikasa flinched, " You're not!"

With a sigh you lowered yourself to the grounds level. Taking a seat on the floor as you drew your knees into yourself.

Mikasa was quick to join you. Her shoulders touching yours as you both settled your gaze onto the wall.

" I didn't know you felt this way about yourself." She mumbled, almost sounding guilty.

" I didn't either."

Your response solidified that there was no convincing you. Years of confusion, trauma, and self affirmations had led you to this place of no return.

Mikasa turned to look at you, and you could swear, despite your blurry vision, that there was tears in her eyes. " You should say this to Eren,"

" He's not you," you shook your head. " he'll talk me out of it. Swear that I'm good. That we have a chance. And when he realizes we don't, I can't stand to see the look on his face."

" Well he deserves something." Mikasa quickly rebutted. " You guys slept together and then you started to avoid him. Do you know what that looks like?"

" I know," you whispered shamefully.

" Do you know what that must feel like?" Mikasa questioned, much more firm. " From you, of all people."

Your hands wrapped around yourself tighter.

" I know,"

A gentle hand was placed onto your shoulder.

" I care about you. So much. And it hurts to hear that you think this way about yourself, and what hurts more is that there's nothing I can say to change your mind."

" But Eren can. He will. Because he loves you. And no matter what he says, it won't be coming from a romantic perspective that only benefits him."

You raised your head to look at Mikasa. Your face covered with pathetic tears.

" Don't break both of your hearts," Mikasa gently spoke. " you're allowed to fall in love"

~~~~~~~~~•~~~~~~~~~

Lots of thing have changed around the survey corps.

With you and your friends now being teenage veterans, and such a small group as well, the responsibilities have expanded. It was now no longer a punishment to clean the stables, but rather a chore that everyone had to take turns doing. Cleaning up the mess hall after dinner was no longer left to workers or a select few of individuals, but something everyone did as a group. Armin gathered the dishes, Sasha cleaned the tables, Mikasa swept, Jean mopped, you washed the dishes, Eren dried them, and Connie put them away.

Cooking was a chore that you all had to learn by experience, to leave to certain individuals. Not everyone could cook.

So here you were, skipping dinner to go for a run —really to gather your head on what to say to your best friend— after your conversation with Mikasa.

You thought relentlessly on what you were going to say to Eren. How you were going to say it. You weren't one to practise your words. Preferring to just wing it because you spoke with more passion.

Well that was when you spoke to people who you didn't know.

Eren knew you. He knows you better than you know yourself, and you're empathetic enough to know that he deserves your true passion. He deserves your real thoughts. He'll know if you practised your words, and he'll give you his matching fire right back.

He wasn't a charity case—You concluded by the end of your run.

He wasn't a wounded puppy you were going to be breaking up with. Eren may be insecure, but he isn't weak.

" Where's Eren?" You asked Connie as you wiped the sweat from your brow.

" I dunno," he shrugged, sitting lazily on the counter. " Why are you sweating?"

" Why are you still bald?"

" Mean!" Connie whined with offence on his face. " You and Eren have been in such bitter moods lately."

You froze.

" — Are you guys fighting?" Connie spoke the words teasingly. A smirk on his face that stretched ear to ear.

You frowned. " I hope you know that if he's not here you're doing his choir as well."

" What?!"

Perhaps Eren has gotten tired of seeing you as well.

You looked down at the pile of dishes that spread around the entire counter. Your eyes settling on the sponge near the sink and the soap. You slipped on your gloves with a far away look on your face. The sound of Connie's cries and complains of his unfair workload fading with each passing second.

" Ha! There's the man of the hour!"

You snapped your head to the kitchen doorway.

There was Eren. His gaze fixed on you as he slowly walked into the kitchen.

Your breath hitched as your greetings died okay your tongue. Your disdain for speaking in Eren's presence suddenly appearing again as you turned back to the sink.

He was here.

—And he had that same hopeful look on his eyes. The look that you might talk to him. Might acknowledge him.

That his best friend didn't hate him for loving her.

" Can you believe this one over here tried to tell me I had to put the dishes away, AND dry them!?" Connie asked Eren incredulously.

You could see him jabbing his finger in your direction as he spoke.

" Hm," was all Eren responded with as he took his place near the sink. " No need. I'm here now."

You could feel his eyes on you. Watching your face, and likely taking offence at your growing discomfort.

You inhaled a shaky breath as you slipped on the dish washing gloves with shaky hands.

he memories of the night you and Eren shared came flooding into your mind.  The feeling of his lips on yours, the way he cradled your head while staring into your eyes, and how you sat on top of him with hands that travelled forbidden parts of his body. The feeling of him snugly inside—

" Connie why don't you leave me and Eren to do the chores today?" You spit out hastily.

Connie stopped his chatter and stared at you perplexed.

You could see how Eren was staring at you in the corner of your eye, but you ignored the look with feigned nonchalance. " I want to talk to Eren about something in private. If you leave we have more time to talk without interruptions..."

You figured telling the truth would be much more believable than lying. Partly because you couldn't find it on you to make out a well thought of excuse to your request.

Connie's eyes flickered to Eren's as he stood frozen.

" I mean unless you want to put the dishes—"

" No, no," Connie laughed as he took a step back. " I mean...like are you sure? Eren are you sure? Because if I'm not doing this chore than I'm not doing anything! If anyone ask me why I'm not cleaning I'm pointing at you Y/N!"

You nodded your head, swallowing as you turned to Eren.

His eyes were intense, filled with confusion, annoyance, hope, and what made you run in the first place—love.

" You don't mind, right Eren?" 

Eren's eyes never moved off of you as he spoke.

" No. I don't."

Connie scratched his nape. Almost as if he was debating on whether or not he should take your deal. " Man Captain Levi might punish me if he sees me not doing anything—"

" Ill take the blame." You instantly reassured with your eyes pinned on Eren's.

You glanced towards Connie, breaking your eye contact, and you weren't surprised to see that he was already looking questionably between the both of you. He could clearly tell something was off. But then again, who couldn't?

You and Eren not being side by side for three weeks was not ordinary. Your brief conversations, only occurring when you really needed to, witch you thought were enough, were obvious to everyone. The tension between you two was just too noticeable.

" Okay..." Connie trailed off. "  Okay than. If you say so."

His steps to the door were fast with excitement to escape chores, and a underlying desire to escape the tension in the air.

" Don't be naughty!" And the kitchen door shut.

Your face flushed at Connie's words. Your eyes falling back to the dishes as you shook your head. Little did he know.

The silence upon Connie's absence was loud. Eren was silent, his fiery gaze fixed on you, and you were certain that he was waiting for you to start the conversation. After all, you had been the one to initiate it—once again.

" Eren," you started lowly. " I'm sorry."

He scoffed. " At least look me in the eye if you what to seem believable,"

Your eyes met his, and both of your gazed were lit ablaze as you stared into one another.

" I've been distant lately. Since that night...I've been treating you horribly. I want to apologize because you're my friend—"

" Cut the bullshit Y/N," you recoiled at his sharp tone. " I'm not a wounded animal.

Eren's sharp words pierced the tension like a blade, cutting through the brittle apology you had rehearsed in your head during your run. His green eyes, once so warm and filled with admiration for you, now burned with frustration. His jaw clenched, and the muscles in his arms tensed as he leaned on the counter, bracing himself as though holding back a storm.

"You don't have to treat me like I'm fragile," Eren continued, his voice low but intense. "I know what I signed up for that night. I know what we both felt."

You swallowed hard, suddenly feeling as though the weight of the entire world rested on your shoulders. His gaze never wavered, forcing you to confront the raw emotion swirling in his eyes.

"I—I wasn't treating you like a wounded animal," you stammered, dropping the sponge into the sink. "I just needed time to think."

"Think about what? Whether I'm worth it?" His voice cracked slightly, and the vulnerability behind his frustration became clear. "Whether what we had—what we have—means anything?"

"No!" you exclaimed, turning to face him fully. "That's not it, Eren. It's not about you. It's about me. I don't know if I'm capable of... of being what you need."

"What I need?" Eren's brows furrowed as he stepped closer, his presence dominating the small space. "What I need, Y/N, is you. Just you. Not some perfect version of you that doesn't exist. Just the person who's been with me through everything. The person who fights beside me, who shares my dreams. Why can't you see that?"

Your throat tightened, his words hitting you like arrows to the chest. You had tried to convince yourself that pushing him away was the right thing to do—that you were protecting him from yourself. But hearing the desperation in his voice, the unwavering conviction in his tone, made you doubt everything.

"I'm not good for you," you whispered, tears threatening to spill as your voice broke. "I'm not good for anyone. I push people away. I ruin things. And I can't—" You faltered, shaking your head. "I can't let myself ruin you."

Eren stepped closer, now only inches away. His hands gripped the edge of the counter behind you, trapping you between him and the sink. His breath was warm against your face as his eyes searched yours, fierce and unwavering.

"Do you really think so little of me?" he asked, his voice softening but no less intense. "Do you think I'm so weak that I can't handle loving you? Because that's what this is, Y/N. I love you. I've loved you for as long as I can remember."

Your breath caught in your throat, your heart pounding wildly in your chest. He had said it. The words you had been avoiding, denying, and running from. And now they hung in the air, demanding to be acknowledged.

"Eren..." you murmured, your voice barely audible.

"I don't care if you think you're hard to love," he continued, his hands now moving to gently cup your face. "Because I don't think that. I think you're worth every second of pain, every fight, every sleepless night. You're everything to me."

Tears slipped down your cheeks as you stared into his eyes, his words breaking down every wall you had so carefully built. You wanted to believe him. You wanted to believe that you were worth the love he was offering so freely.

"I'm scared," you admitted, your voice trembling. "I'm so scared, Eren. What if we don't work? What if I hurt you?"

"Then we figure it out," he said firmly. "Together. Just like we've always done. I'm not afraid of getting hurt, Y/N. I'm only afraid of losing you."

His words shattered the last of your defenses. Without thinking, you closed the distance between you, your lips crashing against his in a kiss that was as desperate as it was passionate. Eren responded instantly, his hands tangling in your hair as he pulled you closer. The kiss was messy, raw, and filled with all the emotions you had been holding back for so long.

Your hands gripped his shirt, bunching the fabric as you poured everything you couldn't say into the kiss. His lips moved against yours with an urgency that sent sparks coursing through your veins. When he pressed you against the counter, his body flush against yours, you felt like you might combust.

"Y/N," he murmured against your lips, his voice husky and breathless. "I'm not letting you go. Not ever."

You pulled back just enough to look into his eyes, your own filled with tears and a newfound determination. "I don't want you to," you whispered.

His lips found yours again, more tender this time, but no less fervent. His hands roamed, gripping your waist, your hips, your back, as though trying to memorize every inch of you. Your own hands explored his broad shoulders, his neck, the way his hair felt between your fingers.

Time seemed to blur as the two of you became lost in each other, the world outside the kitchen fading into nothingness. For the first time in weeks, maybe even years, you felt like you could finally breathe.

When you finally pulled apart, your foreheads resting together, both of you were breathing heavily. Eren's hands rested on your hips, his thumbs tracing gentle circles against your skin.

"I meant what I said," he murmured, his voice low but steady. "I love you, Y/N. And I'll keep proving it to you every day if that's what it takes."

A small smile tugged at your lips, despite the tears still streaming down your face. "You're impossible, you know that?"

"Yeah," he said, his lips quirking up in a grin that was so distinctly Eren. "But so are you."

You laughed softly, the sound light and free, as you leaned in to kiss him again. This time, it was slower, more deliberate, as if sealing a promise that had been years in the making.

Maybe you were hard to love. Maybe you were scared, broken, and unsure of yourself. But as Eren held you in his arms, his love blazing as fiercely as the fire that had always burned between you, you realized one thing: