#equation posting

aoba and natsuki are both stuck in the underworld but for different reasons. natsuki wants to escape, but haruo living or dying hinges on his remaining in this business. he's had a taste of normalcy.

to me, it sounds like aoba is trying to almost rationalize his way out of a mental crisis that is a long time coming. he can't escape. he's never been in control of anything except of his thrill-chasing. he's in too deep. natsuki and aoba both know this is hell, the paneling even landing the text bubbles saying so on natsuki. he was the one who tried to run away, and look where he ended up now.

aoba comparing fighting to gambling is really interesting. to him, gambling is the one thing that has no strings attached. no hard feelings if the you or the other party rules, and fighting produces a similar thrill for him. he can throw himself into gambling and fighting without hesitating because there are no strings attached. he won't be resented for doing his job and it's a cleancut thing for if he fails. in the end, he admits that he drowned himself in the thrill so he wouldn't have to face the facts. aoba literally doesn't even remember why he loved gambling at first until he dies.

he's so used to being hated and his worth being conditional that it comes off as weird when doug states that he doesn't hate him. he doesn't know how to exist outside of being hated and being a tool for someone elses ends that being pitied is something he nearly died experiencing.

it really goes to show that in the end, everyone here is a tool. aoba started his descent into hell failing to fetch his dad alcohol (again being used for someone elses ends) and reaches his end as yet another tool in the hands of someone who won't care about it breaking. you don't feel bad for a tool when it isn't useful anymore, and i just think it's ironic that he literally breaks his tools regularly and uses them haphazardly. just like he's been used, time and time again.

the all-important question. in contrast to aoba's lonely existence, natsuki was never alone. he had loving parents and a younger sibling. natsuki is someone who has never known what it's like to not be loved unlike aoba, who only knew how to be hated.

kindergarten wars makes it a point that the fates of these characters are all produced from circumstance. who you were hired by, who you knew and what decided to happen next. doug and aoba definitely have something going on too but that's probably for another post

as he dies, he leaves behind a literal trail of blood. karma came to collect, and he dies as he lived: drowning among earthly pleasures he could never have in one of the most beautiful panels i've ever seen in manga.

they're both subject to the whims of the universe. it was just the roll of a die that determined how it played out.