[ Out of Starfleet Net Connection ] Kirk, James T. » Spock (Ambassador) -- It would really be better if you told me I was crazy. I can't explain how I feel. I want to spend more time with you and I know how that sounds.

He doesn’t know how to respond, because he doesn’t know how he feels about Jim himself. He doesn’t love this Jim, of course, not in that way -- he is only a phantom of the man he knew in another life. He had told himself this every day.

But he can’t help reading the messages over and over again, and they cause the veneer of certainty to slip -- perhaps it was never certainty, but simply a thin desire to convince himself. Does a phantom not carry the essence of the life once lived? Is a shadow independent from the object that casts it? At what point does memory end and a new life begin? Was this Jim really that different from the one he loved? He had seen into his soul, in that cave. There was a brightness there he had recognized, deep within, that transcended the superficiality of new appearances or different experiences... He had reached for it, drawn by its warm familiarity after having been alone for so long... But he had released it, knowing it was not truly his to grasp.

He scolds himself silently. He was being selfish, living in a dream. This was not his narrative. He could do real damage to this Jim if he did not tread carefully. He knew Jim’s wounds.

But he also knew his own, and they were what made his heart soften whenever he spoke to this Jim.

[ Out of Starfleet Net Connection ] I feel a deep affection and admiration for you, Jim. And you know that you are welcome to contact or visit me at any time.

[Out of Starfleet Net Connection] Love can be many things and take many forms. I am very honored to call you my friend.

(several minutes pass)

[Out of Starfleet Net Connection] What exactly did you see in that meld in the cave?

Both brows danced up and John paused from where he'd been taking inventory of the various weapons they kept in the armory.

There’s an audible gasp and several rooms down, it can be heard.

“WHAT THE FUCK, SPOCK?!!?”

Because what the actual fuck? John hadn’t expected that. He’d figured the Commander would be far too stoic to ever...

“Jesus H. Tapdancing Christ...”

I was tagged by: enterpriseparty

basics:  

name: Hope age: 17 preferred pronouns: who knows tbh, lets go with she/her sexuality: who knows tbh ?? who cares? ? like idk im p gay zodiac sign: Leo taken or single: Single pringle floating in the abyss-like void of space  three facts: I have a dog and a cat, my fave colour is green, i wanna build spaceships when i finish education

experience:

how long (months/years?): oooo idk on and off for a few years??  platforms you’ve used: good ol’ tumbles best experience: probs the community tbh? like ppl can be so nice and its good to see ppl like u who r like obsessed with one character/show etc. its just so nice to see people enthused by something how’d you start: blame xtherkirk / gcdhelpthegirl for that one tbh it was literally from her going “hey rp with me” and i was like LOL WHY NOT MIGHT AS WELL TRY IT and here i am

muse preferences:

female or male: whatever. i’d rp as a tree and probably cry about it. favourite face: hmmm. i do like jenna coleman ? holland roden ? lots of ppl like idk mainly people with lots of varied expressions in their stuff so you dont have to make do when u have one in mind but u dont have the icon for it. least favourite face: benedydick fucking cumberpoop tbh multi or single: ooh like in terms of whether its the same character but u use whoever for the fc whatever u feel like/going on expression ???? usually i stick to a single fc per character just so its less confusing ?? if thats what this means idk

writing preferences:

(via https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pw7nhvmZ2Ds)

“Captain, the use of-” Spock sighed, having long since grown used to the captain using inappropriate terms to Vulcans as casual phrases between humans.

Whilst it gave him a feeling of home, the rest of the complaint made him feel only amused irritation.

“We do not, in fact, have chocolate, Captain. Not that we ourselves have made, only what humans have given to us. We do not indulge in it as it has an intoxicating effect on Vulcans who ingest it. Perhaps that is the very same reason these people do not.” Spock explained matter-of-factly.

“Use of what?” he stared at Spock for a moment in confusion then shook his head, dismissing it. If Spock hadn’t finished what he was going to say, it was evidently not important.