#engagementadvice

Serious Dater

Such a fun fun time filled with so many memories, friends, new family and did I say GIFTS!? :) I am recently engaged as of August 2016 and getting married in January 2017- inviting about 325 people. yeah. I’m insane... I know…lol I’ve heard it.  

I want to write a few posts on engagement. One because I have a ton of friends getting engaged recently, but two because I feel it is a grey area that we walk into, not really understanding what it is or what to expect, so I hope to shed some light on it! && Share your thoughts too! 

 Honestly, YES!!! -the beginning of engagement was extremely overwhelming. I was working full time, my grandma had a stroke shortly after, Hurricane Matthew came and a lot of my bridal shower invites got lost (& wedding invites for that matter... I’ve just found this out), my immediate family lives 2 1/2 hours away from me, endless tasks- plus I had Thanksgiving, and Christmas in before my wedding date... my budget- what is it? SO MANY UKNOWNS and many I can’t control..but I want to!!! I’ve worked around weddings for the past two years, so that did help, but I was totally absent from the feelings that encompassed planning one, and became humbled pretty fast. 

I didn’t enjoy engagement at first and I think people assume that is normal, but I hope to challenge that. I love my fiancé and was so pumped to be with him, but quickly my mind shifted to my to do lists and decisions to make like “who are my bridesmaids, what date, where, money, COLOR SCHEME <3- this that what uhhhh pinterest, more confusion, venues so expensive- lets elope- no…ok how do I do this then?”  Anyone relate?? My mind doesn't shut off. I’d like to say that I was oh so holy to realize I wasn’t enjoying my engagement on my own, but it took the gentle correction of my fiancé and a few bickering arguments to make me finally step back and realize I had a big choice to make- more then the colors of my wedding- more then the food or my dress- “Am I going to choose to enjoy this season of engagement, or am I going to let worry and pressures consume me to the point that I can’t wait until it is over & I look back and hate this season.” & I chose to enjoy it & it has been a sweet battle worth fighting ever since. 

Here are a few pieces of advice or learning lessons I’ve experienced along the way that I really hope encourage you too! 

#1-Your fiancé is your partner- He is not your enemy & YOU are not his task master.  Write this on your mirror.

 He might want to be really involved in the wedding or he might not want to be. Ask him & don’t assume! Be cautious how you are speaking to him. I learned oh so painfully to not always just make a decision and then ask for his input and disregard it anyways, because the decision was already made & this obviously is the BEST way right? lol wrong. Ask your fiancé what he sees his involvement being and be honest if you do want more or less help on things! It’s okay! 

Tasks…endless tasks and to be honest I so enjoy sitting down and cranking things out but my fiancé is the complete opposite. He wants to have fun while we do things, and this anger inside of me rears up full force when I have my mind set to crank out my list, and he wants to hug me for a minute…yes even a minute or watch a cool youtube video for a few minutes… or take a break... because when I’m in the zone... I’m in the zone... so either join me or get out of my way-- Amen? No. haha man I so wish I was right, but WE are not right. In fact get rid of that language- it isn’t about right or wrong. You’re not justified ever for getting angry when someone or something interrupts your plans. 

There are so many tasks to planning a wedding that in a weird way make my heart happy with these mini goals, but tasks can quickly turn into idols in which you are willing to compromise or dismiss any relationship or emotion involved with them as you are going to battle with these tasks.If your plans triumph over the people involved in them-you are a slave to your plans. 

“We fail to realize that these interruptions are God’s plan for us and His good for us.”  So- chill out!! Some things really can wait until the next morning or 5 minutes and consider God’s design of joy. I know this one seemed so lame to me too because joy is rarely a lens I consider to look through, but at the end of the day, your tasks will get done and you know why?... because you probably can't truly rest until they are haha which is another post, “so either you can have fun with them and include others and it will take a bit longer, or you can become a task dictator in which everyone dreads speaking or working with and get them done in one day, at one time, in your controlling way, and eventually be alone with them” (as my fiancé so clearly painted out to me haha.) 

So bluntly>>> you choose. 

#2 The first step of Wedding planning: Define your budget & values together.> Notice I did not say to choose your vendors yet! Dream for a minute. What do you both value? Do you want a beautiful space? Do you want amazing food? Do you want a really cool DJ? Nice dress? Do you want beautiful flowers and greenery? Inside or outside or both? A photographer? Videographer? Location? All of these matter more then you think. For example we both chose we valued all of our people being able to attend & a beautiful space in the woods with dancing & I really wanted nice photos, which he didn’t necessarily pick as a high value, but met me in it. This seems simple, but it has helped us know where to spend our money and where we were not going to compromise when we were choosing vendors and breaking down our budget.

**Oh and download a pre made wedding budget chart> it will help you!! 

#3 Everyone has an opinion of how you should do something.> Listen, pray & remember you have freedom to choose!

 At first and throughout most of this season the pressure I have felt has been people I love or acquantiances telling me what I should or should not do, and my own voice of- “what is tradition and something I have to do and what isn’t- what I’m doing wrong or disorganized about and what I need to fix and do better at,” and to be honest we decided very early on that we were going to do what we wanted, not in an attempt to be rude to others and shut their voices out, but at the end of the day in the midst of all of the opinions, we want our wedding day to be a reflection of us- inviting and thanking those who have been apart of our story to celebrate OUR story- and we feel that it is uniquely crafted by God and we want our wedding to be a reflection of that and yes that even means shutting down Pinterest a lot. 

 I find this interesting that people express their opinions as a matter of fact lol when really wedding ceremonies tend to be a cultural thing and there is no ultimate wedding law God says we must follow when it comes to day of the week or morning or evening or invites or venue or food or colors ect. I think we have freedom with those things. The number one advice I have received from past brides & friends is that they wish they would have used their voice more and did some of the things they wanted to do, but instead they let their mom plan it solely- or they let tradition and the voices of “should” rule. 

I know you care about certain people’s voices, but they do not rule you & how you choose to engage in those conversations takes prayer, patience and you initiating it sometimes. It might even mean you saying no to money with expectations on it. It sounds silly to pray about your wedding planning, but seriously do it because I firmly believe that Satan attacks us through engagement heavily from angles you will never see coming. Being consumed by busyness, relationships strained during it (bridesmaids or parents), so many things that just go wrong haha. Think about it though why would Satan want you to enjoy something so so good and blessed by our God? 

And if it’s any encouragement as you were probably filled with anxiety of those voices you might have to be okay with disappointing or being bold and approaching, more people have expressed how they love some of our unique features such as custom invites or RSVPing online (thanks to the knot.com highly recommend it) & even how we chose to share our stories on our website too. Many people are extremely shocked and say its refreshing when I answer I’m not super stressed and enjoy our engagement. So, if you have an idea- GO FOR IT! Nothing is off limits guys >Ultimately your wedding is supposed to be rejoicing to our Lord- a celebration!!! So REJOICE!! :) 

Engagement can be enjoyable- fight for joy.