There is this conviction which I convince myself is hope, that anyone who knew how my mind worked, the consideration behind my thoughts and actions, the way I see things that others fail to notice, the way I understand a person's deepest fears and never talk about it directly....the way I ignore the things they are trying to hide deliberately...the way I constantly remain there for them when they want me and the way I feel each of their emotion and its circumstance without talking. If anyone knew all this about me, they would not be able to not love me. For a matter, I know that I can get love by loving the way I love.... unconditionally. I could accept a person who refuses to accept themselves or someone who does not even feel respected by the others. I could do it and willingly. But the reason I hold back on love is because I don't want it to be a reaction to my love, but to my being. I don't want someone who likes me because I love them. I want someone who loves me just because it's me, I am myself. I want a person who thinks thoughts and realises that I occupied them and someone who like me, finds themselves silently admiring. Maybe this is the kind of love that prevents me from giving my heart out carelessly. This is the kind of pain that keeps me pain free. The price of loneliness was always high so I raised my expectations to match the strive.
