#emsshit

PSA: Do not shit where you eat. Just do yourself that favor. Be careful dating another fanfic writer. There's a distinct chance you're stepping into someone else's fairytale.

The dumpster fire that is my life has finally burned itself most of the way down, I'm sorta just raking at the coals at this point. Thank God, cuz it's been a doozy.

I recently got out of a toxic long distance relationship. And my first relationship with a dismissive avoidant. Most painful shit I've ever experienced, once that honeymoon stage ended. 0/10, do not recommend.

I failed to recognize the trauma bonds. The love bombing. The false promises. I did most of the traveling to and from for them. We met each other's parents. I accepted custom jewelry and a marriage proposal from someone who still has yet to take a single step towards getting divorced. Mine will be finalized next week. I was in the process of rearranging my entire life to move to be with them (because that worked better for them). I was prepared to navigate my relationship with my son, which would've then put him 200+ miles away.

Y'all, we write fiction. Our shared hobby is making shit up. For fun.

I ended up being a background character in my own relationship while my partner was living two whole ass lives. And when I finally realized it, too late, it destroyed me.

They were continuing to be very much involved in their marriage, continuing to tell their spouse that they loved them. Plans for us were always being rearranged to spend time with that spouse and their kids. I once was left alone in a nice hotel room I paid for for 3 hours for them to spend time with their “family”. Or, another time, when they apologized to their spouse for cheating via text while I sat across from them. Talk about being played.

I missed the red flags. Especially the dismissive avoidant flags. You know the ones. Where you continuously ask for them to communicate and be vulnerable with you, and they refuse. Those ones.

Where they stare at you with dead eyes, emotionless, while you sob your heart out to them. Give you the ‘ol, “I don't know what I want.” line. The, “I love you, but..”. saying. They may have intended on committing to you, but it's too real for them when they can't control you or the situation anymore. When you begin to see through their ruse. When they start to lose their independence. They want “space” with little to no explanation. When you start asking questions, or asking for them to be present, to clarify expectations, it's definitely over. You no longer fit the role of the character they want you to play.

They'll make you feel legitimately insane. Probably make you act crazy too. Say some gnarly shit to them that you might not have known you could say. If you're one of the lucky ones, you might get a half assed, self deprecating apology from them. Then they'll gaslight and guilt you into apologizing to *them*. You, honest to God, will feel like you've lost your mind.

But the best part is when you've finally had enough, they'll make you look like a fool to your families, friends, and mutuals. They'll tell half truths and guide their narrative. (They're a writer, remember?)

There's also a chance they might not even acknowledge any of it. Just go on about their life like you're not over here dead inside because of them, like it never even happened. Abandon the WiP, so to speak. It's a coin toss.

They'll finish you off with just enough engagement, and then completely ghost you. Full no contact, blocking, deleting. They'll even go so far as to block you from their written online works. You won't ever get an ounce of closure, no apologies, no acknowledgement of fault or miscommunication. Nothing. They certainly aren't going to check to make sure you're alright. They do not care. They used you and got what they wanted. They showed you what they thought of your worth and value. At the end of the day, you were just a chapter in their story. Medium burn. Angst. All hurt, no comfort.

You'll be left to pick up the pieces and do your damnedest to navigate the mental and emotional abuse that you suffered, all the lies and omissions. You'll dodge the panic attacks and self loathing. And you'll attempt to heal. It's going to be a bitch, and you'll have some false starts, your mind trying to travel back to the good times. But you'll get there. You have to. They fumbled, not you. But you will have to extend a bit of gratitude to them– they've helped you learn a hella important lesson. Now you can set your boundaries and expectations and adjust your red flag radar.

You'll tell yourself, “I've got this”, as many times as it takes. And one day, it'll stick and you'll be able to finish the epilogue yourself.