Diary Entry 5: Empty Wants
Living in the past won't bring you back. Bringing back old memories of happy times will only prolong my agony. I laid in bed the other night, and it was difficult. You would lie next to me so often, holding me close to your strong and sturdy chest. I miss the feel of your arms. I miss the sound of your voice. The rise and fall of your chest as you slept.
I thought about some of the best times that we had together. There were so many happy moments I want those days again. I tried to single out a few of my favorites, but it was difficult because I love them all. But, I would say that a few stuck out at me. Sewing you up in the kitchen after you gave me a passion to jump off of cliffs. The day that you so selflessly made all about me; we danced, you cooked, you.. painted my nails.. Even now that one makes me smile.
I remember the day I broke my arms, and you were there to make me feel better. I remember waking up in the middle of the night from nightmares, and you were there to comfort me and make me feel better. Making you sugary foods because you love them so much. I haven't made baked apples since I made them for you last. Since I can't share them with you and see that wonderful reaction on your face from the taste. I remember you going after Tom and defending me. You picking me up like the new bride that I was.
I want those moments ever-present once more. I want to wake up and still be lying in your arms, to not only have that in my dreams. I don't want the bed to feel cold and empty anymore. But they will forever remain wants. Because I'm filled with empty wants that I can't dismiss, no matter how hard I wish.
