Dec 31, 2018
Sometimes I'll ask myself if I'll ever let you close again.
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Sometimes I'll ask myself if I'll ever let you close again.
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I felt the music tonight. I don’t remember the last time I did that.
Going Away_2 by joaobernardocorreiacabral
crying over sappy movies and feeling shitty about myself
I get quite wound up fast sometimes, and it snowballs to being Irrational and Pressured against everything. It becomes hard to breathe and think straight, and when I can’t catch it I ruin my life. I am Ashamed and scared sometimes about my inability to control and focus on my own. At the same time I am Astounded and Bewildered By Her ability to help me in those and other times.
Like the Beautiful Piper, Her soft and instantly understanding warmth stops the beast in his tracks..
I also upset myself with my ability to forget many things, Mania and Lithium and Seroquel have a dulling effect on ones memory.. I don’t know how i function sometimes.. its obviously not well..
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The feels today are strong.. I'm sure a lot of people feel like this, since it's not common to meet someone who understand you. But as of lately, it seems like no one is there to reach out to me. Which is fine, I am patient, and I love them even if they can't help me the way I need. I will contiouniously sit and listen to them.one day they will understand and that's all I can ask, right?
had a horrible headache last night, was in tears and on the verge of puking several times, it was pretty bad, but i just turn all lights off and didnt do anything, i was able to get to sleep. woke up today, and its just not a good day. i feel so.. moody. and bitchy and grouchy. its insane. driving i used my horn like 5 times, and i barely use my horn unless someone cuts me off. finally get on tumblr to get a little break, see a influx of followers, like wow... weird. and 2 messages, no not an anon looking for advice or someone saying something about liking my blog or something. BOTH messages were telling me to delete a picture that i reblogged, ive already made a past post about people not wanting pictures reblogged but posting them anyway, and i completely respect it, there are few pictures i reblog unless they are adorable, but you know there is a chance people are going to reblog it, especially if you didnt even mention anything about not wanting people to reblog it. so along with that the message said they tried getting a hold me 3 times, and wasn't sure if i was "ignoring" them or just didnt care. so excuse the hell out of me that i was sick and couldnt get on to DELETE a post that you posted, not stating you didnt want people to reblog. they weren't "trying" to be rude, no one tries to be rude. it was rude, and they knew it. so definitely probably getting off tumblr for now, my mood and that person, just didnt mix and i need to step away. feel crappy for being moody, but its like i can't help it, then when everyone around you is just doing stupid things, its annoying.