#emotionalshit

I like beginnings, they're always fresh, like the mornings and spring and youth. Beginnings always bring hope and energy, they open new perspectives, they make you grow.

Some people don't like beginnings. They're afraid of trying something new. Maybe because you can't control a beginning, you can't be too knowledgeable of it, so it can make you unsure of yourself and unconfortable.

Maybe these are the people that also got to end things, and they know how hard it's to let go. That's why they don't want to get in again.

I admit, I have a sin for beginning things and never finish them. Maybe as well because I'm afraid to let go and to end things.

For example I got to finish a book today, one among 10 books which I've started in the last weeks. And I felt disappointed and almost betrayed by the poor thing. It showed its limits, it didn't let me dream upon it anymore. It was interesting for 350 pages and that was it.

I guess I should start loving or at least accept the endings and understand their purpose.

I moved in with my brother and grandmother.

Due to the fact that I was homeless and refuse to be alone with my mother let alone live with her physco ass again.

My mother gets it honest though, from her mother that I live with. She's just to old and feeble to do any physical damage. That mental shit though is powerful. Especially when you're constantly around it. My brother has lived with her for the last two years, except for when he was in jail, because he feels like the only way to handle her shit is for him to get shit faced.

Now I'm waiting on my income tax, about to buy what's probably a lemon of a car, and what is definitely a lemon of a place.

But then it'll be mine. No bullshit. I'm trying to get my brother to come with me.... Though I honestly know it's probably not the best decision. I cant let him stay with her, not with how the two years of her has effected him mentally. Being around her is the absolute worst thing for his potential sobriety. I have to do what I can to help.

Which is why I've chosen a place that I can afford on my own if absolutely necessary. So if he gets arrested again for some crazy shit, I won't loose everything I've worked so hard to get.

Just let it stop.