teaser tidbit tuesday courtesy of @rewritetheending. I am still in green creek brain rot and Gordo and Thomas make me insane. Also I like how Thomas kind of just haunts everyone, so. Some Gordo haunting. I like second person for ghost Thomas. It feels kind of removed? Idk, don't think too hard about it.
"God damn it, Ox," he mumbles to himself, squinting down at the phone in his hand before leaning away from it a little. "I don't know what that means."
Joy and sorrow bubbles up in your throat for having the chance to see this. Knowing that it isn't meant for you. Tripping on how it could have been if you'd been less insular. If the boy who had been your witch had been allowed to grow into a man at your side. He still is your witch. You'd felt him come home to you for just a second before it had been too late. Someday he'll come home again. Trade one home for another, anyway. But not for a long while.
He finally just sighs and presses the call button, bringing the phone to his ear.
"I don't know what that means," he says again.
"What what means?"
"Whatever you sent me."
"…The smiling emoji?"
"The…" He squints again, pulling the phone away to look at it again. "Smiling?" He mumbles.
Ox's next reply comes after a pause, quieter, as if for privacy. "You should reconsider the glasses. Or the exam at least."
"I don't need—"
"What'd you think it was?"
"Shut up, Ox."
You still think he's wonderful. But, being maybe a little wiser than you had been in your youth, you hope he continues to change. Accidentally gives you more of these little moments of your pack. He hangs up and pulls the text up again, blinking at it. Pulling the phone away. Back again. This is not for you. You can imagine the indignation if he knew his privacy was not entirely his own in this moment. You take these little moments of life to tide you over anyway.
I am too dead for proper tags but if you'd like to do it please do <3
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Kaoru woke with a jolt, the trails of a nightmare clinging to his skin and filling his lungs like smoke.
He sat up and tucked his legs underneath him, shaking fingers pushing his hair out of his face. His ragged breaths were like thunder in the inky silence of the unlit bedroom, dancing to the beat of his pounding heart.
"Kaoru?" a low voice sounded in the darkness.
A second later a night-light flicked on, drawing Kaoru's attention to Kojiro's sleepy, concerned gaze. "What's wrong?"
Kaoru blew out a harsh, trembling breath, squeezing his eyes closed at the sudden light. Almost immediately a headache rose to the surface of his forehead. "Nothing. Go back to sleep."
The bed shifted, assumably because Kojiro adjusted his position. "Are you sure?"
"I'm fine," Kaoru brushed him off again. "Just a dream. Please turn off the light."
A moment later, the room was plunged back into darkness, and Kaoru sighed, bringing up his hands to rub the bridge of his nose, keeping his eyes closed. Something touched his shoulder, and he flinched away on instinct.
"Shh, it's just me," Kojiro said softly. The thing -- which, Kaoru realized, was Kojiro's warm hand -- returned, rubbing his back soothingly. "Was it a bad dream?"
Kaoru could only hum in confirmation. The tense muscles in his shoulders slowly relaxed underneath Kojiro's touch.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
Kaoru shook his head, and only realized a few seconds too late that Kojiro likely couldn't see the gesture. He seemed to receive the message, though, since he didn't ask further.
The hand on Kaoru's back stopped its stroking, traveling over his shoulder and down his arm until caught Kaoru's elbow.
"Come here," Kojiro murmured. A second hand gently brushed stray strands of hair behind Kaoru's ears. The hand on his elbow tugged him forward, and before he knew it Kaoru was enveloped in a set of warm, strong arms.
"It's okay," Kojiro whispered, smoothing a hand over Kaoru's head, running fingers through Kaoru's messy hair. "You're okay. You're safe."
Kaoru knew that, but he didn't have it in him to snark back. Instead, his arms slowly, hesitantly, wrapped around Kojiro's waist. His heartbeat settled, his breathing slowed, with every reassuring word Kojiro planted into his skin, with every stroke of Kojiro's fingernails across Kaoru's scalp.
After a while, Kojiro shifted, leaning back into the mattress, pulling Kaoru along with him and tucking him against his chest. He pressed a kiss onto Kaoru's forehead. His hand never stopped stroking his hair.
"Don't you worry," Kojiro said, so unbelievably caring and tender it almost brought tears to Kaoru's eyes. "I won't let anything bad happen to you. I promise."
update everyone! the emotions have decided to hit a little different tonight. it’s nearly 3 am, and sleep is supposed to be guarding against what torments in the night hours, the stuff i somewhat successfully fight off when it’s light, with distractions and the like.
and yet, here i am, awake again, and surprise! i ache desperately for the loneliness i feel to be ripped out of me. i wish for the soil it grew in to be churned up and washed in scathing fire all over until nothing is left of what once grew there. then maybe a hand to gently press the soil back down, and a rain to cool any remaining heat.
to never feel loneliness again. to never let it ever take root again. i can’t be a gardener if i’m the garden. i can’t give anything a garden is supposed to give. i can’t give what i don’t have, but i still can’t help but want. still. always. wanting and such. idk man. shit hurts.
Literally no one asked for this, but Thomas Bennett has always been a little morally grey when it comes to protecting his sons' peace to me. Joe's peace in particular. I looked at this until I stopped liking it, so it's time to stop looking at it!
with a hand on his head and heart
Rated E, Thomas/Ox
His son's rage and pain had been… challenging as both his alpha and his father. Jessie had been complicated but manageable. Joe had still been so young, not entirely understanding what candy canes and pine cones and epic and awesome meant for him, how it might change as he grew and matured. He had understood the jealousy, the desire to keep Ox to himself, but it had still been colored with childhood. Now, with Ox an adult finding himself in ways decidedly unavailable to his son and Joe in the throes of adolescence… Things were different this time.
Remember when Aileen told Gordo, "I'm sure Mark will teach you to jerk off with the left."
How Easy You are to Need
Rated E, Mark/Gordo
"No, I'll take care of myself." He looks confused so I add, "Let me watch you."
"Get fucking real, wolf."
"I'm going through a lot right now, Gordo." He gives me a withering look and I smile at him.
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hello tumblr I am... seemingly back to stay for a while? who knows.
thinking is hard. have a list of facts.
emory, 30s, he/they, queer. I have a noisy gray kitty, run a d&d game now and then, trying to get back into writing, Going Through It, “likes to read”, in a parasocial relationship with any body of water, etc, etc.
sometimes I post liveblogs and quotes from stuff that made me feel things, and sometimes those feelings are horny. this has been a warning. the quotes live in my queue and post when they feel like it in whatever order pleases them.
I don't tag much anymore but the ones I use regularly are in the thing down there. good luck some of them are just letters. many of them are just letters.
Kojiro had lost track of how long he’d been sitting in the same spot.
The armchair in the corner of Kaoru’s hospital room was too small to slump into comfortably, so Kojiro had given up on the idea of taking a nap. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to sleep now, anyway. Every time he closed his eyes, the events of the past few hours flashed by in his mind.
Entering the emergency room had been a blur -- running in with Kaoru in his arms had brought the attention on him right away, and within seconds he was swarmed by nurses and staff. Countless questions about what happened rained down on him, and he found himself unable to open his mouth to answer them. Relief washed over Kojiro when Shadow started filling in the gaps for him, and then a nurse tugged on his sleeve, pointing him to an empty bed and instructing him to put Kaoru down carefully.
Kojiro could only do as he was told, and he could’ve sworn Kaoru’s grip on his jacket lingered for a touch too long before he let go. Their gazes met, and Kojiro would’ve done anything to get rid of the fear in his eyes, if the hospital staff hadn’t cut in and busied themselves with Kaoru’s injuries.
Before Kojiro knew it, Kaoru’s bed was being wheeled away. A black hole swallowed everything within the cage of his ribs as he watched Kaoru disappear behind a set of heavy white doors.
One way or another he’d found his way into a waiting room. Someone pushed a small cardboard cup of cheap coffee into his hands. He vaguely remembered staring at the wall until its subtle pattern began to swirl along with his stomach.
Eventually a nurse notified him that Kaoru was confirmed to be stable, no severe or life-altering damage done, and that they’d moved him to a separate room to rest. She walked off then, without saying another word, knowing that Kojiro would follow her to whichever room they’d assigned him.
Kaoru had been sleeping from the moment Kojiro had entered. Kojiro had simply collapsed into the nearest chair and watched him, illuminated only by a small nightlight.
A handful of minutes ago the door had opened, shaking Kojiro out of whatever reverie he’d been stuck in, revealing the small, tired frame of a nurse about to wrap up her night shift. She passed through swiftly to check on Kaoru, waking him gently and asking him a handful of basic questions to make sure his concussion didn’t get worse. Kojiro didn’t even get the chance to look him in the eye -- he was back asleep before the nurse had closed the door behind her.
By now, the early morning sun started peeking through the thin indigo curtains and slipping through whatever slit they didn’t happen to cover, bathing the small room in a soft, golden glow.
Kojiro had never before had this much time to look at Kaoru. To really look at him.
He lay in a half-upright position, his back and neck supported by sturdy pillows. Bandages covered most of his head wounds, and his right arm was tucked securely into a sling. Traces of blood still lingered in his hair, splayed around him in tangled strands. His chest rose and fell peacefully underneath his hospital gown -- a movement Kojiro had tried to calm himself with over and over, but never quite managed.
Even in this state, Kaoru was heartbreakingly beautiful.
Kojiro had always known he was, and he’d always been aware of it. But there were particular moments, such as this one, where it slapped him in the face and left him reeling.
He didn’t think he had ever ached to touch him this much.
As quietly as he could, he scooted his chair closer to Kaoru’s bed. Then he reached out, slid his hand underneath Kaoru’s free one, and interlaced their fingers.
For a moment, he marveled at how well their hands seemed to fit together, like two matching puzzle pieces. How his hands, tan and covered in calluses and tiny little scars he’d collected in culinary school, contrasted with Kaoru’s fair ones, slender and smooth except for the spots on his fingers that carried his calligraphy brush. And how, above all else, he didn’t want to let go.
Then Kaoru’s fingers moved, solidifying their grip on Kojiro’s hand with a slight squeeze.
Kojiro’s head shot up, and saw that Kaoru’s eyes were open, trained on their intertwined fingers, the tiniest smile tugging up his lips.
“I knew you were sentimental,” he said lowly, “but this is a lot even for you.”
“Kaoru,” Kojiro breathed, and before he could stop himself, he started laughing. Soft, breathy, desperate chuckles dripping with relief; the kind that could transform into harsh, racking sobs if one wasn’t careful. Finally, finally, the vines that had strangled him for hours on end began to loosen their hold, and he leaned forward until his forehead touched their shared hands.
“Now, now,” he heard Kaoru say, his voice laced with amusement. “No need for your carefree spirit to be so worry-struck. Cheer up, little Kojiro.”
Kaoru’s hand pulled free from Kojiro’s grip and ran through Kojiro’s hair soothingly. “I can’t believe I have to comfort you when I’m the injured one here,” he added, mock-sullenly.
“Alright, alright,” Kojiro said, sitting up, “you can cut it out now.”
Kaoru hummed, lifting his hand to cover his smile with slender fingers, the way he often hid it behind his favorite fan.
Then, as if the events of the night before suddenly came back to him, his smile fell.
"Are you in pain?" Kojiro asked immediately.
Kaoru started shaking his head, then winced at the movement, squeezing his eyes shut. Vines started creeping up Kojiro's chest again. He feared they wouldn't be completely gone until Kaoru was back to how he'd been before. And that could take weeks. Months.
Kaoru opened his eyes, then stared at a spot on the wall. His free hand clutched the fabric of the covers.
"I can't believe how stupid I've been."
"Stupid?" Kojiro was dumbstruck. "Kaoru, nothing about this is your fault--"
"No, dimwit," Kaoru interrupted him. "I can't believe how stupid I've been to believe anything remained of Adam as we used to know him."
Oh.
"I wanted to see it for myself," Kaoru continued. "See how much he'd changed, if there was anything in him at all that I could recognize. Some part of me held out hope that I-- we could turn it all back somehow."
Kaoru cast his eyes down to where his hand strangled the sheets. His gaze-- no, his entire body, held the unmistakable weight of grief. "But I was wrong."
"Not just you," Kojiro said. He reached out and stroked the back of Kaoru's hand with his fingertips. "It's hard to watch, seeing the person he's become."
Kaoru nodded slowly. The movement made a few strands of hair fall into his face.
An idea sparked in Kojiro’s mind.
"Oh, wait, here--" Kojiro dug into the pocket of his jacket, fishing out the spare hair tie he always carried around "--let me tie up your hair for you."
Kaoru blinked at him, then hummed, acceding. Some of the tension in his shoulders dropped, suggesting to Kojiro that he wasn’t the only one glad to have an excuse to change the subject.
He carefully sat down on the edge of the bed and helped Kaoru sit upright a little. With his fingers he gently combed through Kaoru's hair, untangling any knots he came across, scraping his fingernails across Kaoru’s scalp for good measure. Kaoru's eyes fluttered closed as Kojiro worked -- the tiny noises of pleasure he made from the back of his throat were the only sign that he was still awake.
When his hair was all smoothed out, Kojiro gathered most of the strands together into a loose ponytail, one of Kaoru's signature looks, and wrapped the hair tie around it until he was sure no amount of twisting and turning would undo it.
"There," he said, tucking a stray strand behind Kaoru's ear. "That should do it."
"Thanks," Kaoru breathed curtly. His cheeks took on a rosy tone.
Kojiro couldn't help caressing Kaoru's cheek as he moved his hand away, his skin igniting at the touch. As he sat back down in the armchair, Kaoru exposed the palm of his hand -- an invitation. Kojiro accepted, taking Kaoru's hand in both of his.
"I'm tired," Kaoru sighed.
"Then rest." Kojiro traced circles on the back of Kaoru's hand with one of his thumb. "That's all you have to do for now."
Kaoru hummed. He turned his head so he could meet Kojiro's gaze.
"Will you stay?"
Kojiro's heart jumped, filling his chest with sparks of static electricity. Kaoru was usually too proud to admit he had any needs or wants -- and if he was forced to, he tended to go with arrogant humor rather than vulnerable sincerity. The fact that he chose the latter this time around suggested something was changing between them.
With the way his entire body tingled with warmth, Kojiro couldn’t say he wasn’t excited about the prospect.
He smiled, and lifted Kaoru’s hand to press a feather-light kiss on top of his knuckles.
