Hi everyone. We’ve decided to start making side blogs for individual alters, so I’ll post any side blogs we make here in case anyone is interested. ^-^

@lilymelrose - Lily’s blog, emo/scene aesthetic stuff and some age regression related stuff.

@katrinatherussianblue - Katrina’s blog about being a non-human alter.

I have, in the past had delusions of participating in nanowrimo (or National Novel Writing Month for those not in-the-know) but I never followed through because I’m lazy and also writing for any significant length of time gives me anxiety for some stupid reason. Like, if I do it for too long I start to feel like I’m losing my grasp on it and I get panicked and stop, so attempting a goal of 50,000 words at like 2000 words a day seems pretty unrealistic for me so I only ever seem to write in short bursts which is awful for productivity.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking a lot lately about writing and why I like doing it and why I want to do it seriously and all that, so I’m thinking yeah I should give NaNo a go this year to jumpstart my writing drive again. I’ve got a couple WiPs on the go and decided to do one of those instead of starting something new, so it will be easier to get into the rhythm and all and I won’t be smashing my head into a wall trying to come up with new material.

As it turns out, the story I’m redrafting for this thing is already well over 50,000 words long. I’ve got a 175 page word document saved for it, and I have a journal mostly filled with the latter part of it. Which is cool and all but for real I barely remember writing that much of it. I’m actually struggling to think of what it all could be. I remember not having the whole thing perfectly written out yet, I skipped some parts that I couldn’t work through, I can’t seem to plot the whole thing out in my head so what the hell is all this stuff? When did I write this all? It must have been like 3 or 4 years ago.

It just makes me think, gee maybe I shouldn’t get so stressed about writing? Maybe I’m not as bad at it as I think, or at least I’m not as starved for inspiration as I feel. The other day at work it was pretty slow and I was thinking about the prospect of having to rewrite this whole story, so I picked up a notepad and just started jamming out on it and in no time at all I’d rewritten the entire intro chapter of this story. Like, effortlessly it just came to me.

I think there’s something holistic about straight up pen-to-paper writing. It seems like I can crush a few hundred words like nothing just jotting things down, but when trying to type shit out in a word document I’m just creatively dead. I guess with pen and paper it feels less permanent? More like just a silly little whimsical doodling or something. I can write out a whole sentence and see how it works and just scratch it out if I don’t like it, or make some notes in the margins, substitute words and the like and it doesn’t cost me anything, I’m not losing work if you catch my drift.

On a computer, typing it out I guess I think of it more like a professional thing. Yeah, you can still type out a whole thing, change it if you don’t like it, backspace, delete shit, rearrange stuff but somehow that feels like I’m not making progress. Like I’m going backwards. With a notebook, even if I change something or strike out a part I don’t like or use fill-in words and shit I’m still filling up pages worth of stuff. Actual stuff that I put there, real results of my effort.