#emmieb

I thought I was smart enough, practical enough, to separate what Joaquin said I was from what I knew I was. The way I saw it, I was fully capable of being treated with indifference that bordered on disdain while maintaining a strong sense of self-respect. I obeyed his commands, sure that I could fulfill this role while still protecting the sacred place inside of me that I knew I deserved more. Different. Better. But that isn’t how it works. When someone shows you how little you mean to them and you keep coming back for more, before you know it you start to mean less to yourself. You are not made of compartments. You are one whole person. What gets said to you gets said to all of you. Ditto what gets done. Being treated like shit is not an amusing game or a transgressive intellectual experiment. It’s something you accept, condone, and learn to believe you deserve. This is so simple. But I tried so hard to make it complicated.

Here is a playlist I put together for when you’re missing someone or somewhere, or just generally feeling a bit down. 

New Years Resolutions

And to think you would get me to the altar Like I'd follow you around like a dog that needs water But admit it that you wanted me smaller If you would have let me grow You could have kept my love