On Reflecting
20/11/23
I forgot I had this account. Essentially a live journal for young me. Every time I read old journals Iâm struck by the stress and anxiety I felt. I always look back to see the young me so worried about things that arenât even important. The most intense and emotional moments get replaced with new more intense and emotional moments. I look back and think young me had it easy. But really, Iâve just acquired ďżźmore knowledge and life experience.
2023 has been the worst year of my life
Itâs been a year of pain. It started with terrible mental and physical health battles, having to leave a 6 year long relationship with my first love, losing contracts and my business suffering big time, getting blackmailed to leave a teaching job I loved, losing all the close friends I had through my ex-partner, my grandfather dying, all 4 funding applications I spend months preparing getting rejected, a debilitating existential crisis, my savings draining away, someone stealing my hard work and ideas and profiting off them.
The list is arduous ďżźand I feel like shrivelling up inside a shell.
But in this pain, there really has been beauty.
A trip to Italy, reconnecting with old school friends and finding girlfriends and a support network that Iâve always dreamed of, the Barbie Movie, running, starting a book club and rediscovering the love for reading again, gaming alone and having fun.
I donât know what will happen next, but if my experience has taught me anything, I will one day look back on this year and think âpppffffftt I had it so easy.â So Iâm hoping for that day to come sooner rather than later.











