#emma is thinking...

at age sixteen, isagi decides two things. one, he will become the best striker in the world, and two, he still loves you, albeit a little more than his seven year old self previously thought. but instead of kissing you, he hugs you tightly before he boards the bus to blue lock, and he takes in all the details of you. he thinks of the smell of your shampoo and the melody of your laugh while he's there, but he never tells anyone that.

being a model, yukimiya knows his angles and how to carry himself, but somehow, you never catch him in the most flattering positions. the first time you meet, you see him trying to catch the snack his friend was going to throw into his mouth, but his friend sneezes right when the snack is launched and yukimiya gets hit in the eye (yes, the snack somehow gets past his glasses. how does that even happen?). on another day, he sees you stranded at a bus stop near the school because it's pouring and you didn't have an umbrella, but when he walks towards you in hopes of getting to share his umbrella with you, he slips on a puddle and lands on his butt with a splash.

while yukimiya always has a smile on his face, his close friends would know that it isn't always genuine, and behind his polite friendliness, he loved to gossip. the unfortunate thing is, you've caught him more than once in a less than ideal situation. for example, after politely rejecting a classmate's confession, he turned around to roll his eyes because she could barely give a good reason beyond his looks for why she had feelings for him, just for you to be right in front of him to see his scoff up close. ah, not to mention that one time you overheard yukimiya snickering with his friends about a teacher looking like a turtle. it still keeps him up at night sometimes.

yukimiya knows that it's impossible to keep up his smile all the time, but at the very least, he wants you to always see him smiling, so he makes sure to try extra hard whenever you're around. or at least whenever he thinks you're around.

it's one of those days when everything is just a little too much to bear, so yukimiya excuses himself from soccer training to catch a breath in a corner of the school compound, hidden from view behind a vending machine. but of course, it's just his luck that you happen to use the one next to him, out of all the vending machines in the school. he brushes off your concern when you ask why he's crouched on the ground, and he slaps on a smile as he tries to distract you with some small talk. yet, you seem unconvinced, so you buy him a drink and crouch next to him.

when itoshi sae loves you, he finally stops settling for less. his eyes glow with a newfound passion to no longer stay beaten down by the world, but break the limits he set on himself. he puts in the work to become the best he could be, to become the person you deserve, to become irreplaceable, at least in your eyes. sae builds himself up to one day fulfil the dream he once forgotten; he builds you up to surpass anything you ever thought you were capable of. he melds and meshes your strengths together and shapes your contours into his, and his into yours. with you by his side, sae forges the path ahead, paves it prettily so you don't ever have to suffer.

when itoshi rin loves you, all his walls crumble. the ice in his eyes melt and the sharp edge of his voice dulls. the insistent, relentless thrum of his heart slows, but his footsteps towards you thunder nonetheless. rin stops looking down from above; he lets himself come close enough to take apart and internalize every inch of you. he drops his lofty speech and lowers his prideful ego, obedient only to your beck and call. the podium under his feet disintegrates and he falls down his priority list, just a notch. with you by his side, rin tears away the bits of himself he plasters on for others to see and strips down his bells and whistles—for you, he is only ever just himself.

he didn't respond to your discord invite to call, nor did he even see your message asking to game. although you initially suspected he was ghosting you, you come to realise that he hasn't even been logging in to any of his games, which meant he hadn't been gaming at all. when a week passes and it's still radio silence from hiori, you get worried. you regret not asking him a little more about himself, because how useful can knowing he's from the kansai region be if something bad actually happened to him?

your friends thank reo, giggle about his nice car, and coo about how lucky you are. in response, you slur, "right? reo is the best. i'm the luckiest person on earth to have him as my best friend!", and fall asleep once it's just the two of you left in the car.

reo turns up the heater and lowers the intensity of the massager built into the passenger seat, just how he knows you like it. the rest of the car ride is silent, and reo starts to think.

he thinks about how you always grab onto his hand in crowded areas, how you're never afraid of asking him for help, how you never shy away from comforting and accepting him even when he tells you about his mistakes. he thinks about how your judgement of him has never once been clouded by his wealth and status, how you're always willing to call him out on his bratty ways and tease him for his sheltered upbringing, how you never fail to challenge him and push him out of his comfort zone. he thinks about how your friends trust him just as much as you do, how even nagi is willing to get out of bed to help you when reo's unable to, how his parents stopped setting him up on blind dates after seeing the way he smiles around you.

he thinks about you, and all the memories you've shared, and of the future together that you occasionally discuss. he thinks about how well your hand fits into his, how well you fit into his life. he thinks about how everything has always been given to him on a diamond platter, but despite his ability to get everything he wants, you still sit in his passenger seat, less than an arm's length away and out of reach.

you were given a seat free upgrade, and somehow, you end up on the other side of the aisle from the famous footballer. you try not to stare, you really do, but it's your first time being this close to a celebrity, much less one who was so unfairly attractive, so you forgive yourself for being this starstruck. you thank every god out there that he's fast asleep so he doesn't notice you looking.

what you don't realise is itoshi sae himself, all pride and ego, is also stealing glances at you while you slept peacefully, curled into your seat. he's met models, actresses, pretty daughters of important figures, which is why he finds your serene, unguarded expression all the more intriguing.

instead, sae brings you comfort in other ways. he holds your hand in silence while you cry and supplies you with tissues and hugs until your breathing evens out and you fall asleep in his arms. he wakes up even earlier than his stupid athlete schedule dictates to make you a bento on days he knows you're sure to forget about lunch, because your schedule is equally as packed as his, if not more. he keeps a hand on the small of your back when you're in an overly crowded place and uses his coldest stare to ward off unwanted attention. he 'forgets' his shirt at home when he leaves for a match overseas, and never fails to bring back a souvenir for you when he returns.

the memories flood back when you see his number in your call log—the number you've memorised by heart and the number you couldn't bear to block, so you settled on deleting his contact when the relationship ended. you remember the nights you spent in his arms surrounded by his scent, the unintentional jokes he'd crack, and the obnoxious neon turquoise post-its he'd leave around the house for you to find when he was out of the country for a game.

you remember the knife through your heart when he told you he didn't want to be held back by you any longer.