#em blogs

kind of.

it's been a year since i've been on here and i'm at an entirely different place in my life. i won't bore the probably two people who will read this with the gory details, but i'll catch you up to speed:

i've gone through two moves in two different states. got back on adderall. tried to get back into writing, failed. tried to get back into reading fantasy, failed. for a while, i could only stomach non-fiction. then, i rented a cabin in the woods for a month to clear my head. stood barefoot in a creek. built a hammock in June and read my first fiction book of the year in it whilst eating a sack of oranges. realised life is complex and messy. got orange juice all over the pages. hated coming back to reality. got really angry at the world with a perpetual aching knot in my throat. started practicing mild witchcraft (mainly just a lot of bumbling awkwardly around my local mystic shop in a way that conveys i'm not well-versed in this shit please take pity on me and tell me the difference between these two crystals because AI has fucked with the researchability of coveted stones). you know, just late 20's things 😙✌️

anyways, i'm back and worse than ever! that's dramatic. i'm not worse than ever, i think i'm just changed. change has always been hard for me to accept. i'm always digging my fingers into the vestiges of my old self, but she slips through them like a handful of days or a dream after waking. gone. there's always blood underneath my nails to remind me, though.

as for this blog, i think i'll still do bookish things on here. you could never quell my love of a good yarn, even if i've been neglecting the genre of late. i'll try to be better about that. in terms of writing, who knows! i don't want to put too much pressure on myself to continue, but i don't want to rule it out either. i want to rent another cabin in the woods and feel inspired again but ya know. money.

so i hope you're all well, and that you've been braving the storm of the precisely 84 years of this past year (jesus fucking christ).

i love you, stay spooky 🦇🖤🩶🤍

I need help.

Since Friday, December 22, 2023, my mom has been in ICU on life support due to pneumonia and a couple complications. Seven days in and it’s still too early to say what will happen, what kind of support she’ll need, or when our new normal will settle into a rhythm.

Currently we’re fortunate to have her job still providing pay and I believe I’ve figured out a work schedule for myself around her current care after New Years, but there’s so much unknown about upcoming expenses and medical bills.

My mom is the only family I have.

I had the most wonderful pleasure of reading @landrybrennan’s first book in her new Trailhead series, Take It Outside. Short review? Stop what you’re doing a go read it! In more words, I literally could not put it down, like read 410 pages after a 9 hour work day couldn't put down. What a great read and that’s coming from a girl that reads 99% fic.

It's a steamy LGTBQ+ romance with incredibly real characters that Landry is able to immerse the reader not only in the story but also Los Angeles and WeHo. It's a breathtaking story of love and loss and how those parts of life intersect again and again.

I first met Beau when he danced with Eddie as mentioned in Landry’s dedication. From the first scenes of Beau’s interactions, I knew his story was one worth knowing. I remember asking about Beau and the latest snippets or wip lines several times. This original work made me love Beau all the more and added Darren, Levi, Adrian, and the rest of those who call Trailhead a safe space a place in my heart.

The love and grief being so ever-present on the page resonated with me deeply. One time I had to pause reading because I was emotional. There are multitudes of feeling that are woven throughout.