DA:I Companions and Their Chances of Being Eaten by Hannibal Lecter
Cassandra: Ā Probably wonāt be eaten, due to Hannibalās Do-You-Remind-Me-Of-My-Mom variance; sheās driven, blunt but sincere, and receptive to courtesy. Ā Hannibal would like her, which might be worse than not being liked, given his track record with people he actually likes.
Leliana: Ā Would almost definitely be eaten. Ā Too much interesting stuff under all that red hair, but not enough to merit her survival. Ā Heād play with his food, but it would get eaten in the end, essentially.
Josephine: Ā Hannibal would consider it rude to eat someone so genuinely courteous and sincere. Ā Neither is she interesting enough to merit being eaten. Ā Josie is probably the safest from Hannibal Lecter you can get without being Clarice Starling. Ā He does like her, though.
Cullen: Ā Ok now this one is gonna be kinda 50/50 because the answer depends entirely on two major mitigating factors: first, the amount of access to Cullenās psyche, and second, Cullenās receptibility to Hannibalās inevitable fucking around in his head. Ā See, one of Hannibalās favorite flavors is trauma, and a man like Cullen ā having deep fractures in his psyche besides grappling with his own moral compass ā would be absolutely delectable to Hannibal. Ā Depending on these two variances, Cullen rides the tipping point for Hannibal between being Interesting Enough To Eat and Too Interesting To Eat. Ā If the latter, the fate of poor Curly would be arguably worse: Hannibalās curiosity is even more destructive than his appetite.
Varric: Ā Hannibal would rather not have to kill Varric. Ā If he did, he would consider it a shame. Ā Unfortunately, Varric can get a little nosy, and there stands the chance that he might find out too much, and that would be the end of him. Ā At the very least, Hannibal would be honored to eat him, should that occur.
Dorian: Ā Keep Dorian away from Hannibal Lecter. Ā Remember what I said about trauma being one of Hannibalās favorite things? Ā Doubly so for family related trauma. Ā Hannibal wouldnāt just eat Dorian, heād break him, glue him together, then break him again, feed him oysters, and then eat him.
Sera: Ā Definitely would be eaten by Hannibal. Ā Justā¦sheād be swine to him. Ā Sera is just so much of what Hannibal considers to be ugly ā vulgar, rude, arrogant, constantly pranking people, etc. Ā Sheād be finger food. Ā Likeā¦an appetizer. Ā Thatās how much Hannibal would be offended.
Blackwall: Ā Again, hard to say. Ā Itās possible, but most likely he would be considered Not Interesting Enough to Eat, and since Blackwallās generally courteous and such he might be in the safe zone. Ā Of course, Hannibal might be able to amuse himself picking at the whole Rainier Revelation for a bit, but honestly heād find it boring very quickly. Ā Really, he would only kill Blackwall out of boredom, if at all.
Vivienne: Ā Hannibal would 100% most definitely eat Vivienne de Fer. Ā She is everything he likes in a victim: high-class, elegant, beautiful, ambitious, steely, and uses courtesy as a weapon. Ā Being insincerely polite is on equal standing to being rude in Hannibalās mind, so Hannibal would eat her and make a grand spectacle of it. Ā You can bet sheād wind up an entrĆ©e in a five course dinner party given by Hannibal for some of her closest Court associates. Ā That being said, Hannibal wins The Game by default because he does this kind of shit.
Cole: Ā KEEP COLE AWAY FROM HANNIBAL LECTER PLEASE. Ā IT WOULD BE A BAD TIME. Ā WOULDNāT BE EATEN. Ā WORSE THAN BEING EATEN.
Iron Bull: Ā Againā¦ehhhhh Bull is so straightforward thereās not much Hannibal would be interested in about Bull. Ā He might find Bull rude occasionally, which could merit a place on his table, but itās only a medial chance.
Solas: Ā Mannnn I donātā¦.I just donāt fucking know about this one. Ā Probably not eaten, but then Solas has this thing where, like, he knows everything but wants to play it like he doesnāt but he Does. Ā At the same time, Hannibal knows everything because just knowing everything is a state of being for Hannibal The Cannibal. Ā So likeā¦.Solas is super interesting??? Ā And maybe not to be eaten??? Ā Solas is very polite, true, but he can be catty. Ā Heās racist, too, which Hannibal is like āsometimes that counts as rude and sometimes it doesnāt.ā Ā So???? Idk man itās not super likely but you never know ācause Hannibal could decide he just wants to eat him out of respect for him. Ā Because that is also a thing he would do.
This is your fault somehow. Ā Youāre welcome.
DA:I Companions and Their Chances of Being Eaten by Hannibal Lecter