#elvendignityintatters

I have not heard of the ‘Lindircident.’ And yet, even as I say this, I am filled with a deep, instinctual dread. 😐

For experience has taught me that when my name is attached to an "incident," it is rarely a good thing. It is never, say, "The Lindir Grand Appreciation Festival," or "The Day Everyone Was Very Nice to Lindir."

No, it is always some cursed, absurd, and entirely undeserved ordeal that I have either suffered through or—worse—been accused of causing.

So tell me, dear inquirer. What tragic, embarrassing, or utterly ridiculous tale has now become legend in my name? What fresh chaos has the world woven around me, like some twisted bard’s ballad I did not consent to be part of?

Was it the Great Glorfindel Debacle, wherein I was once again mistaken for him despite having precisely none of his ridiculous golden locks? (I swear, if one more traveler asks me for battle advice, I shall scream.)

Was it the Unfortunate Music Critique, in which I politely informed a certain lord that his ‘singing’ could, in fact, summon fell beasts? (I stand by this assessment.)

Or—Valar help me—was it The Incident That Shall Not Be Named? The one involving an excessively dramatic cloak flourish, a miscalculated turn, and a series of events that led to an entire table of diplomatic documents being upended into a fountain? (It was not my fault. The floor was slippery. And no, I shall not elaborate further.)

care to elaborate Lindir?

...

also what do elves call their friends who live by the sea?

watermellons

Ah, the "Chaotic Assistants’ Group Chat—a place of both great suffering and camaraderie", where we, the overworked and underappreciated, gather to vent, strategize, and occasionally witness the slow decline of our collective sanity.

The core members include myself, Meludir, Haldir, and Eredin and so many more other assistants. We keep records, organize, and attempt to maintain order amidst the noble chaos that is our respective realms. Also complain.

A lot.

Glorfindel has been known to storm in uninvited, offering unsolicited (but admittedly useful) advice before inevitably being removed—usually by Haldir, who has a zero-tolerance policy for unserious distractions when we are mid-crisis. This does not, however, deter Glorfindel, as he will return under a new name (GoldenLord420 was his most recent attempt), pretending to be a new member until someone—usually Eredin—panics and gives him away.

Eredin, in particular, is our designated worrier and often the voice of reason. He once spent an entire afternoon reminding Meludir to actually tag his reports so they could be filed correctly, only for Glorfindel to edit the chat name to “Chaotic Filing And The Art of Suffering” in retaliation. I fear the name has stuck.

We also maintain a separate, unofficial moral support group for the assistants of Thranduil, as they are in the unique position of handling a king who could, at any moment, react to a minor inconvenience with the grace of a poet or the wrath of a dragon.

Sometimes, all we can do is light a candle for them and hope for the best.

And as for your sea-dwelling friends pun…

You have chosen to test me.