The water was hot, just the way he liked it, but he couldnāt relax, his body still shook, the trembling having nothing to do with the temperature. Saeran sat in the middle of the large tub, his knees under his chin. Maybe a bath was not a good idea. It only brought back memories of the last one heād had. Saeyoung had been bathing him, like a child. But then, he supposed that he had been acting like one since he came to live with his brother.
Heād run the wash cloth down his back, slowly. Then down his chest, down to his waist. Saeran had lain back, enjoying the feel of his strokes. Before he knew it, heād had an erection and Saeyoung had stopped washing him. Saeran opened his eyes and saw Saeyoungās glued to the tip of his cock floating above the water. He licked his lips but then turned away. Saeran sat up quickly, hiding himself and screaming at Saeyoung to get out. There had been too many of those instances over the last year. He wondered sometimes at the look in Saeyoungās eyes, was the same one in his?
He also wondered at how easily it was for him to think of his brother that way. Had it been up to him alone, they would have ended up in bed together already. But Saeyoung was catholic and things like this were a sin, werenāt they? Although as far as he could tell, his brother committed plenty of sins. Saeyoung had spent more time in a civilized society where those taboos were more fully engraineded. Saeran hadnāt been so lucky.
He lay his cheek on his knee, his hands paddling in the water. He remembered the one kiss theyād had. Saeyoung had run away from him after it. But Saeran still recalled the warm breath theyād shared. He still felt Saeyoungās fingers digging into his hips, the taste of his tongue, the silkiness of his skin under his shirt.
He sighed at the memory, not even trying to push it away. He should feel bad, but he didnāt. He loved Saeyoung. He was the only person heād ever loved. The only one who understood him, the only one who cared enough about him. The past year had been difficult, but, Saeyoung had never given up on him. He knew Saeyoung held some of the same feelings, but he tried to push them away. To stay nothing more than a brother and a friend. Saeran respected his decision and had not pressed the issue, especially after the kiss. But he wanted more. He wanted to truly be one with Saeyoung. He felt the tears roll down his cheeks, his body shivering again. He knew it wouldnāt be long before he would be a sobbing, uncontrollable mess.
He reached for the pills on the edge of the tub, Saeyoung had set them there before leaving. He opened them and fished one out. When he tried to put the bottle back, his had shook and the bottle fell to the floor, scattering the rest of his pills everywhere, the one in his hand fell into the water. He began to panic, trying to grab the pill, he became frantic., thrashing in the water. Saeyoung opened the door and sped to Saeranās side. He grabbed a pill from the floor and shoved it in his brotherās mouth, then held him until he visibly calmed. Saeran lay his head on Saeyoungās chest and sobbed quietly.
Saeyoung was soaked from the waist up. He took his shirt off and tossed it to the floor. He wanted to gather the pills, but Saeran still needed him. He felt a flush wash over his body as he felt Saeranās lips pressed against his chest. He held him loosely, but Saeran clung to him. Before long Saeran calmed enough to stop crying. He pulled away from Saeyoung and stared up at him with desperation.
Saeyoung tried to bury the feeling rising in his body. The heat that always infused him when Saeran looked at him a certain way. Which was all the time if he was honest. He closed his eyes and swallowed.
āIām sorry.ā Saeran whispered and settled back into the tub. Saeyoung hated seeing him like this, but he couldnāt give Saeran what he wanted. It was wrong. It was sinful. It wasā¦.
He reached out and stroked Saeranās still dry hair, had he just been sitting in the water like this the whole time? He saw how his brotherās body relaxed under his touch. He tangled his fingers in his hair and ran them through the strands. Saeran sighed. Saeyoung couldnāt see his face but he knew there must be a flicker of a smile. His hand slid out of his hair, down his neck and across his shoulders. The nerves in his fingertips prickling with electricity. Saeyoung closed his eyes and groaned.
Suddenly he remembered the taste of Saeranās mouth, the feel of his hands under his shirt, heād been shaken by how much he had wanted to continue that contact. He had flown away from his brother as if from a fire. And he hadnāt been that far wrong, giving in would burn them both. He tried to remove his hand from his brother but it was difficult. He opened his eyes and saw that he had turned to face him, his cheek on his knees, his hands floating on the surface of the water. There was so much behind his brotherās eyes.
āSaeran.ā Saeyoung whispered. He gave him a small smile and raised his head, leaning towards him, but refraining from touching him. Saeyoungās other hand lifted to run the back of his fingers across his jawline. Saeran breathed out heavily and closed his eyes, his mouth falling open, the tip of his tongue visible behind his teeth.
Saeyoung leaned over and his lips hovered above Saeranās. He still hadnāt moved, letting Saeyoung decide what happened next. Their lips touched and Saeran gasped. Saeyoungās hand moved to the back of Saeranās neck and he pressed their lips together roughly, biting Saeranās lower lip and sucking on his tongue when it flicked into his mouth. It was warm, it was wet, it was safe. He pulled away suddenly and Saeran was afraid that he would run again, but he didnāt. He still sat on the edge of the tub.
āSaeranā¦ā he breathed heavily, his forehead against Saeranās.
Saeran took the chance and placed his palms against Saeyoungās bare chest, feeling the rapid beating of his heart. He turned so that he faced his brother completely. He kissed his cheek, moving closer to his mouth. Saeyoung didnāt retreat. Finally, their lips met again, this time Saeyoung pulled Saeran half out of the tub, crushing Saeranās hands between them.
āThis wonāt end well.ā Saeyoung heaved when they broke apart to take a much-needed breath.
āI donāt care.ā Was Saeranās immediate answer.
āWeāll have to keep it secret, from everyone!ā
āThat suits me fine. I donāt like other people anyway.ā He smiled, running his fingers across Saeyoungās chest.
Saeyoung huffed, but his head was clearer. It wasnāt ideal, but heād made a decision, no use worrying about the consequences. Love was love, right? He loved Saeran, always had, he had always been the only person he had allowed himself to love. Even Rika and V had not received his unconditional love. Not like Saeran. And now they were together again. He would take care of him like he said he would. It was them against the world.
He stood and took his pants off, once naked, he stepped into the tub behind Saeran and pulled him back against him. Saeran lay his head on his shoulder and looked up at his brother with a radiant smile.
