#ellen ball

The thing I have struggled with the most since become a teenager is, I’ve realised, being a people pleaser. I hate that I care about what other people think, especially when objectively I know most of the time a lot of the people I’m so eager to please really aren’t worth the effort. I find myself constantly asking myself why? Why do you care? Why make the effort for the good opinion of someone who couldn’t care less about you? It’s something I have consciously tried to stop, but it’s a very slow process; hopefully one day I’ll get there.

I wasn’t always this way - my parents will tell you that when I was younger, I really didn’t care about what other people thought. I was a force to be reckoned with; no threats, no bargaining, no amount of reverse psychology could bend my will. As the kids say these days: I was doing me (don’t worry, I hate me, too). If you didn’t like it, well, that was your problem. I didn’t care at all. Don’t get me wrong, I was still a kind, considerate kid (my mother’s words, not my own). But if you didn’t make a good impression on me, I didn’t care what you thought. Life was that simple. What I wouldn’t give to go back to being four years old.

So, what changed? I don’t think there was one defining moment, but school definitely had something to do with it. My mum said she would drive past the preschool and see me watching the other kids playing (yes, pity poor four-year-old me). I think eventually the pressures of friendship groups and the schoolyard politics that come into play made me care a little too much about other people. I started to trying to please everyone. Which, big shock here, never works out.

So, I’m a people pleaser. What do I do about it? Should I throw caution to the wind and just say screw it? Well, no. That’s probably not the best idea. That’s how I end up unemployed and alone. Oh, wait. Moving swiftly on… 

There are definitely people in our lives that we should try to impress, although not at the expense of our own happiness. There are good, genuine people out there that you shouldn’t take advantage of. These are the people that care about what you think of them in return, and they will make your life better, lighter, easier. Well, as easy as life can be. Treat them kindly.

But some people really don’t deserve the time you spend on them, and you shouldn’t care what they think of you. Easier said than done, I know. But you can’t please everyone, a phrase which has recently become my mantra. Ultimately, your piece of mind and happiness are more important than the opinion of others.

So, first of all, can we just acknowledge that we actually have made it to blog number ten? That is ten weeks' worth of blogs. It may not sound like a long time, but I honestly thought it would last a week before I couldn't think of anything to write. I am very proud of the fact that I have held this commitment (but I'm surprised anyone is still actually reading them!) “Uh, Ellen, it's ten weeks - that's not even three months”, I hear you say, but I'm still proud. It's been a positive experience writing these, and I hope it has been for you reading them as well.

But I am weary of the fact that you still may not know that much about me. Yes, last week I spoke of some of my insecurities, but you may still finding yourself wondering "who is this crazy rambling person on the internet?" So I thought I would give you a few facts about myself. You didn’t ask for it, but you’re getting it anyway.

I am a pescatarian (meaning I don't eat meat, but I do eat fish). I've been one for about a year and a half now, and while I love being a pescatarian, I will never be someone who forces their preferences on other people. I don't care if you eat meat. Hey, I even cook the turkey when I host friendmas every year.

I love lists - weird, I know. My phone has three organisational apps, my favourite of which is wanderlust. It keeps all my lists in one place, and since I've been using it (for about a year now) I remember so much more than I used to. (Disclaimer this is not an add for any apps, you probably guessed that as no one is reading this blog so who would pay me to advertise anything but I still thought it needed to be said)

I can speak danish and have a Danish passport.

I want an Australian sheepdog so freakin' much!, I spend my spare time looking at pictures of them on the internet. Sad, I know, but while I’m still renting I don't see myself getting one anytime soon.

I'm fairly certain I have an addiction to candles. I go through about 20 tea lights a night, and then have about 5 bigger ones around my flat. 

I have a an irrational fear of Cephalopods (Squids and Octupuses) Hear me out: they are really intelligent, and have you ever see the colossal squid? That is TERRIFYING. Google it. Google it right now and tell me you're okay with that. Now that fear isn't the irrational part; I actually think its very rational to be scared of these monsters. The irrational part is that I feel that if I eat them, such as having calamari, they will know when I swim in the sea and will kill me. Yes, I know. I did say it was irrational. Moving swiftly on.

I read a lot. If I'm not super busy I will read about a book a week. I'm super picky with what I read, but I enjoy both fiction and nonfiction. I actually just bought a book on stoicism that I'm excited to read. I’m not trying to sound smart or anything, my book choices definitely haven't all been winners (cough Fifty Shades of Grey cough).

I can lick my elbow. It's pretty cool. 

I was created by IVF, making me a ‘test tube baby’. I've always found it pretty cool that my parents wanted me so badly, also I enjoy telling people a team of scientists made me. Kinda like I'm a superhero with no discernible powers, except licking my elbow. There is that. 

I've been thinking about life recently. Not in a morbid, depressing way; I've been thinking about living your best life, making the most of each day and all that jazz.

I'm not exactly the poster child for living my life to the fullest; it would be pretty hypocritical of me to sit and lecture you all without owning up to the fact that I do procrastinate certain things, most of which include dealing with other humans: complaining about a service, cancelling a service, or calling up the bank. I will clean the whole apartment and organise my dvd’s before I do any of these things, and I don't think that will really change. I've been quite lucky in the sense I never really put off my work, because not being prepared stresses me out so much that I normally give myself a lot of time to learn my lines. 

But these little things can pile up, and although they might seem little at first, having to do them all at once can be jarring. I’m not trying to lecture you into cleaning up your house; the only flat I care about being clean is my own. But putting off lots of little things can these thing can affect your quality of life, especially if you have to deal with a lot at once.

I am a huge believer that putting positivity into your life will always bring positive results. Okay, they may not always be the results you wanted and might take longer to come than you expected, but they do come. So what are we waiting for? There is never enough time, and there won't be more in a few months - so take positive action! If you keep promising yourself that you will do it soon, there's a good chance you will keep putting it off until it's too late. Not to be morbid, but it's true.

What I'm trying to say is that you should do the thing you’ve been putting off, that thing you've always said you will do in the future, or in a few months, or when things start to calm down a little for you. I've got some bad news for you: life never calms down. It could be that thing you've always wanted to do, like learn a language, or it could be life changing, like quitting your job (although if you're reading this, I'm not telling you to just up and quit your job. I don't need that on my conscience). But if there is something that has been holding you back, something that has become that hurdle that you keep putting off, it's time to take a running leap and jump over it.

Whether its something you've always wanted to do or the thing you’ve been dreading, just do it. You won't regret it. The time is never right, so the time is now.