#elirk

her deer makeup is a bit smudged as she exits royal that night. she yawns, stretching a bit before getting to her car. hailey isn’t sure about what she’s doing at home, besides skyping with eli. he seemed like he really, really wanted to have a videocall with her and seeing how lonely she was now that naeun was gone, there were no complaints whatsoever.  despite everything, she wears a smile on her face because it’s Halloween, and she has candy and cupcakes and a not-so-scary horror movie (because she could never bear to watch the really scary ones).

her plans weren’t great, but she was sure to have a good time.

she was pissed so it was a good thing she had taekwondo classes that day. there were too many things going on her life and they all happened at the same time. joohyun was suddenly reconsidering her options. of course, she still loved kt entertainment and still thought that going that was a good idea. however, seeing her new interests, her eyes were looking more towards trc. sooyoung seemed to be enjoying her time there, so joohyun thought it couldn’t be a bad idea. besides that, there was the fact that her parents were insisting in coming to see her. she wasn’t glad about a potential visit from mr. and mrs. bae. she wasn’t in the mood of forgiving anyone. not even eric who had helped them with their objectives. and of course, there was… zhoumi. she didn’t like to think about that. not very much. every time she thought about his disease and how serious that could be, she got too scared. so whenever she could not think about it, she didn’t.

she was waiting. hailey didn’t want to admit that, not even to herself, but since when she came home from another day at royal entertainment, she had been waiting. no – in fact, hailey was anticipating that time when april was to become may. not just because it was her birthday – well, maybe it was because it was her birthday. but she knew that eli was doing something for her. he always did, since they were very little. he had always been the first to say “happy birthday” to her. so she waited, wondering if he was coming there, in the middle of the night like he used to do. hailey couldn’t even be seated, so she anxiously walked around the apartment. looking at the time, a smile was on her lips. now, any minute. she actually ran to the door, peeking the hallway to see if eli was somewhere to be found. but no.

that was weird.

her eyebrows came together. that was unusual. maybe he was just late? but again, that was weird. eli was never late when it came to things like that. hailey took a deep breath. maybe she was just spoiled. no, definitely she was spoiled. and she couldn’t ask anything from him. trying to shake off the disappointment, hailey got her phone, heart racing when she saw the icon of a voicemail. hailey quickly tapped it, taking the phone to her ear. his voice calmed her down and the trainee sat down on the couch, listening to his words. suddenly, she sees just how much she was sacrificing by signing that contract. she had barely seen her childhood friend since she came back to korea. tears ran down her cheeks while her feelings were still mixed. she cried because she missed him, because his words were touching and because she wasn’t listening to that in person.

it was no secret that hailey wasn’t in her best days. her energy seemed drained, her bright smile lost its light. her eyes would be mostly wet or staring at nowhere in particular. lost. she felt lost in the mix of feelings inside of her. they were foreign for she never allowed them to show. they were always there, just beneath her skin, but hailey had never let them come to the surface. now they were there, exposed as bruised flesh, and the girl didn’t know how to deal with them. she had never felt the urge to deal with her feelings, rather, she would ignore the hurt and go on with her life. but that was way too painful, way too great for her to simply walk away from it. and she tried! oh, she tried. for years, she avoided talking and thinking about it, fearing what it could unleash.

and she was right to fear it for the pain she was feeling was way too overwhelming for her to ignore it.

eli invited her to stay with him for some time. she agreed gladly. hailey usually tried to be bright as usually around her friends, but at some point, she was tired of suppressing her sadness. so right now, she was sitting on eli’s bed, chewing on some snack they had while shaking slightly her head in the rhythm of the song playing. she was comfortable enough around him so she didn’t have to pretend. they fell in silence, but it wasn’t unpleasant. they were close enough to enjoy each other’s company without having to talk. hailey only blinked as eli got up and came in her direction when the song changed. her brows came together as she looked curiously at him. and then he asked her to dance with him.

at first, hailey was hesitant, but she decided to give it a shot. they weren’t the greatest dancers, but they could at least have fun. her first steps while holding onto eli’s arms were just as careful as baby’s steps. but after sometime, she would let go of her worries. in his guide, she spun around and then came back. her head was thrown back as she laughed for the first time of the day. soon, hailey was spinning and dancing excitedly, letting chuckles fall from her lips. and while she spun, she felt her happiness returning to her. hailey felt warm and comforted. they danced stupidly to the song, not caring of being careful or graceful. they were just having fun, enjoying the time they had together.

joohyun blinked, looking at the screen of her cellphone. she looked for the calendar app and then looked at the day. march 29th. oh. she was turning 18 that day and she had completely forgotten about it. joohyun was surprised that eli remembered that it was her birthday. but again, social media could’ve warned him. 

“oppa!” her excited voice sounded as she openedthe door of her new apartment. it was weird to think of it as hers since it always has been just nina’s, but she was living there now. a big smile came to her lips as she threw herself on his neck, hugging him tight. “i’m so glad you could come” she said, still glued to his neck. it had been sometime she actually hugged her friend like this. they faced some things that threw off their balance, but hailey wouldn’t see that they’re not still on their feet. it was funny, if she was to think about it – their crisis were because they were afraid to lose each other. for a long time, eli was everything she had. he was all her support, the only person that really cared about her. hailey was terrified of losing him, just the thought of him leaving her life being enough to bring tears to her eyes. letting go of eli after a long time, she decided that no crying was allowed. they were going to have fun.

her feet seemed slow in comparison with the tears running down her face. hailey had given up and stopped trying to wipe them, letting them blur her way on the street. she didn’t know where she was going, she just wanted to go away - as far away from eli and from the feelings she kept inside her for so long. hailey knew she was probably overreacting, but seeing eli involved with drugs triggered painful memories. she remembered aiden, those red eyes of him, telling her that she had nothing to worry about. and then she remembered aiden’s mother shakily telling her on the phone that aiden died of overdose. it was so much more than what she could take. and right now, she was completely frightened. what would she do if the same fate was to happen to eli? how could she be sane again?