Eli made no sound as he fell. He twisted in the air once, arms flailing, plummeting towards the water rushing up to meet him.

It all happened within the space of a few heartbeats, and yet he felt as if he were suspended in time until each moment became a succession of frames, played out in slow motion.

Eli’s reflection surged up to meet him. Is eyes were like two sightless orbs - the eyes of a corpse. Its eyes were the moon, reflected in the water. Water silk fingered the surface with its tendrils, reaching out to grasp him and pull him down into the depths.

In the split instant before the plunge, Eli greeted his reflection like an old friend who had always been there, one step behind, and had finally caught up with him. It showed him the way.

There was no panic, and only a remote feeling of regret: most of all he felt...

...relief.

Time passed. Eli had no idea how late it was but he thought it must’ve been past midnight; he measured time by the amount of drink he had left in his bottle.

He told himself alcohol helped, but it didn’t really. It just amplified everything even while it dulled his senses. Free from their restraints, the ghosts of his past crowded in on him, tormenting him with what-ifs and regrets, parading each of his mistakes before his bleary eyes.

More and more, a certainty was crystallising within Eli’s mind: it would never get any better. 

He’d lost it all: his dream, his passion, now his family. For a long time, Abby and the kids had been his rock, even when it didn’t feel like it, even when he felt lost and directionless, but now he knew what it was like to be truly alone.

Tears stung his eyes and trickled down his cheeks.

The last bottle clinked empty on the grass. Eli staggered to his feet, his head swimming and his stomach heaving, but didn’t move. He stared down at his reflection in the pond, distorted by the water’s movement. There was only a dark, indistinct shape, but the more he stared, the more Eli felt like it was a completely separate entity, lurking underwater, watching him with its dead gaze. 

He barked a laugh: he was going insane! Or was just really, really drunk.

Eli blinked, trying to clear his vision, fascinated by his reflection which oozed hypnotically with each ripple: a drowned, rotten thing leering up at him from the mossy depths.

He pitched forward...

The following days, weeks passed in a blur. Time seemed to bleed into itself, stretching interminably - Eli hardly noticed - or cared - where he was and what he was doing. 

The doors to Fit Factory remained closed indefinitely. 

At home, things were tense- after establishing how they’d share household duties going forward, Abby behaved as if he didn’t exist. She only acknowledged his presence when he spoke to her directly, and always with a stony expression on her face.

Louis avoided him, giving him furtive, haunted looks that sometimes seemed to leave a little opening for conversation, but Eli had no idea how to begin. What could he say? “I didn’t think, I just did it, even though I knew it was wrong and could destroy our family” didn’t really cut it.

Eleanor wouldn’t even return his calls; from the very beginning she had been firmly on Abby’s side. 

He was too ashamed to talk to his sister, and didn’t really want to burden her with his problems anyway.

So, Eli spent a lot of time outdoors, just putting one foot in front of the other. Often, he drank.

Not for the first time, he had been drinking steadily since noon and was on his last two bottles as he settled himself down next to the pond in the deserted park.

The breeze swept across his skin, a chill still clinging to winter. Spring came late to Walden, but the park was beautiful no matter the season.

Peaceful. He listened to the gentle lapping of the water against the banks.

Eli wished he could drink it all in, let it drown out the screaming inside his head.

Eleanor: “Hey, hey, it’s okay! I’m here now!”

Louis: “ - and she said they’d stay together but they hate each other now and I didn’t understand everything but I think dad cheated on mom and-”

Eleanor: “We’ll figure it out together. MOM! DAD! GET IN HERE RIGHT NOW!”

It wasn’t long before their parents appeared, looking almost sheepish. Eleanor was furious.

Eleanor: “Would you mind explaining what the hell is going on?! Louis heard you having a fight and now he’s freaking out!”

Abby gritted her teeth; this was not how she’d wanted to break the news to the children. It was her fault, she ought to have checked where Louis was before having a go at Eli.

Abby: “You shouldn’t have had to hear that, Louis; I’m sorry. We were going to explain everything as soon as we’d decided what to do next. There is...no easy way to say this, I’m afraid: your father has been having an affair with Micah Hansen.”

Eleanor: “WHAT?!”

Louis: “You mean that guy from the gym? Who wanted to be my personal trainer?”

Abby: “The very same. I found out yesterday, by pure chance.”

Eleanor: “And - what are you going to do now? Louis says you’re not breaking up -”

Abby: “No. Not officially, anyway. Your father has agreed to do his duty by his family, but that doesn’t mean I forgive him. He’s still your father, and always will be, but the trust I had in him is gone.”

Eli stared desperately at the shocked faces of his children, who were looking at him like he had just sprouted a set of horns or maybe an extra head. He could feel them withdrawing from him, freezing him out.

Louis: “This isn’t happening...”

Eleanor: “Dad, how could you?!”

She was ready to talk to him at last - Eli saw it as an encouraging sign. He’d had enough time to think and had come to the conclusion that he didn’t want to lose Abby - the passion may have gone from their marriage, but the life they’d built together was the most precious thing left to him. He’d already lost his purpose in life, he couldn’t lose his family as well!

Eli: “Abby, I’m so sorry! Please believe me! I know it sounds like a copout, but I never meant for it to go so far, it just...happened! Hurting you was never my intention though, I love you...”

Eli swept towards his wife, making like he was about to put his arms around her. Abby stiffened and pushed him away.

Abby: “Save your breath, Eli; I’m not here to listen to your excuses. And please don’t touch me.”

Eli shrank back as if she had slapped him, and gave her a pleading look: was she about to - no! She couldn’t!

Abby: “Here is how it’s going to be: you are going to do the right thing for once in your life. You are going to stand by your family and do your best to fix the mess you’ve made, but make no mistake, Eli: our relationship is over. We will remain married and co-parent Louis, but that is all.”

Eli: “I don’t understand...”

Abby: “Then let me make it perfectly clear: you betrayed me. Twice. Once I chose to forgive you, thinking you were a victim, but this time it’s different. You did what you did willingly and kept it hidden for months. You are a coward and a liar but I won’t let you just walk away from the consequences of your actions.”

Eli’s anger flared, drowning his guilt: how dare she! After all he’d lost! A coward?! A coward would have ended it then and there, but he had done his best to get on with life, be there for his family - and yes, the affair had been a mistake, but how dare she get all high and mighty when she was only doing this for appearances’ sake! Oh yes, Eli knew what this was about: politics!

Eli: “And if I refuse?”

Abby genuinely looked ready to slap him this time, but he turned his back on her before she could.

Abby: “You are a selfish man, Eli!"

Eli: “And you think everything is up to you, don’t you? That you always know best and damn the rest! Just like you did when you let Larkin lobotomize me - who gave you the right?!”

 Abby was shocked; she couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

Abby: “Would you rather I had let you die?!”

Eli: “It wasn’t your decision to make!”

Abby: “But it was! It was, Eli! You were in no position to make it, so it fell to me! I chose to save you, yes, because you were my husband and I needed you, your children needed you! Are you saying they’re not worth living for?!”

They were...and yet, sometimes, they weren’t. It was not something Eli could ever explain to Abby though, she'd not had her soul ripped out of her, she couldn’t comprehend his loss. A chasm had opened up between them, never to be bridged. 

Eli: “I’ll do what you ask - for them, not you. Only for them!”

Ellie, please get here soon, please oh please, Ellie!

Later...

Abby: “Okay, out with it - and I want the truth this time, Eli! How long has this been going on? How long have we been living a lie?!”

She had found Micah’s bear hidden among the kids’ old toys, Eli knew that now. He cursed himself for keeping the damn thing, but the damage was done.

Eli: “A few months...but - but it’s not like that! There's no lie, Abby, I love you!”

Abby: “Really. You love me so much that you’re sneaking off to Mistvale to fuck someone else!”

Eli: “I - it was the first time we...I mean...we’d never actually...y’know...before...”

Abby: “Well that makes everything so much better! Why, Eli? Am I not enough for you? You...you wanted a man as well, is that what this is about?”

Eli: “What?! No!”

Abby: “Then why? Are you going to claim he’s another fae who’s put a spell on you?”

The mention of fae stung, stoking the flames of Eli’s own anger. She knew what he’d lost, she had been the one to take it from him!

Eli: “You have no idea how I felt, after...I tried to be okay with it, Abby, I tried to move on - but it left behind this huge void that nothing could fill!”

Abby: “So you let Micah ‘fill’ it.”

Eli: “It wasn’t about that! Not really. I just wanted to forget, to feel something other than loss and despair! Micah was there and he was willing, and for a little while I could pretend everything was fine!”

Abby: “What about me? Why couldn’t you come to me, if you were so unhappy?”

Eli: “How could I? You didn’t understand, you thought you’d ‘saved’ me! You couldn’t even see what was right in front of you!”

Snarling, Abby turned her back on her husband before she did something foolish. She was absolutely shaking with anger: what he was suggesting, that maybe she’d been wrong to save his life, that he felt more comfortable taking solace with a guy more than 20 years his junior instead of his own wife, was too much for her to bear.

Eli: “Where are you going?”

Abby: “Out. I need space.”

Eli: “Where does this leave us though?”

Abby: “I don’t know. I - I need to think.”

Although they were both keen to be alone, Eli and Micah had to admit they were also hungry after the trip from Walden, and decided to first share a meal in the near-empty hotel restaurant.

It felt right, wining and dining his date before the big finale, just like he’d done in his youth, before Walden and Larkin Meade and his failed marriage. When he was with Micah, Eli hardly felt the weight of his years, and the dark clouds which always surrounded him lifted a little. Here, where nobody knew them, he could be free.

Micah: “You know, I feel a bit bad about you paying for all of this.”

Eli: “I want to - I already told you that.”

Micah: “I know, but I don’t want you to think I’m some kind of gold-digger.”

Eli: “I don’t think that, Micah.”

Eli was hardly rich enough to attract a gold-digger, although sometimes he did wonder what Micah really wanted from their relationship. He’d already admitted to liking older guys - perhaps it was as simple as that. 

Eli wasn’t about to overthink it - all he wanted was to forget, feel good, pretend for a little while that he was happy. 

He and Micah had done stuff together before, but never gone all the way - this would be their first time. Eli hoped he wasn’t too out of practice, having not been with a man in a long time - but ultimately Micah’s enthusiasm reassured him he was doing just fine.

The following morning, Eli woke up to an empty bed and a text from Micah gushing about the great time they had and apologizing for taking off - he had to be back in Walden for work that morning. 

Pulling himself free of the tangled sheets, in the cold light of day, Eli tried to make sense of his feelings.

He liked Micah - he was fun to be around, had the light-heartedness of youth, but also had a good head on his shoulders, and was a good listener. And, yeah, the sex had been good, but now that it was over, Eli realised it didn’t really make him feel any better. 

The thought of facing his wife made his stomach clench with fear and guilt.

Conducting an affair close to home was practically asking to get caught - particularly when your wife was a well-known public figure. Sneaking off to a different town for some private time with your lover was much safer - and best of all Eli didn’t have to bend the truth too much. 

He’d told Abby that he was going on an overnight trip to Mistvale with his fitness club - he made no secret of the fact that Micah would be there. What Eli didn’t mention was that the two of them were the only members of the “fitness club” and they had no intention of going anywhere near a gym.

They checked into Hotel Ampersand, an old-fashioned little place that looked like it hadn’t been renovated in at least 30 years. The wallpaper was faded, the carpets worn, and there was a faint musty smell in the air - but it was private and not in Walden, which was what mattered.

Eli: “Hello, I’d like to check in. My name is Elijah Smith - I have a reservation.”

Receptionist: “Certainly, Mr. Smith - ah, here it is, double room, yes? First floor, at the top of the stairs and on the right - and here is your key. Welcome to Hotel Ampersand!”

Micah: “Well, here we are!”

Eli: “Here we are.”

Micah: “I’ve been waiting so long for this...Are you okay? You’re not angsting, are you?”

Eli: “I’m great! I have you all to myself, don’t I? Even if it is for just one night.”

Micah: “Then I say we make the most of it.”