#electronicdiary

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It's been a while my dear electronic diary. I'm still not very sure if my life has been interesting enough lately for me to update you with. I just feel like a disappointment coming to you everyday empty handed. I want to be one of those people that live amazing and inspirational experiences as much as I can, but sadly I'm not. I'm just an average girl, going to school, working, falling for someone all wrong for me, and trying to survive in a society where SKINNY is the new black. gross. So in a few days time I'll be leaving for my trip, I'm so excited..maybe that's why I haven't been sleeping well at night...always waking up in the middle of the night, and it's making me irritable! Maybe that's why I've been so cranky and irrational(more than normal) lately. Or maybe I'm missing him more and more each day....NAAAHHHH I shouldn't think like that because I know he isn't missing me. ): But the awful thing about me waking up in the middle of the night so often is the time I wake up at...Always, ALWAYS between 4AM-5AM...which scares me because that's when all those horror movies and such are timed at. Like paranormal activity and amity ville horror...things always happened at ~4AM. And do you remember those chain mails that used to go around when we were kids? The one about the girl that was like tortured or whatever with blood shot eyes, and burning red hair and so on and so forth? Yeah..sadly that's the first thing that pops into my head at night after I wake up and look at the clock, which says 4:25AM. I'd always be too scared to close my eyes..I'd be too scared to open them again and she'd be right in front of my face. GAH I'M SCARING MYSELF ): I wish I could text him and wake him up just so I don't have to be so alone and scared...but I just can't bring myself to do it anymore..and I'm sure he wouldn't want to be woken up just for me. So today I spent the morning with my friend, he took me shopping so I could look for a bathing suit for my trip. I was pretty excited to go because I had found one I really really really adored online at victoria secret. So I was hoping that our stores had it so I didn't have to order..which would have cost tons AND it wouldn't be shipped out until the day I leave for my trip...which would have made ordering the bathing suit pointless. So we go in, and we find something similar, but the colours just aren't exactly accurate to the one I saw on the picture, so I ended up not getting it, and called the other store to see if they had it in stock. The girl gave me a description that sounded VERY much like the one in the picture, so we drove down to the other store....turns out it was the exact same one I had tried on in the other store..what a waste..Eventually we found out that was exactly the one I had been looking at online..the dang photo's colours were off. ): Which very much disappointed me and made the day suck. Oh! the story doesn't end there, the bottoms that I wanted to get to match the top...the second store we went to didn't carry it...so now I have to go back to the first store to get it...GAH so frustrating and stupid!! I still gotta find a nice journal to bring on my trip to write down my many adventures..Chapters has a few nice ones, but I don't know if I really want to spend $20 on a journal. They are nice, but it just seems so expensive. I also want to find a rain jacket and I STILL NEED SOME COMFORTABLE WALKING SHOES. AHHHHHHHH I'm so unprepared and I'm leaving in 4 days! My next couple days left at home is so booked up too, the people I want to see, I can't; sigh. Oh, my friend let me drive his car..his insanely expensive car. I can't believe he trusts me with it...but he says I'm doing really good! My hands weren't as sweaty this time compared to sunday night when I drove it for the first time! HA. This is why I don't play games..I get sweaty hands ): Anyways I love hearing the engine roar as I press down on the gas pedal when the light turns green...uh oh, I hope I don't turn into a racer (; He's making me drive home every night after work, I guess I should be thankful I have someone who trusts me enough to let me drive their car. And trusts that I don't kill the both of us...BTW, DID I MENTION I DON'T HAVE MY LICENSE?..:D Funny thing, you know how it's totally normal for people to get pimples from the stress of exams? I'm no exception, I get them too! Anyways I have these two that are near my eyebrows, one above and one below..and so it kinda looks like I got my eyebrow pierced! Hahah, it's so funny. BUT THEY HURT SO MUCH..and I keep touching them by accident because it's right underneath my bangs..and well I'm constantly pushing my bangs out of my eyes. ): Ugh it feels so gross. I'm glad I have my bangs to cover them. OH OH OH OH OH. Our t-shirts came in! And they're actually pretty decent! My first custom t-shirt design printed! I'm so proud of myself, haha. The sucky thing about it is that it costs so much more to do more than 3 colours, and so I had to hand paint/fill the hearts...which didn't turn out as nice as I imaged them to because I didn't have paint brushes and so they're bumpier than the rest of the shirt design. But I guess it gives it texture? I can't wait to do our photo shoot! I get to be a model again..hehe ;3 Anyways, until next time electronic diary. Toodles, D.

I'm too tired to blog tonight.

Mood: ???? + tired I don't really know what to write for today's entry...Nothing really important happened today other than the fact that I had my organic chemistry final and I think I bombed it ): Looks like I might have to retake it next fall. -sigh But I'm excited to be finished all my exams in the first week, and then the next week I can work as much as I can (I've been scheduled 28 hours!) to make up for the three weeks while I'm gone :D Make some moolah because I go spend like a foolah :d hehe. Hmm btw, I think today is a stupid day, I saw this girl wearing a Bob Marley towel as a cape...but I guess what people do with their lives isn't my business. I just think today is duuuummmbb. I never really understood the meaning to 420, I finally was curious enough to ask a friend, and he said apparently it's the cop code for when you get caught with marijuana (4 20). It all makes sense now. Well tomorrow should be funny. :D National Drug Test Day. I'm still so psyched for my trip next week, I'm still debating on if I should bring my netbook or not, I'm scared my dinky little memory card for my camera won't be able to handle all the pictures I hope to take...3 weeks of pictures on a 2GB memory. HAHAHA Yeah I would laugh at it too. But sadly my camera doesn't take SD cards or I'd easily go pick one up from work, mine has to be special and accept only the expensive stuff, stupid memory stick pro duo. I'm also stuck on what I want to pack. AND I need to go find some comfortable walking shoes still...Haven't had time to go shopping the past week, hopefully I will this coming week...when I'm not working that is. Hmm I should get around to cleaning my room before I go. Need to wash my bed sheets, dust, and tidy up my desk...I seem to just throw everything on to it that it doesn't even look like a desk anymore, just a pile of junk. Yeah I have no idea what else to write for tonight, nothing else really exciting has happened the last couple days..so I guess I'll end this here. Until next time fellow creepers. (: Ta-ta D.

Mood: scared, stressed, anxious, and of course the default TIRED Woopsies, I missed a day of entry, but that's because I was too busy studying for my upcoming exams. I'm so nervous, and scared, I think I'm going to fail. No matter what I do, I just don't understand organic chemistry!!!! Each exam I do, I end up doing worse and worse...FML. Hopefully I'll do better tonight during my study session and tomorrow morning/afternoon since my exam isn't until 3:30pm. AND THEN I'M DONE AND FREE...until I find out I did a crap job...until then, I'll keep you updated. (: But today I have an exam and I think I'll be okay, went over the material and I believe I have a good grasp on it all...until she throws those curve balls and I end up missing by a mile! So yesterday I went for a ride with my friend, TC, in his loaner car while he was getting his fixed, and I'm glad he invited me! Taking a ride in a +$100,000 Audi! HOOOOLY, was it worth being woken up at 9am when I went to bed at 3:30am? TOTALLY. It was very spacious and IT HAD BUILT IN MASSAGE SEATS. It'd be amazing to be rich...but then again I wouldn't feel safe driving around in a car that expensive...I wouldn't want to park it anywhere without putting up a force field or something...just toooooooo expensive, but it was a nice experience. It was so high tech and fancy, oh man, I was like...a car from 2030! or maybe I'm just really techy challenged, haha. I think it can be described like giving your great great grandparents an iphone. HAHA. or at least that's what it was like to me. There were so many buttons that did so many things, so man categories and choices and functions and gadgets. GEEEZ. But it was very very cool none the less. I felt like a celebrity sitting in the car :D I guess you're wondering how things are going with that guy and me, I'm not sure where we are anymore. I want to let him back into my life, but would that be a mistake? What if I do and only end up getting hurt again, I'm tired of trying to mend my heart after each break...but it's unbearable living without him; Can't live with or without him, eh? haha gosh this blows. I just don't know what to do anymore. Maybe I should just leave it as it is and deal with it after I come back for my vacation...? But I wanted to see him before I left..I guess that isn't going to happen...:/ I guess we'll have to see how I feel when I get back; he did send me a message saying we could go back to the way we were, but will it really? I think there's always going to be a wall between us, an awkward tension, a weird unconformable feel...or maybe I'm just over thinking things. What if I come back and I want to patch things up, but he doesn't any more? Sigh, I should stop scaring myself. Besides the point VACATION IN 8 DAYS. Boy am I psyched. Going to three different cities in 3 weeks. Shanghai, Bangkok and Hong Kong! Oh wait I'm stopping by in Macau too! I'm wondering if I'm gonna need to bring my netbook to transfer off all my photos...or I just need to find a bigger memory card for my camera; haha. I'm still on the look out for a nice pair of comfortable walker shoes that's breathable! And a really nice bandeau bathing suit, there's one at Victoria Secret that I'm totally obsessed with but...it's $50 bucks! GAHH, so expensive. I'm wondering if I'll even need to bring a bathing suit on my trip....:$ Anyways during that time I'm gonna be hand writing my entries since I'm not a 100% sure I'll be getting internet..so I gotta go find a nice journal. Prepare to read my awful handwriting my fellow readers. :D Well actually you won't be seeing it for like 3 weeks, and then when I'm back I'll probably be maaaaaaaaaaaaaaajjoooorrr jet lagged, so it'll be a couple more days, haha. (: Did you notice I like to make backward happy faces? Rather than the typical :) i make the (:? I'm different, I don't mind. AND YOU CAN'T JUDGE ME FOR IT, cause if you do, I'll just punch you super hard, haha. I'm not exactly sure what well I want to write at this moment because I feel like I'm going to pass out, so until my next entry. Toodles, D.

I guess it's finally sunk in...I've lost my best friend. So I guess my mood is...lost? empty? void? (are these moods? eh, you know what I mean) We can no longer see each other, talk to each other or anything...apparently his girlfriend thinks we're getting too close..he's my best friend for fudge sakes. I barely see him as it is, maybe three times a month? All we do is text..that's all I have to stay in touch with him...besides calling, but I hate talking on the phone; but that's besides the point. He's been there for me through it all, when I'm happy, sad, grumpy, stupid, childish, cranky. He sticks through with all the crap I tell him, all the drama I go through. He's there to cheer me up when I'm stupid enough to get hurt over and over again. Yeah he judges, but he's my best friend, I wouldn't want anything but the truth from him; cause I know he isn't going to sugar coat it. I miss him already. But I guess if I were in her shoes, being a girl and all, I'd be a little over protective too. But there isn't anything she has to worry about...sigh D.