Eddie Kaspbrak’s Bittersweet Memories - Chapter One
For some, the relationship that Eddie Kaspbrak and Richie Tozier shared was weird and abnormal. Sometimes even they wondered how they worked so well together, but they just did. Neither boy was apart of that stereotypical “popular” group of kids, yet everyone still knew them or at least knew of them.
Richie was known by being the kid everyone thought was least likely to end up being the captain of the football team, and yet he still was. With his shaggy and unruly hair, baggy mismatched clothing, and (newly updated) circular, black-rimmed glasses, everyone was sure that Richie Tozier would end up being the kid that skipped every class and eventually dropped out to work at McDonald’s. Yet he proved them all wrong as he showed up for class every single day without fail, was getting near perfect scores on everything he handed in, and had been captain of the football team for the last year and a half.
Eddie was known for having everything neat and tidy and organised: his hair, his clothes, his homework, his room, his cheerleading uniform, everything down to his locker and pencil case. Eddie’s grades were almost as perfect as Richie’s, though he did need a lot of his boyfriend’s help when it came to quite a number of subjects. Not one thing was ever out of place when it came to Eddie. Except for Richie, that is. And that was the one thing that everyone was shocked to learn about Eddie: that despite how clean and orderly he was, Richie was the one that Eddie wanted.
Despite no one understanding how or why the perfect spick and span Eddie was with the rough and tough Richie, everyone still saw the spark that was between them. Holly Mels noticed it when she saw the two at Richie’s locker, which was right by her own. They would giggle and peck one another on the cheeks and offer to hold each other's books, then tenderly interlock their hands and steal a kiss or two as they walked to class together. Dean Smith could see it during his football practices with Richie when Eddie would be cheering on his boyfriend by either holding up an “I love the football captain!” sign or just by standing and waiting on the other side of the fence to get a mid practice kiss. Either way would always leave Richie blushing and losing focus. For Tanya Marian, it was during the football games when she and all the other cheerleaders would be pumping up the crowd. She would look around the field and spot Richie - who should have been encouraging his teammates and getting into the football spirit - staring intently at Eddie as Eddie waved his pom-poms around and was tossed around in the air by the other cheerleaders. In fact, pretty much every person in the school in one way or another had seen and felt the love that the two boys shared - it was too hard to miss as they wandered the halls holding hands, or feeding each other food at lunch.
Halfway through their senior year was a day quite special, one that both Richie and Eddie would never forget - their one year anniversary. Whilst they agreed not to make a huge fuss over it or get each other anything, both boys woke up with some kind of new energy radiating around them. For Eddie, the moment he opened his eyes he was smiling widely. He’d been worried since him and Richie had gotten together that something would happen and they would never reach this day, so as he began his daily school routine, the smile never left his face. At breakfast, he had to pretend as if it was any old day, of course, so his lack-of-progression mother didn’t suspect anything was different. With how happy he was, Eddie was on the edge of his seat about to tell his mother about this wonderful day, but he knew he couldn’t, and it broke his heart. For Richie, it didn’t hit him until he was getting into his car to pick up Eddie for school. His absent-minded self opened the car door expecting a normal day when he suddenly gasped and his chest filled with warmth at the remembrance of this important day. He felt like a fool for forgetting such a big milestone, but he brushed off his forgetful head and continued on with his morning with a spring in his step. When Eddie opened the door to the passenger side and hopped in next to his boyfriend, they both shared a soft smile and Richie quickly pulled away from the front of the Kaspbrak residence, afraid that he would be too filled up with emotion and kiss his boyfriend whilst Eddie’s mother was watching.
Their ride to school was almost silent - the only thing filling the air being the sound of their heartbeats and the aura of pure happiness and bliss. When Richie parked the car at the school, he shut off the engine and the two of them sat still, simply looking at each other with wide smiles.
“I can’t believe I’ve put up with your dumb ass for a whole year,” Eddie said with a chuckle.
“Oh, shut up. You love me,” Richie said with a laugh as he reached out and pushed Eddie’s shoulder gently. Eddie grabbed ahold of Richie’s scruffed up hand quickly and pulled him forwards, taking his boyfriends face in his hands. He pressed a gentle kiss to Richie’s soft lips, followed by one on the tip of his nose causing Richie to erupt into a fit of giggles.
“More than anything,” Eddie said softly with a wide smile upon his mouth.
With Eddie’s hands still cupping Richie’s face, Richie whispered, “you’re going to make me vomit, Kaspbrak.”
Neither boy had any class time together until after lunch - football and cheerleading practise. Usually, every Friday when the two practise times were on, the footballers would practise on the back oval, and the cheerleaders would practise in the gym. After a few runs of their routine the cheerleaders would move to the bleachers and watch the football team until the end of the day, meaning Eddie had roughly an hour every single Friday afternoon to watch Richie Tozier run around the football oval in short shorts and a loose fitting t-shirt - a sight he was certain he would never get tired of.
Whilst the other cheerleaders sat in the bleachers, talking and eating snacks, Eddie opted to sit in the grass by himself on the football oval with his back leant up against the fence. He always found that he had a better view of Richie from there, and it also meant that he could give Richie a few proper kisses in between practice, rather than just a wave from the bleachers or a peck over the fence.
After the last bell of the day rang, Eddie and Richie walked to the back car park. However they didn’t leave the school just yet and instead were leant up against the cool metal on the passenger side of the car. Richie had opened the door politely for his boyfriend but Eddie had yet to make a move into the vehicle. They looked into one another’s eyes for a few moments, sweet and gentle smiles on their lips and the knowledge of having been together for 1 year swirling around their minds.
They were the happiest they had ever been. They didn’t even have to speak when they were together - just being in each other’s presence was enough to fill both boys’ hearts with so much love that one day they were certain they would simply explode.
A few months later and it was finally the day of their graduation - a day that Richie and Eddie and all of the losers were overwhelmingly excited for. They could feel the freedom and the emancipation inching closer and closer with every single second that passed by on that warm day in May. After the ceremony, the losers all went down to the quarry. They threw all of the senior yearbooks into rubbish bins and pushed one another into the freezing cold water, sounds of laughter and happiness and love filling up the air around them all.
After a couple hours of swimming, Eddie sat on his towel in the grass next to Richie as they watched the rest of their group swim and play in the water, celebrating their diplomas and freedom. Eddie could feel some kind of bad energy from Richie, though he couldn’t understand why. He knew how long Richie had been waiting for this day, so as he looked at Richie laying in the grass from the corner of his eye, his mind filled with confusion as to why the grimace had hardly left the Trashmouth’s face.
Eddie let out a sigh, finally fed up with looking at the scowl that Richie had worn all day. “What’s up with you, Rich?” He asked as he leant over and gently pushed Richie’s shoulder to get his attention.
Richie turned to him and quickly changed his expression to a small smile as if he were perfectly fine. “What do you mean?” He said as he sat up, crossed his long legs and leant back on his hands.
“You’ve been acting weird all day. Like… like you’re grumpy about something.”
Richie chuckled softly and scooched over next to Eddie. He wrapped his arms around his boyfriends smaller frame and kissed his cheek multiple times. “I’m fine, Ed’s. Really!”
Eddie let out another sigh. “You’ve been acting funny all day. If something is going on, you can talk to me, Richie.”
“Eddie, I’m okay,” Richie said seriously as he looked into his boyfriend's eyes. “I guess I’m just sad that school is over, you know?”
“You, Richie Tozier, are sad about school ending?” Eddie said sceptically with a light chuckle. “I don’t believe it for a second.”
“No really!” Richie said with his eyebrows raised. He placed another peck on Eddie’s cheek and rested his head on his shoulder, looking out to the water at the rest of the losers. “I’m going to miss this, Ed’s. Coming here after school in the summer, hanging out on the picnic tables at lunch, making out with you in the boys’ locker room.” They both laughed at that last one, and that was enough to make Eddie understand where Richie was coming from. Because Eddie was going to miss those things too, and the thought of saying goodbye to their adolescence and starting the new chapter of their lives as adults made him feel like crumbling from the inside out. So he simply let the conversation go and soaked in the feeling of Richie’s soft curls tickling his neck, and the sounds of the birds as they laughed at their friends splashing each other with water. It was the most perfect afternoon any of them could have wished for.
The next day Eddie drove over to Richie’s house, excited and eager to spend their first day of complete and utter freedom from the chains of high school together. As he pulled up onto the curb, he glanced down the driveway and took note that Richie’s car was not parked in its usual spot. Confusion was painted across Eddie’s face. He couldn’t understand why Richie would leave his house before 8am on a Saturday morning when usually his boyfriend would still be fast asleep in bed.
Eddie walked straight inside - as he always did when going to the Tozier household - to find Maggie and Wentworth sitting on the couch, cups of coffee were in their hands and the morning news was playing softly on the tv. However it wasn’t Richie’s parents that Eddie was there to see, so he continued walking through the house and down the hall into Richie’s bedroom.
Eddie wasn’t sure what he was expecting to see, but it certainly wasn’t an empty room. His mouth hung wide open as he stood in the doorway, looking at what was in front of him. The covers had been removed from the bed, all the books and video games were taken off the shelves, posters had been pulled off the walls - everything that made up Richie Tozier’s bedroom was no longer in its usual place, and Eddie felt a shiver run down his spine. It felt cold and empty, precisely how Eddie was feeling at this point in time. He hurried back down the hall and into the living room, standing on the other side of the coffee table in front of Richie's parents. His heart was racing a million miles an hour.
“Where is he? Where did he go? Is he okay?” Eddie said in a rushed panic. He was so incredibly confused. He needed answers.
“I don’t understand,” Maggie said as she placed her coffee onto the table. She looked over to her husband and they shared and questioning look followed by a shrug. She turned back to Eddie and replied, “we thought he would have told you ages ago.”
“Told me what?” Eddie said. His stomach was turning with the anticipation.
“He got a scholarship to a school in California. He left early this morning.” Maggie finished.
Eddie felt like he was going to vomit. His head was spinning and he was sure he was going to faint. “Hang on, wait a second,” he said, holding his stomach tightly. “He moved to California? And he didn’t even let me know?”
“We are so sorry, Eddie,” Wentworth said calmly. “He’d told us that he called you and let you know as soon as he got the letter from the school.”
“No, no, Richie never said anything about a- about a school in California. Why would he not tell me?”
Maggie stood from the couch and began walking over to Eddie in an attempt to comfort him, however, Eddie’s breakfast had other thoughts as he quickly ran down the hallway for the second time, though this time it was to rush to the bathroom. He clutched his stomach as he threw up whatever was in there into the toilet, then let out a loud sigh and wiped his mouth in disgust. He sat on the floor for a few moments to let his stomach ease, then placed his hand on the sink and slowly hauled himself up. His head was still spinning as he avoided looking in the mirror and splashed his face with water, then walked back into Richie’s room. Eddie made sure to shut the door loudly to let the Tozier’s know he wanted to be alone, then plonked himself down onto the empty bed and looked around the room with tears filling his eyes. Over the last year and a half this room had been filled with so much love and so much contentment and so much RichieAndEddie. It was their safe space, where the two of them could be whoever they wanted to be and do whatever they wanted to do. Eddie simply couldn’t process it, couldn’t understand why Richie would just leave without telling anyone, especially his boyfriend of all people.
Once his head had stopped spinning, Eddie stood up from the bed and began walking around the room. He brushed his fingers along the top of the dusty drawers and bookshelf, breathing in the scent of cigarettes and the nice cologne that Eddie had bought Richie for his birthday last year. He could remember giving it to Richie and watching his face light up as he smelt the perfume and said that he couldn’t wait to smell like a “manly man” every day. It was a smell that Eddie wouldn’t ever get sick of, so he inhaled as much of it as he possibly could as a few tears began to fall. Before he could get too worked up he wiped his cheeks and didn’t bother saying goodbye to Maggie and Wentworth as he dashed down the hall and out the front door.
Before starting up his car, Eddie pulled his phone from his back pocket and dialled the only number he had ever memorised. Though instead of hearing the sound of the phone ringing and Richie’s voice coming through the speaker, all Eddie could hear was a robotic woman’s voice saying, “the number you are trying to call has been disconnected”, and then nothing but the buzz of the dial tone. It was endless and droning on, but all Eddie was concentrating on was that computerised voice saying that the number had been disconnected. It was playing over and over again, clouding his mind. Richie had disconnected his number. How on earth was Eddie supposed to find out why his boyfriend left him and this town and their friends if he couldn’t even call him?
Eddie quickly clicked the home button on his phone and hastily went into the Facebook Messenger app. Richie’s name was at the very top of the screen, though when Eddie entered the messages a notice popped up on the screen stating that the account had been deleted and could no longer receive messages. Eddie took a deep breath in and held it as he resisted the urge to cry once again. He shook his head from side to side and shut his eyes tightly before he could begin hyperventilating, then counted to 5 and slowly let the air out. Richie made Eddie feel so brave and so on top of the world that just after they started dating, Eddie had thrown his inhaler in the bin and hadn’t used it since. Though it was times like this when he truly needed it and missed it more than anything. He continued his deep breathing as he checked every single other social media that he knew Richie had - Instagram, Snapchat and Tumblr - and every single one of them had been deactivated.
Eddie stared at his phone as he held his breath in fear of bursting into tears right in front of the Tozier’s house, so he simply locked his phone and threw it into the passenger seat next to him before starting up the old car and setting off down the street. He had no words to explain how he was feeling - there were too many emotions welling up inside of his chest that he didn’t know if he wanted to sob or punch something or hug someone. All he wanted was Richie to comfort him. But Richie was gone without a trace, and Eddie just couldn’t understand why. Why would he do this? Why would he leave without saying anything? Did the year and a half of their relationship not mean anything to him?
There was only one place - minus Richie’s arms - that Eddie wanted to be right now, and that was the quarry. He was craving to be in the place that was filled with so many beautiful memories between Eddie and all of his friends. A place that had comforted and cared for Eddie almost as much as Richie’s bedroom had. He drove silently down the empty Derry roads, his mind and heart racing at a hundred miles a minute with so many thoughts that he just couldn’t even begin to process. He could feel his heart breaking more and more with every single second and every single image that passed by inside his head.
Eddie’s car was the only one on the grass by the quarry as he pulled up his handbrake and exited the vehicle, leaving his phone on the front seat. He wandered down through the trees and to the clearing that was oh so familiar, taking in the sights of the calming trees and feeling the cool breeze as it encapsulated his small frame. He breathed in the fresh air and watched the clouds move, allowing the sun to shine its rays down on the water and make it glisten.
As he put his hands in the pocket of his black shorts and gently kicked around some rocks, he heard someone shuffling close by. “Eddie?” He heard a familiar girls voice say amidst the soft wind. Eddie looked up from his pale blue converses and the rocks beneath them to see Beverly Marsh walking towards him with a bright and wide smile upon her freckled face. She motioned for Eddie to sit down and he joined her among the uncomfortable stones whilst she wrapped her arm around his shoulders, a ring-clad hand gripping the side of his arm. Eddie wondered why Beverly was down here all by herself so early in the morning, instead of sleeping in or being with the rest of the losers, but right now he was just happy to have some familiar company.
“How’s the first day of freedom treating you? I thought you and the Trashmouth would be out and about painting the town red by now!” She said happily, obviously oblivious to the entire situation.
“He didn’t tell you either?” Eddie asked sadly with his eyebrows raised.
“Tell me… What?” Beverly asked slowly, confusion and concern laced within her tone.
As the tears began welling up in his eyes once more, Eddie could feel the anger rising up inside of him at the thought of what his boyfriend had done to him. What he’d done to their friends. He shoved Beverly’s arm off his shoulders and stood up abruptly, pacing back and forth behind where they were sitting.
“He’s fucking gone, Bev!” Eddie exclaimed loudly as he threw his arms up in the air. “He left me and he left all of us and did he even bother to tell us? No! No, he didn’t!”
“What are you talking about?” Bev asked with a nervous chuckle.
“Why are you laughing? Do you think it’s funny that my boyfriend has gone halfway across the country without telling me he was even planning on leaving?”
“No, no! Eddie, I would never think that!” Beverly quickly pushed herself up from the sharp rocks and placed her hands on Eddie’s shoulders in an attempt to calm him down. “I’m just confused, Eds. I don’t understand what’s going on.” She spoke softly, looking into Eddie’s eyes as she did so and gently brushing one of her hands across his cheek to rid them of his tears.
Eddie closed his eyes and shook his head frantically, trying to make the tears go away. But he couldn’t stop them as they flowed freely down his cheeks, soaking through the fabric covering Beverly’s shoulder as she grabbed Eddie and pulled him close to her in a tight embrace.
“It’s okay, Eddie. I’ve got you,” she whispered. “Let me take you back home and we can talk this out, okay?”
Eddie knew his mum would be out at work for the rest of the day, so he tenderly nodded his head and Beverly helped guide him to his car, putting Eddie in the passenger seat and herself behind the wheel.
Eddie’s sobs and hiccups were the only sounds in the car as they drove. That was until Beverly decided to pipe up for just a moment before they went back to the almost silence. “It’s going to be alright, Eddie.”
