#ehud

I was unsatisfied (I will never be satisfied) with Ehud’s first design so I made a new one (yes I used the same pose ☺️)

 OC Genshin Impact: Delaney 

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Delaney, the hydro sorceress originally from Khaenri'ah summoner of Shin (Kairi) in Teyvat. She was sent to Inazuma as a spy years before the great cataclysm. On her own account, she wanted to summon a demon from another world, but Shin having died in his original world, was reborn in Teyvat after the invocation as a kid. Seeing this, Delaney felt disappointed, but she still took care of him like her son until the now little demon god will recover all his power. The sorceress gave him a new name, "Kairi" and ordered him to gain a vision. But he never got one.

(Kairi and Zelaya, a sorceress Dendro of the desert of Sumeru (another OC))

the LORD raised up a deliverer to the children of Israel...

1 And these are the nations which the LORD left, to prove Israel by them, as many as had not known all the wars of Canaan, 2 Only so that the generations of the children of Israel might know, to teach them war, at the least those who before knew nothing of it: 3 Five lords of the Philistines, and all the Canaanites, and the Sidonians, and the Hivites that lived in Mount Lebanon, from Mount Baal Hermon to the border of Hamath. 4 And they were to prove Israel by them, to know whether they would obey the commands of the LORD, which He commanded their fathers by the hand of Moses. 5 And the children of Israel lived among the Canaanites, and Hittites, and Amorites, and Perizzites, and Hivites, and Jebusites. 6 And they took their daughters to be their wives, and gave their daughters to their sons, and served their gods.

7 And the children of Israel did evil in the sight of the LORD and forgot the LORD their God, and served Baalim and the Asherim. 8 And the anger of the LORD was hot against Israel, and He sold them into the hand of Chushan-Rishathaim, king of Mesopotamia. And the children of Israel served Chushan-Rishathaim eight years.

9 And when the children of Israel cried to the LORD, the LORD raised up a deliverer to the children of Israel, who delivered them, Othniel, the son of Caleb's younger brother Kenaz. 10 And the Spirit of the LORD came upon him, and he judged Israel and went out to war. And the LORD delivered Chushan-Rishathaim, king of Mesopotamia, into his hand. And his hand prevailed against Chushan-Rishathaim. 11 And the land had rest forty years. And Othniel the son of Kenaz died.

12 And the children of Israel did evil again in the sight of the LORD. And the LORD made Eglon the king of Moab strong against Israel because they had done evil in the sight of the LORD. 13 And he gathered to him the children of Ammon and Amalek. And he went forth and struck Israel, and took the city of palm trees. 14 So the children of Israel served Eglon, the king of Moab, eighteen years.

15 But when the children of Israel cried to the LORD, the LORD raised them up a deliverer, Ehud the son of Gera, a Benjamite, a left-handed man. And the children of Israel sent a present to Eglon the king of Moab by him, 16 So Ehud made himself a dagger which had two edges, a cubit long. And he tied it under his clothing upon his right thigh. 17 And he brought the present to Eglon, king of Moab. And Eglon was a very fat man. 18 And when he had finished offering the present to the king, he sent away the people who carried the present. 19 But he himself turned back at the graven images near Gilgal, and said, "I have a secret message for you, O king." And he said, "Keep silence." And all that stood by him went out from him. 20 And Ehud came to him. And he was sitting in the cool roof room which he had for himself alone. And Ehud said, "I have a message from God for you." And he rose out of his seat. 21 And Ehud put forth his left hand and took the dagger from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly. 22 And the hilt also went in after the blade. And the fat closed upon the blade, so that he could not draw the dagger out of his belly. And the dung came out. 23 Then Ehud went forth through the porch, and shut the doors of the room upon him, and locked them.

24 And when he had gone out, his servants came. And they looked, and, behold, the doors of the roof room were locked, they said, "Surely he is covering his feet in his cool roof room." 25 And they waited until they were ashamed. And, behold, he did not open the doors of the room. And they took a key and opened them. And behold, their lord had fallen down dead on the floor.

26 And Ehud escaped while they waited, and passed beyond the graven images, and escaped to Seirath. 27 And it came to pass when he arrived, he blew a ram's horn on the mountain of Ephraim, and the children of Israel went down with him from the mountain, and he went in front of them. 28 And he said to them, "Follow after me, for the LORD has delivered your enemies the Moabites into your hand." And they went down after him and took the fords of Jordan toward Moab, and did not allow a man to pass over. 29 And they killed about ten thousand of the men of Moab at that time, all strong, and all men of might. And there did not escape a man. 30 So Moab was subdued under the hand of Israel that day. And the land had rest eighty years.

But Ehud made him a dagger which had two edges, of a cubit length; and he did gird it under his raiment upon his right thigh.

And he brought the present unto Eglon king of Moab: and Eglon was a very fat man.

And Ehud put forth his left hand, and took the dagger from his right thigh, and thrust it into his belly:

And the haft also went in after the blade; and the fat closed upon the blade, so that he could not draw the dagger out of his belly; and the dirt came out.

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Judges 3:16,17,21,22

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Fact One: It's always tricky to translate "hinneh," the Hebrew narrative exclamation that gets translated as "behold" in old-timey translations.

Fact Two: I have always wanted to translate hinneh as "HOLY SHIT."

Fact Three: I've been getting into Assassin's Creed: Odyssey, which involves a lot of "sneak into an upper room, stab a dude in the belly."

THUS I PRESENT TO YOU one of my sillier enterprises: a colloquial translation of the Tale of Ehud the Assassin and Eglon the Fat.  (Strangely enough, Veggie Tales has never tackled this particular story.  But the Brick Testament has!)

Yet again, the Israelites had pissed off YHWH.  So YHWH put his power behind Eglon, the king of Moab, to fight against Israel.  He gathered together the Ammonites and Amelekites, and they went and conquered Israel.  (They even took over the City of Date Palms, wherever that is.)  The Israelites served Eglon for eighteen years before they finally started to complain to YHWH, so YHWH raised up a hero to rescue them: Ehud ben Gera the Benjaminite, a left-handed man.

So the Israelites planned to send Ehud to Eglon with their tribute delivery.  But first, the dude made himself a big dagger — double-edged and a half-meter long — and fastened it underneath his robes, on his right thigh.

Then he went and presented the tribute to Eglon — who, BTW, was a very burly guy [1].  Once he had finished presenting the tribute, he sent back the rest of his crew.  But he turned around at the Gilgal statues, went back to the king, and said, "I have a SECRET MESSAGE for you, Mister King."

"Everyone else, GTFO!" the king said, so all his servants left the room.  (At that point, he was sitting alone in his nice cool kingly chambers.)

Then Ehud stepped closer and said, "Hey.  I have a Message From God for you."

So the king got up from his chair to hear this Secret Message.  BUT INSTEAD, Ehud reached out his left hand, took the sword from his right thigh, and STABBED IT INTO THE KING'S BELLY.  He stabbed so deep that the hilt went in after the blade, and the king's stomach fat closed over it, so he just left the dagger in there.  Soon enough, the bowel excrement started coming out of the king's belly.  Mission accomplished, Ehud sneaked out through the bathroom [2], but he closed and locked the doors of the upper room behind him.

When Ehud had gone, Eglon's servants came and discovered that the doors of the upper room were locked.  So they said, "Oh, he must be taking a dump [3] in his room."  They kept waiting until it was legit embarrassing, but the doors of the room didn't open.  So they finally got the key and opened the doors — and HOLY SHIT, their master was lying on the ground, DEAD!

(Meanwhile, Ehud had already escaped while they were screwing around — he'd traveled past the statues and escaped to a city called Seirah.)

So when Ehud got there, he blew a trumpet (QUEST COMPLETED!) that echoed through the hills of Ephraim.  Then all the Israelites joined him and marched behind Ehud.  "Follow me," he said.  "YHWH has given us victory over our enemies, the Moabites!"

They marched down after him, captured the fords of the Jordan River, and refused to let anyone through.  Then they killed ten thousand of the Moabites — and BTW they were all buff, strong dudes — without letting a single one escape.

And that is how Israel kicked Moab's ass.  Then things were quiet for another eighty years.

THE END.

¿Y ALGO DE “YUSO”? (Yurio x Oso) @yukinokuro17

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Estoy soft con los ships jotos uw,u

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