#egbert post

(Book 1, 10) The ghost gauntlets holding that ridiculous paisley hammer are just a fixture of the environment in this game. I didn't want them to be an item you could use, because that would have been complicated to implement. It was a little attention to detail on my part, by which I mean my inclination to consider how John could wield this huge hammer in his inventory. Specific items that are accrued by the players become a lot less relevant much later in the story. Because it stops being a thing about a Guy In A Game You Are "Playing," and starts being more about a bunch of Characters In A Story You Are Reading, Who Are Sad All The Time.

(Book 4, 20) What the hell is going on with that hammer? Actually, let's not talk about the Zillyhoo hammer yet. Jade was right that John would get this unstoppable bunny warrior exactly when he needs it, just in time to defend against an unwelcome, highly premature Jack-murder. And Jack knows he shouldn't mess with this thing, no matter how powerful he currently feels, because this was the exact instrument he used to kill the queen and steal the very powers he has now. He knows he is no match…yet. What Jade doesn't mention (or know) is that this timely assist she helped provide is the very reason for Jack's rise, and therefore John's need for assistance in the first place. Idiots. They're all idiots.

(Topatoco 1, 22) John: Deallocate hammerkind specibus, reallocate as ghostbusters2mmorpgkind.

(Book 2, 34) A basic, serviceable sickle is readily available for Karkat to wield in lieu of the simple, workmanlike hammer that was available to John. Is there any meaning to draw from the fact that the hammer and sickle combine to form a widely recognized symbol for communism? Doubtful. Except to provide the shippers with a quality name for the Johnkat ship.

(Book 2, 54) Behold, the mighty pogo hammer. Once, John's dangerous childhood nemesis in the form of the backyard pogo ride. Now, a similarly self-jeopardizing implement of only marginal combat value. Just think how easily one misfiring BONG could send him launching off the roof, or maybe just send the hammer careening back in his face?

(Book 2, 189) If you ask me, there aren't enough hammers whose handle is a fully functional, presumably delicate telescope. Not enough hammers made out of huge ancient joke books either.

(Book 1, 263) In this scene, a moment in Con Air is reenacted, when John Malkovich threatens the bunny and delivers that line, while Nic Cage assaults him with a sledgehammer, discovers it's a bit too heavy to wield, topples backwards and breaks it, while Malkivich proceeds to taunt him with the bunny forever thereafter via infinitely looping animation. (Some of that isn't true???????????)

(Book 1, 289) Davesprite made this sick time-powered hammer because he spent months on LOHAC and presumably mined its legendary riches. Including the hammer, or at least the ingredients to make it. His denizen, Hephaestus, is a legendary blacksmith, and his planet is a realm of clockwork, tailor-made for a Time Hero. Also look how big it is in its natural state. Almost like a thing an absolutely huge blacksmith would wield in the core of a planet made of lava.

(Book 1, 290) When you bash someone over the head with this hammer, it stops time for them for a little while. Regardless of its actual damage-dealing capabilities, it's a very tactically useful weapon. That's probably why it actually stays in John's inventory all the way to the final battle, and he still gets some good use out of it in that fight.

(Book 1, 299) John just got this killer hammer upgrade, so of course we should get to see him take it for a spin. We've never even heard of a lich before, but it stands to reason they are a lot deadlier than mere imps. But John makes light work of them anyway with his new hammer. So, yep, it's a strong hammer all right. Good to know.

(Book 6, 415) Then we enjoy another sick weapon upgrade, which is always gratifying. CD agrees, obviously. ONE ZILLION isn't even a fucking number, so I'm really not sure how this thing ever got made. But it doesn't matter much, because these "ultimate weapons" are all deus exed out of a self-fulfilling paradox hole, in a way that sort of makes it clear that it isn't the point to see how they get made or where they originally came from, and any future access to this info will basically be bonus material. But for the record, Gamzee probably made this thing originally. We saw him with it earlier, and he's a random ass clown, so…checks out? Yeah.

(Book 6, 416) Obviously we need a very serious Flash accompaniment to celebrate the existence of this preposterous hammer. Which I guess I should point out originated in a Problem Sleuth bonus page, per a fan's suggestion. The name of the hammer was provided, and I simply drew a rather silly fucking hammer, and that was that. Until I crammed it deep into the unforgiving craw of Homestuck lore, because given enough time, I'm just going to find a way to import everything I've ever done in the past into everything I will ever do in the future.