Heads up: this show has a lot of sexual humor and scenarios, as well as cartoony graphic violence and swearing.

The man can’t keep a business going for more than two days at a time; he keeps things equalized by taking any and every job he can, and you’re always welcome to join him!

(The majority of his jobs are safe, and there are usually fun things nearby you can do while he’s working.)

He has a ton of connections with entertainment venues, and can usually get you in at a discount!

He also knows SO many famous people. Most of them have forgotten his name at this point, but they’ll still pose for a picture with you!

When he’s selling merch for someone, there’s bound to be products that get ripped or dirty or otherwise can’t be sold. A lot of these things end up in your room!

As much as the man works, he still has free time; and he’s constantly looking for fun things to do with you.

He finds science and inventions fascinating, and loves doing easy science experiments with you.

Another favorite activity is following I.M.P at a distance. They’re usually doing something entertaining!

Wacky Charms is his longest running successful product, and he wants you to like it; but he understands if you don’t, and won’t make a big deal out of it.

Heads up: this show contains death, violence, swearing, sexual assault, and various forms of depravity.

He has a bad habit of inserting himself into conversations, which is actually how you met him; you were telling someone that you regress, and he started asking about it.

He’s also not great at personal space. It’s not uncommon for him to randomly hug you, or grab you out of excitement. If you have issues with physical touch, he’ll make a major effort to improve, but he still slips up once in a while.

He’s a very tidy caregiver, and pretty firm about cleaning up messes.

There is SO much to do in Heaven, and during his free time, he’s happy to take you all over the place. He loves minigolfing, he loves the movie theater, he loves the arcade…

(He actually has the high score on a surprising number of games; and he’s always happy to give you tips on how to play.)

Unlike Emily, who is high-energy and high-activity all the time, Peter’s more willing to slow down and relax. You just want to sit in the park or splash on the beach? That’s totally fine!

You are always, ALWAYS welcome to help him watch the gate. It’s such an important job, and he’s happy to have you there with him!

… And if you get bored from watching the gate, that’s okay! There’s always stuff to do, like making sure the book is alphabetized, or polishing the gold, or… There’s a lot of things!

(Okay, full transparency, he sometimes gets bored of hanging out by the gate too. Peter’s usually a big rule follower, but he’s not opposed to taking the occasional ten minute break so you can get ice cream together.)

Heads up: this show has a lot of sexual humor and scenarios, as well as cartoony graphic violence and swearing.

You’ve got your own set of sunglasses - “Don’t take ‘em off, they’re important!” - and an office at the D.H.O.R.K.S. facility which may or may not be full of picture books and crayons. 

They bring you along as they investigate strange events all over the world. There are cryptids EVERYWHERE, and you’re gonna see all of them!

Agent One is monitoring you CONSTANTLY when you’re not with them. It’s not creepy, it’s caring!

(Agent Two thinks it’s a tiny bit creepy. “They’ve got a taser, right? They’ll be fine!”)

You spend a lot of time training with them on obstacle courses, climbing walls, and shooting ranges. Gotta be ready for anything!

Agent One is usually the more observant, noticing when you seem upset and trying to figure out what the problem is.

Agent Two is better at giving you space when you need it; Agent One tends to pile on the questions in an attempt to help.

They’re both experts in weapons of all kinds, and tell you all about the different varieties. (The unanimous consensus is that Edo period weapons are the absolute best.)

They… are not above using the Truth Bomb gas on you when you’re keeping secrets. Again, it comes from a place of caring! Really!

Heads up: this show contains death, violence, swearing, sexual assault, and various forms of depravity.

She is literally THE most calming individual you’ve ever met. She’s able to soothe almost anyone with just her presence.

(And if it still takes you a little while to calm down, that’s okay; she’s super patient.)

She can sense whenever you lie, and can also tell the difference between a true lie and a playful fib.

Almost every moment you’re with her, she’s holding your hands. Her touch is incredibly gentle; even the most touch-averse person isn’t bothered.

She is a PHENOMENAL listener, always deeply invested in the things you say, only ever speaking to ask a question or encourage you to continue. Every time you finish a lengthy monologue, she’ll kiss your forehead and thank you for telling your story.

(And when your story is over, she will conjure up images of what you described.)

She always refers to you as “My dear child”.

She’s incredibly wise, but you quickly learn that she won’t tell you what to do. She gently reminds you that you need to make your own choices.

(And if your choices result in bad outcomes, she’ll comfort you and encourage you to learn from the experience.)

Heads up: this show has a lot of sexual humor and scenarios, as well as cartoony graphic violence and swearing.

She’s… a bit high strung at times. She’s working on that, but… there are days when she can’t handle mess or noise or physical touch. You need to play by yourself on days like that.

She LOVES to sing, and has a tune for almost every occasion. Snack time, nap time, clean up time - every important event gets a song!

She tries to shelter you from the bad things in Hell. That is literally impossible, but bless her heart, she’s trying.

She’s the queen of sticker charts, and rewards you for good behavior with tiny adhesive smiley faces. “Once you earn ten, we can go get ice cream!”

She reminds you often that you’re never too old to learn new things about yourself. You’re constantly changing, after all; you aren’t the same as you were yesterday!

She “homeschools” you by telling you what she knows about Earth books, Earth history, Earth biology, etc; but she’s also learning new things alongside you. What kind of animals live in Hell? What’s the history of this place? Do Hellspawn write things too? You’re gonna find out together!

(And, when you get tired of learning, she finds a playground for you to run around on. If anyone gives you weird looks, she scares them off.)

On Earth, she loved cute patterned clothes; and even though Hell styles are a little different, she still tries to find cute clothes for you.

She now has an even better appreciation for the term “Think before you act”, and reminds you of what can happen when you’re impulsive. “It might feel right in the moment, sweetie, but it can get you somewhere like this.”

Heads up: this show contains death, violence, swearing, sexual assault, and various forms of depravity.

He thinks you are absolutely adorable, and is constantly telling you so.

At this point, he’s one of the few individuals in Heaven with much good to say about Adam; but despite everything, Abel still has fond memories of his dad, and he often tells you about them.

He’s NOT good with tantrums. At all. He just watches with uncomfortable confusion until you’ve tired yourself out, then tries to play it off as “not a big deal”.

In his ideal world, nobody would be stressed about anything ever; and he does his best to make that a reality for you. He often steers conversations away from heavy topics or plays off any problems that may be occurring because he wants you to feel safe and happy.

(Even though he tries to hide it, you can usually tell when he’s upset. He doesn’t like accepting comfort - he’s supposed to be taking care of you, right? - so you have to find creative ways to help him feel better when he’s sad or anxious.)

He absolutely smothers you with gifts. Plushies, taffy, day trips, movie nights… Nothing’s too good for you!

He can be… a little slow on the uptake sometimes. He tends to see the positives in people, so when someone’s being nasty, he might not catch it right away.

But the moment he realizes someone has upset you? He is ON IT. He may not have wanted to take Adam’s position in the army, but he has; and he’s gonna use the authority that goes with it to make sure NOBODY upsets you.

He’s always ready to moderate arguments between you and other kiddos; and even though you’re his favorite, he’s very good at keeping things fair.

Heads up: this show has a lot of sexual humor and scenarios, as well as cartoony graphic violence and swearing.

He is SUPER protective, both physically - he will fight people bothering you, no questions asked -

… and emotionally; he frequently checks in on you after uncomfortable events to see how you’re doing.

Even so, he encourages you to stand up for yourself as well. Even though he’s there and he’ll protect you, he wants you to feel like you can protect yourself.

He likes to tell you the story about how he got his scar as, in his opinion, it’s pretty funny.

As long as it won’t upset you, he really likes to tease; he’ll pinch you, mess with your hair, and call you silly names to make you mildly annoyed.

(When you inevitably turn it back on him, he pretends to be annoyed to make you laugh, but there’s very little that actually bothers him. If you try to get something you want by whining, he can tune you out completely.)

He tries to find ways to help you make friends. Sure, you’ve got HIM, but no kid is an island, right? There’s nothing wrong with meeting a few more people.

And when you’re around HIS friends, he hypes you up a LOT. “This is my kiddo! They just beat the last level of ‘Cuphead’ and now they’re going for ‘Hollow Knight’! No, c’mon, don’t be shy, that game is tough, and you did great.”

He really doesn’t hold it against you when you act out. Like, yeah, you need to apologize and try to be better, but he knows emotions get weird sometimes and as long as you’re actively trying to improve, he won’t hold a grudge.

Heads up: this show contains death, violence, swearing, sexual assault, and various forms of depravity.

She isn’t always around, but when she is, she’s tons of fun!

She’s super snuggly and loves giving you hugs.

She has a bad habit of interrupting you when you’re talking; she just gets really excited about things!

She loves to teach you the dances she learned when she was alive.

(She also LOVES to gossip with you; and sometimes forgets certain details may not be appropriate for little ears.)

You are constantly getting complimented. Basically anything you do gets praised.

She has a dozen nicknames and pet names for you; you aren’t actually certain she knows your real name.

She would never choose to put you in danger… but it has happened before. It’s okay, though; she’s really good at finding a way to get out of trouble!

(But you do learn to be very careful of strangers; Mimzy’s got a LOT of enemies…)