Help but feel

That my duration here on this beautifully wretched planet

Shall soon come to an end.

& I don't really have anyone I may comfortably even attempt to voice this to

So I decided to come on here once a specific song came on.

It's titled "Efflictim" by Kid Cudi, my all time favorite artist.

I've told multiple people to play this at my funeral, if I do have one, when the time comes.

I fear they don't even remember, and will be sad.

I want them to be happy, because I've been in agony for years and truly ached for death years ago.

I don't want to feel these ways, I just fucking do.

I don't quite know why I am the ways I am

This is a question i cycle thru my mind if was the one dead and you would still be alive. How would you really react? Would you still hate me or find it hard to love me? Or would you drop all of that and cry your eyes out? Wanna die too? Tell your friends how much i meant to you. If your reaction is the last one, then why do you find it ohhh soo hard to love me while i still alive. Hold grudges against me now while i am live? Hate me when i want to tell you how amazing you are to me.

if you heard the news

that i was dead

what would you do

if you found out from your friends

that i was dead

would you cycle through your mind

think of all the things you should’ve said

or could’ve done differently

if i was dead

“all i’m trying to say is life is too short

all we got is love baby and the time to make it right