#edvince

A week passed, and I was afraid. Terribly afraid. Nothing were stealing my sleeping hours more than the fear of losing you. Nightmares came back, even if it was not my nightmares season. Those gloomy dreams were driving me crazy and depressed, but there was one in particular that terrified me; and it was nothing my mind created. That had been real.

It was about a year ago, on summer, when I was still confused about my feelings, fighting with my insides and all that stuff. Those days we were in a school trip and I couldn’t talk to you normally. You though I was mad or something but the reality is that I was trying to tell I loved you and words didn’t come out of my mouth. In the end, we resulted having a massive fight and didn’t talk for a few weeks.

When we reconciled, you had a girlfriend.

“Her name is Alice and she goes to our school” you said proudly.

“I- I see… congratulations”.

“Thanks Ed. I knew you would support me”.

I did my best to smile, but I’m sure all I got was a mid-grin. I was shocked, but as we kept walking I finally processed it.

So, he has a girlfriend… I knew it, he just like girls. How could I be so naive? Is… is all my fault. If we hadn't fought, if I had had the braveness, now it could be me, but is not. Edward Crane, you’ve lost your best opportunity. Now you will NEVER be together. And it’s all because you are a chicken, a stupid bastard chicken. YOU DON’T EVEN DESERVE HIM AS FRIEND.

“Hey, Ed. You OK?”

“Ah… yeah” I lied, as my heart was slowly breaking. Of course I was not OK. But I had nothing to do. I couldn’t just prohibit you to go out with someone. Is not like you were mine to lose, but I still felt I’d lost you.

Then, I met her. She was so nice and polite. All a lady. She’s perfect; nothing could be worse. I was wrong: you were deeply in love with each other. You looked so happy…

And I understood I could go and back from the moon to see you happy, with me in the picture or not. The most important thing is you, right? Even if I have to put the world upside down, even if I have to break my heart one time, and another and another.

It lasted a few months. The very worst of my life. One night you came to my house late (luck my parents were traveling); you were crying. You don’t use to cry, not even in front of me, who has known you for fourteen years. You said Alice had gone far away, to Russia. Her father had been transferred for work, so the whole family moved.

I could say nothing, so I simply hold you and let you cry in my shoulder. I knew I had to be happy, but I wasn’t. Not with you feeling like that. The rage I had accumulated those grey, endless days just disappeared.

I had covered you a lot of times with school, quit with plans and spending time with you, even lied for you so you could date Alice and now she was going far away? I felt terribly upset.

I made all this for them and now everything is screwed up? I threw my feelings away and she’s gone? Is this a ridiculous joke of destiny? Why the fuck is my life a roller coaster?!

“Vincent, listen to me” You forced yourself to look up, but you avoided my eyes. “Everything is going to be fine, OK? Is not the end of the world. You can still mail her and chat”.

“No” you whimpered. “She cut out with me because she didn't want that”. I hold my breath, trying not to scream out. “Hey hey. But it doesn't mean she doesn't love you. I’m sure she did that for you to be happier. Distance relationships are difficult and stressful. She wanted to avert your suffering”.

What’s this? Am I defending the whore who stole Vincent from me, who made me work for their relationship and who broke my best friend’s heart?

When I thought about it later, I knew that made no sense. She had not the fault, I did. I let Vincent go away, I worked for their relationship on my own desire and I was guilty for causing this. I had all the responsibility because I’m a coward.

“Ed, you stole my heart in another way”. I totally froze. Is he confessing? OH MY GOD. IS HE REALLY CONFESSING ME?! “What do you mean?”

“I think you can figure out what I do mean.” You took a deep breath. “I can’t keep this inside anymore, Ed. I… I’m in love with you.”

My mind was completely blank. What should I say? I never thought that day could ever be here, but you were saying you love me. I was supposed to make the first step, not you. I had no idea of how to react, and all my despair started to spill, as huge tears were rolling down my checks.

“Oh, Ed. C’mon. I can understand if now you hate me, but please, don’t cry. I shouldn’t have said it so sudden, but I couldn’t help. I’m so sorry, I’ve betray our friendship… In the end, is impossible for you to like me.”

“No!” I said between whimpers, looking your eyes behind the tears. “It’s not that. Stop saying such horrible things! You are the best person over the Earth and I’m not mad at all. I’m crying ‘cause I’m disappointed of myself!”

“Huh?” your face was of shock.

“I’ve been in love with you since long ago and I never had the courage to tell you because I was afraid, and now you say the words I’ve been waiting for years with such a pure feeling! I’m the one who you should hate, who doesn’t deserve your love…”

“Oh, now you are the one who’s saying horrible things.”

You looked at me once again. Slowly, your fingers lifted my chin, making me shiver. I didn’t notice how anxious I was until you shorten the distance between us. You stop at less of one centimeter; I could feel your breath upon my skin. “Didn’t you hear me, Ed, I love you, and that will never change.” My heart was pounding so hard I thought I could die right there. Then, all the suffering I experimented those days when I wasn’t sure about my feelings came back to my mind. Is this really alright? Is fine that I love my best friend? Is fine that I love my best boy friend? Damn, what should I do? It was the first time I got so nervous for a kiss, but, indeed, I didn’t need to.

You finally pressed your soft lips over mine in a gentle kiss, and all my doubts evaporated. My hands went over your hair and yours around my waist. I felt that it was the way it has to be; nothing else in the world but us. When we separated, you hugged me again, as strong as possible.

I wouldn’t expect what happened after midnight.

You were deeply slept. I could hear your calmed and regular breathing, while I was as less calm as I could. My heart was racing, and I could feel all the blood going up trough my face. God, why should I suffer this?! I thought about going to sleep with mom, but if I’d moved just a centimeter, you could wake up. I didn’t want that.

For the final time, I had you there, with me, as relaxed as always, but so calmed you could be dead. I knew you weren’t because suddenly you started talking in dreams.

“No! That’s my tomato!” you mumbled, “Stupid marshmallow. I’ll roast you in fire of hell!”

I chuckled. It was incredible how clear you could say marshmallow while being asleep.

“If only you knew, Vince...” I sighed for myself.

You rolled back, turning your face in my direction, still dreaming. Your hair was tousled, and it looked like now you were having a nightmare, as your expression was a worry one.

“No, man, come back! Ed I’ll kill you, give it back to me…”

Oh, now I stole his tomato? What kind of crazy dreams do you have, Vincent Reynolds?

“…not fair…that’s my heart… please, don’t go…”

EH?! I STOLE HIS HEART!? No way, that’s not what you think, Ed. It’s just a weird nightmare, nothing more. Probably you stole it in a literal way cutting his chest and taking it crudely.

I tensed even more. My own heart was about to jump out of my chest, and a shiver ran down my spine. I couldn't help myself but wake you up.

“Vincent, hey, Vincent!” I said, shaking your shoulder. You woke startled and you looked at me with wide eyes. Suddenly, you hugged me, wrapping me with your strong arms. It felt warm there.

“Are you OK? What were you dreaming?”

“Ed, I was so scared…” You buried your nose in my hair, aspiring my shampoo scent. “I had a horrible dream; a monstrous marshmallow stole of my schoolbag...”

“A tomato? You spoke in dreams” I confessed. At that point, you avoided my eyes. “How much did I say?” you asked, completely serious. I chose to tell the truth. “After you would kill me.”

“Because?”

“Cause I stole you… something”

“Do you know what it was?”

No, don’t tell him. His dreams are supposed to be private! “Your heart. But man, I’m not that psychopath to take out a bloody beating heart”