#edemil

For me, trust is probably the central theme in all three pairings. I like seeing how my tastes have evolved over the years as I’ve changed as a person.

About edemil

The first pairing on this list was edemil, and my love for them came during a phase when I was drifting between different dependencies… But at the same time, my core internal issue always remained the same — I was deeply disappointed in people and had completely lost my trust in the world, which is why Edgar’s worldview felt especially close to me at its core.

Emil, on the other hand, came across as the safest option — the most devoted and reliable partner for Edgar, someone who would never betray him, never even consider cheating, and would protect him as much as possible. That’s something none of the other Iden characters would truly be able to offer, since the issue of trust is, in a way, common to all of them. Betrayal, violence, emotional detachment, and cruelty are what unite many of the characters in this game, as they’ve all been broken in one way or another by tragic circumstances.

Of course, Emil isn’t a perfect solution either — he has plenty of mental struggles of his own, which sometimes resonate with Edgar’s issues. They can even be aggressive toward each other at times, but that can be worked through with time, the development of attachment, and that very same elusive trust.

About shuake

There’s also a striking contrast between them: a poor young man who was deprived of freedom since childhood yet kept resisting his fate until the very end, and a born aristocrat who has only ever closely known the hypocrisy and deceit of society — something that shaped such a negative view of the world in him.

About akiangel

About a year or more later, I grew to love shuake, and in many ways they are similar to edemil — once again, a reliable Ren tries to earn the trust of a very closed-off and hypocritical Goro, who, much like Edgar, isn’t used to being sincere with others and shares a similar worldview.

But here, different flaws come to the surface — beyond the lack of trust, Goro, in my view, also has a narcissistic trauma. Unlike Edgar, who doesn’t try to gain society’s approval and simply lives in his own isolated reality, Goro, on the contrary, craves to prove to the entire world that he’s worth something — a child who was never loved, deprived of attention from both parents, and who ultimately decided to achieve his goal by any means necessary, even if it meant killing people… To gain society’s attention and love, and to take revenge on the father who rejected him.

And then Ren appears in his path — a strange nobody with remarkable charisma despite being so quiet, someone with a criminal record who lives in an attic… It must be incredibly frustrating to suddenly realize that a random guy out of nowhere can, in an instant, shatter the image you’ve been carefully building for years. But it’s worth noting that this is probably not a coincidence either — I strongly believe that Ren, just like Goro, is a deeply traumatized person who was essentially left to fend for himself from a very young age.

Very little is known about his life before the events of the game, but based on what we see, I come to the following conclusions: most likely, his parents are quite distant toward him, since throughout the entire game there’s not even a hint that they tried to contact him or ask how he was feeling or adjusting to his new life. Moreover, they agreed to his relocation quite easily — as if to keep him out of sight out of shame. Another thing that stands out is Ren’s total composure and resourcefulness — he acts like someone who has truly seen a lot of hardship, calmly dealing with fairly serious problems. He also comes across as quite independent throughout the game, easily taking on any job and providing for himself without much difficulty—much like Goro.

They both feel like self-sufficient people who have gone through hell, yet chose different paths for their lives — Goro made revenge the meaning of his life, deeply resentful and disappointed in the world, no longer letting anyone get close to him, while Ren chooses to let go of the past and move forward, to live by his sense of justice, boldly stepping into the unknown and, through his openness and honesty, gathering many people around him.

And this leads to another thought — Akechi, unusually for himself, begins to trust Amamiya because, firstly, he feels that they are similar, that Ren can understand him, and secondly… as unpleasant as it is to admit, Akechi perceives Ren as a kind of light — a person who could lead someone like Goro, who is drowning in his own anger, out of the darkness.

However… Goro still tries, to the very end, to resist blindly following Ren, choosing instead to remain true to himself and walk his own path. And that deserves immense respect, while at the same time making the whole situation even more tragic… I could have ended up the same way, if I hadn’t made a conscious choice to change both my priorities and myself.

So, what about akiangel? I discovered them relatively recently — just a few months ago — but they truly captured my heart. By that point, I had already changed a lot: I had worked through many of my mental struggles and finally learned to love and value myself, as well as to see other people differently — not as functions or as a way to fulfill my needs, but as independent, self-sufficient individuals who, just like me, live their own separate lives and are not an integral part of my personal reality.

I became whole in my solitude, and akiangel unexpectedly became a reflection of that change. On the surface, they still echo my previous pairings — the contrast between a strong, independent guy and a more androgynous, melancholic young man with self-destructive tendencies (Edgar, by the way — forgot to mention earlier that this guy is just as drawn to death as Angel). However, at their core, they are very different from edemil and shuake.

Of course, each of them has a tragic backstory — Aki’s independence, for example, is rooted in the trauma of losing his entire family, which forced him from a young age to learn how to live on his own, without relying on anyone. He isn’t exactly the most open or emotionally expressive person — there’s a certain closed-off nature to him—but at the same time, he remains quite honest, straightforward, and even somewhat rough around the edges. Angel isn’t particularly open either, but he is just as honest.

Their relationship feels very stable and calm — there’s no place for lies, no room for rivalry, no betrayal. They can trust each other completely, without hesitation; they are fully certain of one another and can be a source of support for each other, even though both are used to their own solitude. It feels so mature and healthy that I don’t even have the words to fully express my admiration for such a perfect kind of relationship.

I still love edemil and shuake, because they raise important questions and themes, but akiangel has become something of a revelation for me — a symbol of a new stage in my own life. And yet, they still carry a certain sense of tragedy due to Angel’s nature, which, in my opinion, only makes their relationship more compelling and unique. It’s a truly pure love — one that can exist beyond basic human desires and impulses, something higher than the mundane, beyond the physical.

Thanks to everyone who read all the way to the end—you’re my heroes 🤲🤲🤲

It’s about the soul and nobility. About reliability and strength. And it’s the most beautiful thing one could imagine…

_____________________________________________