Jun 24, 2022
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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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All I have left of my baby are four small incisions that will eventually fade but will forever be a reminder of everything I lost that day.
a grieving mother
First Time
Hello,
I wanted to post on here what I posted privately on my public Tumblr:
February 10, 2017
Today i had an abortion. Something I would have never thought I would do in my life. After being there for my mom when she got her own, I promised I would be careful enough to not be in that situation. I failed that promise. I went to the doctors today and found out I was 5 weeks pregnant. Luckily, my boyfriend was there by my side the entire time. I cried. I was in shock, but I knew what the right thing was to do. Couple hours after finding out I was pregnant I had an abortion. Turns out it was an ectopic pregnancy. The chances of it being a normal pregnancy were very low, I was bound to have many more complications than the ones I was having already. Today I was in so much pain, both physically and emotionally. I wouldn’t have been able to care for a child. As much as I’ve always wanted one, this is not the time. I can accept the decision i made today and move on with my life. Be better. Learn from this mistake and never let it happen again. Today, i make a promise that I’ll keep with all my heart. I’m never having an abortion again unless it is benefiting my health. If God, Buddha, or whoever allowed me to become pregnant once again, I will not terminate it’s gift.
Looking back at that post now I forgot to mention something. After taking my mom to her own abortion appointment, she asked me not to share that information with my siblings. This is something is still to this day have not shared and I want to say it happened back in 2012/2013? She also told me that this was one of the hardest thing she had gone through and hope that I would never have to go through this either.
Mom - You are the strongest person I know. <3
For any religious, misogynistic zealots saying you can “replant” an ectopic pregnancy - no, you fucking can’t. I had one. It almost killed me. I don’t regret terminating it - BECAUSE IT WAS FUCKING KILLING ME. It was also a mistake due to my IUD moving. All of these anti-reproductive and anti-abortion legislation pieces are FULL of ignorant, misogynistic bullshit. “Replanting” ectopics isn’t fucking possible. Your religious views are garbage, they don’t belong in my healthcare, and we don’t share the same religion anyway. Fuck. You. #AbortionIsHealthcare
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Details on my ectopic pregnancy treatment with methotrexate
The Ectopic
"Your uterus is empty" they say, as they perform the scan. But it's my heart that empties, as I hold your father's hand. "We'll give you an injection and the ectopic will resolve". The ectopic is what they call you, my baby, who we dearly long to hold. And to "resolve" has nothing the meaning which it might to you and I. Instead, it's a polite way of telling us you will die. "Not viable", we hear them say, which means that you won't live. We'll never get to take you home or share the love we have to give. "They had an ectopic" is the way they describe what's happened, which hardly seems to recognize, we had a baby who has died.
Update:
As of yesterday my HCG was 4. Ultimately ideally we want it at 0 but 4 is considered a negative value and not pregnant.
I’m not sure what my emotions are.
I have an HSG scheduled for Monday February 4th that I am very anxious about. If there is any bad news it’s important that I know, but of course I’m hoping there isn’t. I don’t know how to handle anymore negative fertility related news to be honest.
I’m exhausted and emotionally spent.