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Meursault from The Stranger is actually a very relatable character, because i too, when subjected to hot weather, start having murderous urges
my dealer: got some straight gas🔥😛 this strain is called "uvular theory" 😳 you'll be zonked out of your gourd💯
me: yeah whatever. i don't feel shit.
5 minutes later: dude i swear that depalatalization is cross-linguistically far less common than palatalization, especially on such a scale as if it were to take place uniformly in all centum branches. Also, the "palatovelar" stops are way more common than the "velar" ones, something that appears very unusual, if we were to accept the mainstream theory regarding the place of articulation of these phonemes.
my buddy *Bʰíl-h₁eḱwos pacing: the Indo-Europeanists are lying to us.
the occurrence section of every rare vowel phoneme article on wikipedia looks like this:
> germanic language #1 | some speakers | ...
> germanic language #2 | xyz dialect | ...
> germanic language #3 | xyz dialect/city | ...
> language heavily influenced by germanic languages | xyz dialect | ... (optional)
what if instead of fricatives there were 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴atives and we made them by placing our articulators close together..

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i love you lateral obstruents i lovs you /ɬ/ i love tou /ɮ/ i love you /tɬ/ i lovr you /dɮ/ AND DONT GET ME STARTED ON THE ORTHOGRAPHY-