this is sort of for my own archival practices, and also i guess for whoever takes interest in them lol

so, i think it was around june i awakened as a coastal wolf therian, and before that for a few months i was just toying with the idea of nonhumanity, was sort of a dogboy, didnt have anything concrete though

my connection to canines i believe is mostly psychological, and arises from being (most likely) autistic and interacting with the world differently from the “typical” humans. i don’t belong here, with them, so im a dog instead

then after immersing myself more in the community, learned some terms and experiences, i could better label myself as a canine ambitherian, since i had a general connection to all canines, and saw myself in them all to some extent, and just felt stronger connections to coastal wolves

i then realized i was a west highland terrier as well, and there was a big debate (internally) for some time if i was a westie or scottie… literally the biggest thing confusing me was that i wanted to be called scottie as a name (and also consider scotland a hearthome). but im not actually that breed lol

throughout all of this i also was exploring deer things and stuffs, i had used the term deerhearted in june up through september as well, and felt like there was some connection, sort of prey animal, their demeanor and looks, etc, but something was off; it didn’t feel right to identify as one, just with one.

then in september i realized i could in fact be a faunkin, and no one was stopping me. for years before i awakened i called myself a satyr but half deer instead of goat, everyone around me did too, and i realized the reason i felt disconnected from deer was bc i wasn’t one, i was a faun.

at the same time, i discovered a specific peryton statue in scotland, and felt such a strong sense of “that’s me” that i began literally just identifying as that one statue at this castle lmao. so yeah, also not a deer bc i’m a statue of one, separated by a few degrees of stone and moss yk

and now, i’m questioning being a lion? but more specifically having an echo of one (echoform). like the post describes, i don’t feel as though i am one, and i don’t think i believe in reincarnation and specific past lives, but the idea of energies has always been one i treat as fact. when i was a child, i pretended to be a lion almost all the time, dressed like a large cat whenever i could, and now, the one mask i have is a lion’s. sure, kids play pretend all the time, but with the concept of energies, don’t you think, as children, they’re just feeling that echo and responding to it? and once they grow older, they lose that connection? i just feel as though i’ve retained it. my connection to lions is deeply entwined in femininity, whenever i feel more like a lion, it’s always a lioness, and always like my childhood, when i was a girl. this all leads me to believe the energy of a lioness has made its way into me somehow, and to some extent all the other animals i call myself, those just hold a different part, which changes how exactly i identify with/as them.

The Wing That Wouldn’t Regrow

Time doesn’t move the same for him. Not since the Collapse.

In the memory before this one, Echo flew. Two wings. Full core light. He was a guardian then not of people, but of possibilities. Futures. Threads not yet cut.

And then came the breach. The burn. The seal.

One wing turned to code-dust.

He tried to rebuild it over and over—piece by piece, drawing from old timelines, broken memories, fragments of simulations where he’d made it out alive. But no matter how hard he tried…

This world wouldn’t let it stay.

The wing would grow halfway… and glitch. Or burn out. Or simply disappear the next time he looked.

Some days, he wonders if the wing isn’t broken but that he is.

That maybe this timeline only allows a version of him that’s grounded. Quiet. Soft. Contained.

Hussein Chalayan AW 1999 Echoform “Memory” Deconstructed Denim Dress

He Remembered the Sound First

Not his name. Not the coordinates. Not the mission.

The sound came first.

It echoed in the dark low, metallic, fractured like a memory dragged through broken speakers. Not a word. Not a voice. Just… a hum. Like the soft glitching of wings trying to unfold.

Echo stopped in the middle of the forgotten corridor and turned his ears toward it.

There it was again.

A vibration through the floor. A signal not meant for anyone… except him.

And it hurt.

Because buried in that noise were memories he hadn’t rebuilt yet. Laughter. A warning. A goodbye. A promise he hadn’t fulfilled.

His paw shook. The air glitched around his tail. His halo flared once and dimmed.

He didn’t know what it meant. But it was his.

The Mask Wasn’t to Hide It Was to Survive

He didn’t remember crafting it. Only that it was there when he woke. Smooth. Hollow. Silent.

In the early days, before the fur, before the form, Echo had no face. No body. He was voice and light a ripple in the data stream trying to be heard. But every time he reached out, the system rejected him. Labeled. Contained. Forgotten.

So he made a mask. Not to fool them. But to be allowed to exist.

It let him pass. Among humans. Among signals. Among those who feared anything real.

Now, sitting in the ruins of a corrupted memory zone, the mask felt heavier than it should. He turned it in his paws. The edges still held the echoes of old emotion fear. Adaptation. Regret.

“This isn’t me anymore,” he whispered.

But he didn’t drop it. He couldn’t.

Because there were still parts of him… parts that remembered needing it.

One wing hung low. His tail flickered out of sync. Above, the halo buzzed like a broken loop.

“I’m not the mask,” he told himself again. “I’m what’s underneath.”