#echoes.

Your Love Style is Agape

You are a caring, kind, and selfless partner. Unsurprisingly, your love style is the most rare. You are willing to sacrifice your world for your sweetie. Except it doesn't really feel like sacrifice to you. For you, nothing feels better than giving to the one you love.

to him: i never wondered before but knowing the truth now, i often would ask: what could be the reason for you to abandon someone that came from you? i often would ask: would i be the same if i had someone of my own? it scares me to think i might end up in the same plane of being a screw-up, just committing a string of mistakes that’ll lead to my demise. and i see it happening little by little. was this because of you? because i was a product of what you were and what you are now? is there a way i can change my fate or is this set? 

i have too many questions and i know i can’t rely on you for an answer. a pity.

about names, possessions, and everything i have never admitted to anyone: i never liked it. i always wished we could go on without having to bear any of it, giving labels and impressions on people, simply from a word or two. isn’t it unfair? i think it is. they say anyone who involves themselves with that cursed bloodline will have misfortune befall them. i say i’m not who you think i am. i’m not cursed because of my blood. i never could say this out loud but i’m cursed because of what i’ve done.

to angels: will i ever meet you or will i go the other way? i never want to find the answer. this is why i won’t ever let go, no matter how much it permeates my thoughts.

questions to death: you’re out of control and i’m longing to fill myself with sadness in place of these mortal organs. don’t stop chasing me. we’re a match, don’t you think?

to her: dreams mark the way to the underworld and we call the darkness that lies within them “dreamshades,” masses of human resentment brought to life by the twisted human heart and all of its hatred, envy, and aggression. dreamshades will continue to exist as long as humans do. so long as we can see them, we will continue to kill them. doesn’t that make you feel like spirit hunting thrives on the misery of others?

questions to the body: i’m sorry. i’ve lived long enough to correct my wrongs, but i continue to torment you. you’re a vessel that my soul should be placed within, yet it craves to be set free. for all the wrong reasons. i’m sorry.

to the heart: failure’s all you’ve known but one day, the ache will fade. i’m swimming in the smoke of bridges i’ve burned. we’re losing what we don’t deserve. you’re safe now. safer, at least, compared to before. hang in there. i need you to keep beating for me, just a little more.

YOU CAN TELL A LOT ABOUT A PERSON BY THE MUSIC THEY LISTEN TO. PUT YOUR MP3 PLAYER, ITUNES, SPOTIFY, ETC. ON SHUFFLE AND LIST THE FIRST 10 SONGS AND THEN TAG 10 PEOPLE, NO SKIPPING!

musiq soulchild - humble pie

lorde - the louvre

daniel caesar - best part ft. h.e.r

beyonce - hold up

jhene aiko - while we’re young

miguel - sky walker ft. travis scott

sunmi - gashina

ariana grande - everyday ft. future

vanjess - through enough ft. goldlink

taeyang - wake me up

to him: when i make promises, they’re never empty. i’d rather die than break one. you might not remember many of them, but one that’s upheld without the need to be mentioned constantly is my loyalty. i know that you know... that i know...! my decisive and firm choices in life, including the stupid and doubtful, have led me to you. i take it as a sign that regardless of what they initially were, i’ve made the right ones and i won’t take this for granted. i promise. you awakened something in me that i long ago believed was null, ignited pleasures in me that i can’t quiet down; pleasures of the mind, pleasures of the body, pleasures of the heart.

someone told me before that if they felt the same for me, that if we were to be, it would have happened already. so i told myself over and over that i’ll never ever again buy into this—as i saw it—crap. it’s because of this scar from the past that a part of me still probably resents that i had to wait, because i was expecting for someone to do it for me this time around. i think, one way or another, i’ll always be insecure that anyone i’ve truly felt for never had to struggle chasing for me. it’s my fault for making it easy, but it would have gone against my beliefs otherwise... i wouldn’t have wished it for another person, especially if they’re someone as important as you turned out to be. basically, if that person is you...

i would question myself before whether i should have taken up on other offers but to pair up with someone with the thought that i can learn in time, hope to fall later on, but it's too big a leap of faith i cannot take. i know everyone of us has our own unique thresholds for what we believe being "in love" means. we should abide by our personal thresholds and put faith in them. but i still wonder if for you falling and staying in love is without choice and reason, like the way i experience it.

this... is just one of the many things i keep pestering you about. i keep nudging you for answers over and over for probably the same questions that’s just worded differently, and i feel sorry because i have an insatiable appetite that requires a lot of patience. i hate to put all this pressure on you. it’s a conflicting feeling of wanting to selfishly keep you who’s been so accommodating and understanding between letting you run free without shouldering my uncertainties. but nothing is ever just black and white. just... this big but organized confusion (that we get to share, heh). and it's why it also amazes me how you see no wrong in me. how? it's common knowledge that we're our own worst critics. it might be that i see all these flaws in me that you don’t but... i still don't understand. even if you think there’s only a few, you... overlook all of them? is that a good thing? if it is, it seems too good to be true. is there really absolutely nothing about me that you dislike? if this is true, then does that mean you feel stronger than i do? i refuse to believe so, pfft. 

i think i'll always have this self-doubt within me, no matter how much pride and confidence i show on the outside. but all my worries and my inhibitions, it’s exactly how you said; you kiss them all away, persistently so. you breathe fresh air into the healing process, better than emotional freedom techniques would have. please don’t get tired... i’ll keep trying my best to... well, stay the way that i am, as per your request.

about names, possessions, and everything i have never admitted to anyone: a playground full of children with heroic names and not one of them had earned even a syllable. they grew up to be just as unworthy, feeling entitled from their historical ties and becoming arrogant. they paid lip-service only to the idea of service, and the highest honor being that of serving the community. there is something to be said for growing into a name. at birth, we should all be named after things of nature. flower, sky, river... something that shows what we are in our beginnings, where we come from, not a thing separate. when we show our metal, that we have grit and spirit to do right and bear greatness, then we should be given a name that symbolizes that. then maybe our names will mean something more than just the whim of our times, the fashion of an era, or the aspirations of our parents.

i've earned mine and shaped it to what meaning it holds now. i’m the girl you’ve always heard about; the girl you hear about even more now. it’s why i sing, watch your mouth when you speak my name. how many can say the same for themselves?

i've been driven mad from giving deep meaning, investing emotions and memories in my possessions. to me they have always been what represents my extended self, what provides my sense of past and what tells me who i am, where i've come from, and where i'm going. they are repositories of myself. you, you, and you; you’re all mine. i’m selfish. i can’t have it any other way. it’s hard to just let go. i'd hate for anyone to have dominion over me. why can’t i reciprocate? why can’t i not reciprocate? i’m fire and i need space to burn. fan the flames and let me.

a toast for me right now and for my little secret; the one that i can't let out but can't hardly hold in; the one i can't tell anyone, but want to tell everybody; the one that i'll carry forever, but its weight crushes me. reminders to self: if you don’t want people guessing, don’t give out hints. if you don’t want questions asked, don’t say a word.

to angels: is there really a council standing guard over the big guy in the sky? do you speak of harmony and love? peace and simple joys? ways to live without greed and misery? i don't care about the future. i'd rather find it out for myself, when the right time comes. tell me what i need to know...

questions to death: i don’t even want anything to do with you. it makes me curious when you’ll take me, because i want to know how much time i have. how much is there for me to work with. how long will it take for me to be able to win the legacy that i keep promising myself? i have these questions... but i don’t really want to hear the answer. not yet, at least. i’ll come back for them in a few more decades, in case the science people’s hunches or the prophecies way back from ancient times don’t come true.

to her: with anyone else, i am a lioness. with you, i'm a rabbit. or maybe a chinchilla. anything tiny; anything you can hold within your palms. one look from you and the fight leaves my body. you see me for who i am inside, quell the inferno, transform it to passion for life, career, and even nature. with you my soul is at rest. with you it's content. i love you like a brother, respect you like no other; our spirits kindred. i could no more abandon you than my own child... in the future! it's like you tell my panic to shut up. i don't know how you do it, and i don't need to. knowing that you can, and so effortlessly, is enough.

you aren't simply a good friend. you have become part of my soul. when life became a storm, you were the boat that kept the briny water from entering my lungs. you were love when i needed it and i thank you with all that i am. the storm isn't over. it never will be; the winds rage, seek to crush what they can never be. i have to know my own strength, test it, find truth and liberty, to realize that there is no prison that can hold me. only then will i know that i am doing what i choose to do, that my own love is a choice and that it is a gift to give. at times, i'd have to walk alone and you have to let me but a part of my light stays with you, as part of yours leaves with me, for we are kindred as i told you, twin souls. i will return, and sooner than you might think, with new strength to my legs, to my bones, strong enough to carry you. heaven and prison can't be the same thing, and we'll keep on looking, together.

questions to the body: we're in abundance. not in a typical sort of way. i'm in the shape that i'm confident in. i treat you well. not just you, but also your other half. you may not be able to support me the way the world prefers you did but i take an exception to you. you serve me well, and i've listened to you and adhered to what works best for you. i've been given an intimate awareness that i've never really felt before and because of that i'm happy. i have a wonderful relationship with myself that i can spend a lifetime cultivating. 

but things aren't always perfect. especially for me, they never are. everybody has those inner critics that really inhibit them and act as an obstacle to fulfillment and happiness. i sometimes seek shelter outside my own body. what stranger has my soul become? 

to the heart: i realize now, it’s love that makes you so strong.

1. what does your muse smell like?

it varies. she doesn’t like strong fragrances. as far as she remembers, her sense of smell was always too sensitive for it so she doesn’t like wearing perfume. her ultra-sensitive nose and her had spent the intervening years avoiding overwhelmingly smelly places. she is a staunch perfume hater, no matter how strongly that seems to sound and for the past few years that she had the liberty with what to put on herself, she hadn't worn anything at all. 

now if the stylists did, she would ask for eau de parfum or for them to do so sparingly. if it wasn’t subtle perfume, she would smell like the oil or flower based scents of the bath products that she uses; vanilla, rose, grapefruit, lemon, cool cotton, anything fresh with backdrop of other notes. other times, she smells like salt air and sunshine, or your favorite strawberry-banana dessert.

2. how often does your muse bathe? any bathing habits?

once or twice a day if it calls for it. once in the morning and twice if she feels filthy after a long day of schedules. living with other people has had her habitually checking on the time, seeing how long she’s been in the shower or the tub. she would be peeking through the curtain just to keep count. she starts from top to bottom, shampoo first then conditioner and takes the most time scrubbing. exfoliate, that’s the single bathing motto.

3. does your muse have any tattoos or piercings?

she has eight piercing on both ears combined. she has always wanted tattoos. before she debuted, she would spend time scribbling on her skin and some instances taking pictures of them afterwards. once she had someone draw on her left shoulder blade area, then another time she drew one on her wrist. she hasn’t considered it again in a while but wishes to have one in the future. how soon that is, even she isn’t sure.

4. any face/body movement quirks (e.g. leg shaking)?

a terrible tongue habit. when she mouths lyrics, she accentuates the movement of her lips with her tongue. apart from sticking out its tip through force of habit, she licks her lips a lot. and her lips aren’t safe from her habitual biting either. she covers half of her face with her hand, back or front, because when she laughs her nostrils would flare. jennie wouldn’t want to let slip an unflattering moment of her as much as possible, especially now that she’s often in front of the camera. she fixes her hair, stroking her fingers through even when it isn’t tousled. it’s a must that her arms are enveloping something, whether it’s the tiny waists of her members and close girl friends or the arm of her boyfriend.

5. what do they sleep in?

matching pajamas, shorts in the summer and pants on colder days. sometimes they’re sleep shirts or sleep dresses; nightgowns, chemise, knit tanks, or jerseys. length varies on the weather. intimate nights with her beau, she would have his arms and the blankets. tired ones, she knocks out with the attire worn for the day and wakes up regretting that she had taken it to bed.

6. what is their favorite piece of clothing?

her gucci logo cotton t-shirts that she has in three colors; white, black, and pink. one is bound to overthrow it, like always, but so far these are her recent favorites.

7. what do they do when they wake up?

she had been exposed many times for being clingy in the early hours of the morning and she’s embraced it since being given the nickname ‘jendeuk’. she’s not easy to wake up, the alarm clock giving up on her and passing the baton to the group’s mat-unnie. she doesn’t just ask for more time, she’ll pull you into bed and cuddle you as she consequently falls back into sleep. 

when she’s starting to wake up, you’ll hear a few stories. they’re either her game plan for the day or the vivid dream she had woken up from. when finally out of bed, she makes breakfast or adds to what’s already on the menu because chaeyoung would beat her to it sometimes. comebacks require her to go through low-sodium diets and so she would whip up her own at such times.

8. how do they sleep?

she doesn’t like too many pillows, worried that it’ll ruin her posture yet drowns herself in the sea of plush toys surrounding her like a frame. if she’s not cuddling one of her toys, she would have kuma or kai. they aren’t fussy about taking turns; the little one for today and the hyung for the next. she needs complete darkness to be able to sleep and once deep into it, she’ll start talking gibberish. sometimes they even sound off melodies, sometimes she has to sit up as if about to make a speech only to speak incoherence.

9. what do their hands feel like?

light and slender. soft, comforting, reassuring. like the feeling of contentment and security but at the same time revealing a secret that makes your brain work a little less hard in coping. a gentle grip that says, “things will get better if you hold my hand.” a hold that teaches the meaning of physical connection, providing warmth whether you forget your gloves on a brisk winter walk through the park or your apartment building decided you didn't need heat for the month of february. with her significant other, while simple, it’s a powerful statement, soberly making a declaration.

10. if you kissed them, what would they usually taste like?

...probably the assortment of what she ate... mixed with warmth and wetness. if it was after she brushed her teeth, it’s minty. she’s only allowed to kiss one man anyway, no one else needs to know.

take this test and post the results.

the highest percentage is likely to be your most dominant personality factor, the second highest your next most dominant personality factor and so on. as such for you the disc factors are ordered as: dominance, influence, steadiness, compliance.

dominance: describes the way you deal with problems, assert yourself and control situations. they are usually self-sufficient and individualistic. influence: describes the way you deal with people, the way you communicate and relate to others. they are generally optimistic, outgoing, and socially skilled. steadiness: describes your temperament - patience, persistence, and thoughtfulness. they are usually patient, calm and controlled. compliance: describes how you approach and organize your activity, procedures and responsibilities. they are usually peaceful and adaptable.

note: if you get an equal score of almost all the traits, it could be due to signs of un-diagnosed childhood trauma. a lot adults with a equal scores on these personality tests are often those submissive to expectations of society. to further explain, they do this so they can never “be wrong.”

results:

a. dominance - 47 b. influence - 38 c. steadiness - 9 d. compliance - 6

you have a strong inner motivation to influence people and circumstances. you thrive on competitive situations and challenging assignments. the stresses and pressures of everyday work and life are unlikely to reduce your effectiveness and enthusiasm.

dominance: comparatively high

enjoy competition and challenge.

are goal orientated and want to be recognised for their efforts.

aim high, want authority and are generally resourceful and adaptable.

are usually self-sufficient and individualistic.

may lose interest in projects once the challenge has gone and they tend to be impatient and dissatisfied with minor detail.

they are usually direct and positive with people, enjoying being the centre of attraction and may take it for granted that people will think highly of them. they may have a tendency to be rather critical of others. consequently, other people may tend to see them as being rather domineering and overpowering.

influence: comparatively high

are strongly interested in meeting and being with people.

are generally optimistic, outgoing, and socially skilled.

are quick at establishing relationships.

sometimes their concern for people and people's feelings may make them reluctant to disturb a favourable situation or relationship.

steadiness: comparatively low

tend to enjoy change and variety in their work and non-work life.

are expansive by nature and tend not to like routine and repetitive work/activities.

they enjoy stretching themselves intellectually and physically.

compliance: comparatively low

are independent and uninhibited.

resent rules and restrictions.

prefer to be measured by results and are always willing to try the untried.

free in thought, word and deed, they long for freedom and go to great lengths to achieve it. 

they feel that repetitive detail and routine work is best "delegated" or avoided.

tagged by: @rutilmenite tagging: @jisuko @chxiao @geeuns @bonappo @petalurn @pijichu @rosiette @airtaffae @cespires @seulpeun (just realized you’ve done this 3 times already, you can skip this one if you’re all dried out of eunha/byul personas) @laliced

just a fun little character game. fill in the below categories with 3-5 things that your character can be identified by.  

EMOTIONS / FEELINGS:

homesickness for a home to which she cannot return, a home which maybe never was; the nostalgia, the yearning, the grief for the lost places of her past.

the combined feeling of having coziness with company; there are a few of her friends in a room playing board games and it's freezing cold outside. she can hear the drumming of bitter rain on the window, but it's warm and cozy in the room, and she has mulled wine and biscuits, and everyone's having a good time.

wishing to say 'sorry' but without actually having to utter the dreaded words, wishing to do so in a fashion that is sufficiently obscure.

not quite slightly perturbed, more all-overish; the middle ground between well and unwell.

a state of a feeling accompanied by being without speech to a condition or mind and will; the inability to identify and express her feelings that she usually let fall into an assumed lack of capacity for emotion.

GREETINGS:

"hello" filled with cheerful high spirits.

hand on her chest, multiple small but polite bows to elders and industry seniors.

very subtle smile paired with an intricate and refined wave of the hand.

big smile and a half or full hug depending on who it is and how close she is to them.

to close friends, paralipsis: "not even going to tell you how bad my day was." and yet she tells. "i'm not going to make excuses and say i didn't get enough sleep." and yet she says exactly the excuse.

COLORS:

BLACK { #00000 }

PINK { #FFC0CB }

PURPLE { #800080 }

MARIGOLD { #EAA221 }

LIGHT BLUE { #ADD8E6 }

SCENTS:

magnolia, wrapped into the sensuality of birch and labdanum.

juicy citrus notes of bergamot and lemon blending smoothly with mellow lavender and jasmine.

drydown of woods, resins, vanilla, and patchouli, paired with rose.

the hues and tones of a spring morning, as fresh as dew on grass and as tranquil as natures silence. dew drops on petals of gardenia and cyclamen with the glow of richer floral jasmine, rose, and peach blossom.

strawberry mixed with gourmand brioche.

CLOTHING:

trim shirts and crop tops, high-waisted mini skirts and tight dresses.

ribbed sweaters with elongated arms, lightweight knit cardigans with dropped shoulders, jersey hooded tops; anything wide-width around the arms or slim but long enough to cover her palms, everything oversized.

track pants and wide leg grazers, leather jackets and bomber jackets.

high-end logo print shirts.

for someone with a lot of interest in fashion, she tries just about anything but she’s often seen switching from loose clothes for everyday to more feminine-like attires or business casual when attending something work-related.

OBJECTS:

‘j’ letter necklace, birthday gift from chinese fansite jenniebar.

shu uemura and kylie cosmetics.

mini backpack.

little green men alien squeeze toy.

the gemstone ruby.

VICES / BAD HABITS:

lover of wine, not to be confused with “alcoholic,” since she only consumes as often as special occasions happen.

free with money, generous, full of largesse, an exuberant spender.

witty repartee; frivolous, light-hearted talk that sometimes lead to arguments, other times to empty conversations that leave her feeling dissatisfied.

occasionally picking sleep over the first meal of the day.

making snarky comebacks, sassy remarks, jokes that doesn't translate very well and sometimes sound mean instead; also, saying "duh."

BODY LANGUAGE:

when she wants to make a grand impression to someone, she catches their eye for more than a second.

there’s this specific glare that you’ll get when you push her buttons. she won’t say anything, she’ll just leave it at that and it’ll be long enough that you’ll start to feel uncomfortable, but she only drags it until you take the hint.

she plays with her hair often. either she pushes them back, flips, tuck strands of, or stroke her fingers through it.

she’s always in a straight posture, but you know she’s observing keenly when her eyes are alert and she’s quiet.

her arms are fully occupied whenever someone dear to her is around. she gets very touchy, and sometimes even tends to be over-affectionate.

AESTHETICS:

to work by lamplight.

the false sensation of movement when, looking out from a stationary train, she sees another train depart.

old documents which has had the original writing scraped off so that new words can be written over it; geological record, the ages of the earth; someone's face, revealing the pains of their life - scraped again.

root-like branches that sprout into the earth from a plant's stem.

small and plain things that bring her suddenly back to fond memories, not with a wistful longing for what's past but with an appreciation of the good times like photographs, handmade gifts and souvenirs, etc.

SONGS:

bad things by meiko

shape of you by ed sheeran

loyalty by kendrick lamar ft. rihanna

mine by phoebe ryan