#ec roscoe

So. On March 11, 2018. I had to go up to my family’s house to see out oldest dog. She had not been doing well and they planned on going to bring her to the vet on Sunday morning. She had not been eating her food, she was barely drinking any water, and when they would bring her outside she would want to go further out back into the woods and lay down and eat the snow. Worst of all, it all was more than likely based off of the large lump that had grown in her neck.

My mom did her best to get everyone up here but only my second oldest sister and her kids and boyfriend were able to make it along with the third oldest sister and her husband and his kid. I was the child who was with my Golden Girl from the start as a puppy so it was absolutely important for my mom to get me to showed up and stay for the night; just in case. My Girl for the most time she laid on her spot and we would come over to see her. Sometimes she would get up to go see the kids. Mostly my second oldest Sister’s daughter. (She is also the one I and her draw together.) But for the most part, she was there and watched everyone. March 12, around 4:58 in the morning. I ended up having to take the dogs outside and my Golden Girl didn’t want to go back in. It was cold and i was in my Pj’s. It took me till 5:23 to get her back inside from waiting and convincing her to come back in. No, Correction. I begged. 9:12. I woke back up and had to get ready to leave in time so My Girl can make it to her check up to see what was wrong with her. I ate and was able to get ready. The last few days before i came up to my folks place i was coming down with sickness and the weather was pretty shitty. So when i was able to go outside to pack what i brought into the car that morning the sky was clear and blue with partial clouds here and there and my sinuses were cleared up a bit so i didn’t need to use a whole lot of tissues. During the hour and a half ride back, i ended up being compelled to take pictures of the sky. . . and of my Golden Girl. She was smiling, she barely did that when i was over at the house. I still have them on my phone, even the blurry ones. My dad suggested that I should be dropped off at my house instead of coming along, I only complied since i did have to do a lot of things around the house today. So i grabbed my things. I hugged my girl, gave her a kiss and asked her to be a good girl. Sometime around 11 or 12, I had just gotten out of the shower and was trying to get my nerves to relax when I get a call from my mom. My Girl, My Golden Girl, My Harley; she had formed the last stages of cancer on her throat and had at tops 30 days left to live, and it was then my dad made the decision to put her down. Mom was crying on the phone and i was cracking too. It was until i hung up that i broke down completely. I know that maybe most of you who have a pet know what it is like to lose a companion. For those who have not known what it is like, think of it like losing a family member. I know come can’t connect animals to a emotional connection and just say that; it’s a dog. Yes. you are correct, It is a dog. But its was our dog; my dog. And if i am to be blunt, That Shit Hurts Like Hell When We Lose Them. So this entire time i have been in a state of on and off sadness and depression, going to my job, listening to music, and talking to the mun’s on Discord. I only did two venting images before i set my tablet down for a week, not able to bring myself to pick it back up. When i finally did pick it up again, all i could do was poor sketches that grew back into my normal style. For the most part it was venting. But now as of late i have been drawing what cheers me up the most which is Shipping fanart, Outfit designs, and creating Oc’s. On occasion i would get myself to rp but it comes out as bursts of text. Recently within maybe a week or two i have been getting out of my bubble and have been reaching out to other Discord Channels for interactions as well as reblogging a few posts here and there on Tumblr. But even then, i feel like emotionally i am still not ready yet to fully get myself back into the swing of things, even though i crave it so much right now.