#eatchaos

' i do ! i type in my address manually every time i get food delivered on uber eats now, 'cause it turns out i was sending it to my ex's house for a while. that's where all our missing stuff was -- my bad. ' @outself

prompted. // @eatchaos

blood spewed unapologetically from his mouth, staining his clothes on its way to the floor. was he dead? not yet. was he dying? perhaps. oh god, perhaps, and there would only be more of them once the door gave way.

trapped in a building with a little girl for protection, swarms of the undead screaming outside. the door would break. she would die. he would die. he’d regenerate. he’d die again. they’d never get their fill of his flesh. hector would become the new prometheus. hell, wasn’t he delivering the answer to humanity’s problems to those who would be able to wield it? maybe he was the new prometheus. how fucking terrible.

this didn’t happen every time, so probably he wasn’t as close to death as he thought he was despite the grotesque neck wound, but hector stood, stared across the room, and concentrated. he willed himself to live. he held his breath, allowing the tissue to heal faster (or so he pictured in his mind). 

“we need to move,” god it sounded awful. something between an aggressive cold, and not having spoken a word for weeks. croaky. unhealthy, to say the least. he cleared his throat, wiped the blood from his mouth, and started walking.

TWENTY EIGHT. THINGS YOU SAID BUT NOT ALOUD.

i forgive you .

                                                   this was when he was five years old . he was a very small thing . nothing fancy , nothing magnificent . his brothers were all already big and tall with shining eyes and quick tongues and handsome faces . he’s walking around asking brothers to play with him . a thing , he thinks , he’s been doing his whole life . this will be the first memory of his abuse . runo’s fists would feel like concrete thrown across his jaw , rudi’s kicks will feel like a branch has snapped itself under his chest . he didn’t breathe for an hour . when jasper found him later , crawling and shaking behind a curtain in their playroom with his broken trojan horse all over the floor : he stepped on them , snarled how useless hans was .

                              and hans will sniff , convinced himself that maybe it’s him . he’s asked too many times of his siblings . he should’ve known better . he deserves this . every pain , every misery . and so , to a retreating shadow of his tenth brother , hans whispered the words he can’t quite croak . i forgive you .

.

you’re right.

                        hans learns the taste of never admitting defeat well by the time he’s ten years old . blood tastes horrible and metallic against the roof of his mouth .  he’s pinned on the floor with rudi on top , keeping him down while runo feeds him hays . sharp hays . hays that makes hans’ white teeth coats with the colour of hideous , hideous red . there’re tears streaming down his eyes , from the pain and sorrow and the strings of ‘stop’ that can’t come out . somewhere , in the background , jasper is laughing . they’re so young , hans will think this later when he’s older , never could quite getting rid of the shiver that will run down his spine when he sees the mad twinkle in his brothers’ eyes as hans continues to suffer . they’re so young and already so rotten . how could that be ?

                    “ you’re weak , hans . father will never see your worth . nobody will . ”

                      you’re right , but hans has injuries in his mouth for the next two weeks — so that never comes out properly enough . half of him will be grateful this happened . the other half would never have him open his mouth as wide when he enters the stables again .

.

i hate you.

                    countless of times , every time . at one point it begins tiring repeating the same thing again and again . he hates caleb for being so bloody important , the second son for being so pretentious and pretending the rest of his brothers don’t exist ( because in his mind , they probably never matter ) , lars for never quite standing up where it counts , ruben who went away and almost always never come back , the fifth who saw hans’ injuries and poked at it with the hilt of his sword with a wicked smile , devon for being enchanting and maddening when hans makes even the smallest of mistakes around his wondrous collection , the seventh for sneering at hans like he’s any better , the first pair of twins who admitted to pinching hans when he was a toddler for experiments purposes whilst laughing at how loud he would cry , jasper for thinking he’s alone in his misery and as though the rest of them aren’t sharing the same horrible father , at the fraternal twins that never tires of taunting and mocking and putting hans down the most .

                sometimes hans says it fast enough to lose its meaning . somehow , it never does .

.

i’m sorry we couldn’t love each other.

                      “ did you say something , o’ brother of mine ? ”

                      “ never . not to you . ”

                       “ keep that up , and you won’t be speaking for the next week . ”

                       “ of course. ”

. 

father is the enemy.

                    sometimes , these missed sentences are better left as they are — unheard.

happy birth :)

(:

hi