Happy Easter Weekend

Well, it's EASTER! You know what that means! It's time for you to prepare for the magic that is Easter Sunday! Bake your ham properly! Don't want E. Coli or Salmonella! Paint your eggs with non-toxic materials! Make sure you have your eggs out by 5AM, lest the Easter Zombies think it safe to approach. The eggs are not useless. They are there to scare off the Easter Zombies! Remember to hang the ceremonial Rabbits' Feet from the door. This helps to make your home festive, and ward off the Easter Liches who hunt the unworthy. Above all else, remember to boil the Sacred Plastic Easter Grass only in PURE Cadbury Egg Chocolate. Place this mix in a bowl and let it set in the freezer. It must be out by 8PM in-order to invite the Easter Phoenix! Remember, if it chooses your nest, it will lay the Egg of Glory, forever inviting happiness into your home.