it felt like everything was going really well for once, and then it all just fell apart. i feel extremely led on, extremely used and extremely hurt. why tell someone that you have feelings for them and then turn around and tell them the next day that you have feelings for someone else? feelings donāt work like that. i really thought that lizzie was the one person who would never hurt me. i was wrong, again.
my first mistake was bringing the whole thing up. i never shouldāve, but something in my gut told me to. and then she said she felt the same and.. my god, i havenāt felt that happy in fucking years, and then it was over in an instant. i guess the moral of the story is that thereāll always be someone better than me to pick. there always is, itās happened with everything in my life, nothing new. i just wanted her.
i just feel so utterly and completely alone. as if i didnāt feel like an outcast with my friends anyways, now itās just ten times worse. i had to go and tell my best friend that i have feelings for her when i couldāve just shut up. i donāt even want to talk to tom, i donāt really care how nice heās being. and i know thatās bad and he didnāt do anything wrong, but it still feels like he did.
i just want to take it all back. i hate my stupid brain and my stupid emotions and how much i fucking care. i want it to all be done with, i want her, i want this feeling to go away. i ruined everything in my own life and now i gotta live with it.