spooky is my e-lover now
Dwelling in this cocoon of night-coloured ambience,
It cradles my Bambi shell. A voluptuous but crisped
Silhouette of petal-curved sensuality. Ache sparkles
In my heart, the detail of his neon-backlit chin and
Chest glowing stronger into my memory.
Towering, tan and fuzzed limbs, tumbling curls.
I’m untouchable now. Teeth gritted in breath,
Eyelids in stuttering focus. To recall feels like
A phone line with a cinder block on it.
Adoration swells on the other side, disproportionately.
A mirror of treasured beauty, I was made
Precious. Precious, to a boyish voice
Confirmed of his worth by his foreign-ness.
Parallel cauldrons of ideation, parallel bodies
Of idle animation. Glass.
THE OPPOSITE OF ADDICTION IS CONNECTION.
Unblinking attendance to the other’s absence.
No breath exists outside of those shared between us.
No beauty exists, except within the reflection of
My eyes, that lit the glimmer in yours, which stared into
Mine. Volleying this essence of me I’ve never met.
HAVE RESPONSIBILITY FOR ME.
Deluging my nights violently, diluted within
Fluorescence. By time, by bodiless expression,
By his virtual image, but tangible soul-shutters.
Renewed, used, discarded, floating.
Volatile, tinted lenses opaqued by an accumulation
Of litter wrenched out of my heart-eyes.
This turbulence grounded my weightless days that otherwise looped by each abrupt beat. Followed by another beginning, that starts when the pink sun sets against the glass building. Now a white boy in a durag croons in a tongue only my e-lovers knew. The one that fills me with a warm malady. It engulfs me in a hypnotising yet flickering gaze like a liquid misidentifying as a flame: hugged crisply around every minuscule facet of my flesh, wrapped around every hair, filled in every fold and crease of my skin and body. Sprinkled with millisecond intermissions where it felt like it unravelled from under me and I was falling. A malady charged by an enamoured—almost worshipping, protective energy, like that surrounding a young, preserved bride; or that of a baby rabbit.
I opened a heat pack and slid it between my inner thighs, I kept it there because I liked how much it resembled bodily warmth.
— Pixie
